Fifth.

Busy? Who me?

I think most people have a life that is busy, especially if you are parents and even more if you are working parents. By working that could mean a job or in college or BOTH! Funny thing is being a parent IS a job. If you don't do it then you have to pay someone to do the same job you would if you were home...keep the babies safe and love them! I seek a balance to do both. Work, educate myself, be myself, and raise my beauties. I feel restricted in my options these days in how to make it all work smoothly and with my job it can definitely be difficult. The opportunities I turn down every week could have propelled my career into some AMAZING directions rather quickly. My priorities are not with my career...they are not with my personal dreams and goals. My number one priority is the three beauties that need me, depend on me and look to me for an example. So I stick to the philosophy that SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE!

The film industry is a difficult race. I work on both sides of the camera, or at least I aspire to be on both sides. For now I work in production...what does that mean? Well, it is an umbrella term for making the impossible--possible. I have 'produced' in the broad term that everyone understand--taking something from page to screen-start to finish. Mostly small projects like tv pilots, web shorts, etc. But there are so many types of producers in film and tv. Executive Producers, Creative Producers, Co-Producers, Associate Producers, Line Producers, Production Managers (the last two are close to the same thing) and so many other production jobs that are all in production. These are some of the ones I thought were widely recognized on screen credits. Granted I am not a fancy Hollywood producer...not even close. I am often a Unit Production Manager or Production Coordinator for non-union tv commercials. I haven't done a feature film since Dru was born.

All that was basically NOT a great explanation...but I don't think I could define my job other than saying it is whatever is needed for the sake of getting that project 'in the can' at that moment. Whether that is hiring crew, figuring out lunch for 100 people, booking an actor a plane ticket, talking to the nice Korean lady next door over tea and kissing her butt so she doesn't complain to the film permit office, finding ways to save money, saying no to spending money, creating and taking care of the budget, basically just getting it all figured out so they can roll that camera and I can relax until they need something again.

Anyhow sometimes its fun, sometimes gratifying, and sometimes it's just work. My true love is performing. I love it. Acting is the best creative outlet I have found in my lifetime. Living here is a constant reminder of how much I love it. I am surrounded by people just like me. Which is good and bad. As you watch television you see my peers, colleagues and dearest friends on the television right in front of you. It's not strange to me and never really has been. Thankfully I don't get starstruck or spin out of control when I meet a celeb, because if I did it would have really put a wrench on set with Ashton Kutcher all day. Freaking out at Trader Joe's with a Jonas Brother in line in front of me would be awkward and I would want to drop grapes everywhere. True panic setting in while walking down my neighborhood streets would also make living downstairs from many celeb an exhausting experience.

Instead, I use all of these people I am surrounded with everyday and in every place as a reminder that the things I want are not out of reach. The question is am I reaching in the right direction?

I am definitely at a crossroad in my time here in Hollywood. I really need to make a final push towards my career and the direction I would like to head. I have cracked many doors to take a peek at what is inside. I have jumped on most every opportunity that came my way. I have carried a steady pace through this town. Always giving a vague answer as to what I do and where I want to be. This last bit of time here has been 2 full years now and 2012 marks the FIFTH year since I originally landed. For anyone that doesn't live here just have to TRUST ME 5 years is a landmark. FIVE YEARS is like this magic random numerical value given to the amount of time for you to actually start making a living in this town. Most people I talk to can say amazing things about their 5th year in Hollywood. Granted I took quite a bit of time off and left for a short time...so I am allowing a buffer of time. BUT it's year 5 and it is magical!

As I stand at the crossroad of decisions I am looking in a few directions...STAY? GO? ACT? PRODUCE? STAY ON SAME COURSE? I will tell you all of them seem appealing at different times of the day. I am allowing myself some time to reflect and get through some very personal and challenging times. Who knows? I guess I still have the rest of year 5 to see if the magic will work for me...but let me tell you the MAGIC is only proportional to the amount of work you put into yourself and your goals.

For now The Beauties and I are going to keep calm and carry on...slow but steady.

Just Like My Mom...Only Better!

From our Saturday Visit

Finally! A week were no one was sick or tossing cookies away in the toilet or getting their noggin stapled back together! Geez I was really starting to worry my gang was literally falling apart!

We had sometime to spend with each other and to spend with friends. The big girls were out of school on Friday. Saturday was busy busy and Sunday was lazy lazy. Just the way we need it sometimes :)

Thursday we were supposed to meet some friends at Disneyland to celebrate Grayce's staple removal that afternoon. For some very Hollywood reasons they were going to be unable to make it. Although I hadn't told the girls yet I had my heart set and my plans made to go after the doctors visit! That's just what I did...making Thursday quite a full day for this mama. The Handsome Pilot was laughing at me by the time I went to sleep/went into full body and mind failure just like the Sunday previously.

 A not so quick journey.... Thursday morning I was up with the roosters getting dressed and ready to see my adoring fans who awaited Ms. Starr's reading of One Fish Two Fish at the Green Eggs and Ham breakfast for Dr. Seuss's birthday celebration. Followed by a round of reading various books to various classrooms school wide. Interrupted by a plan to go pick up a nice piece of wooden furniture for the baby's new playroom. Back to the school to help clean up (a little) and to enjoy the 8th grade improvised play of The Cat In The Hat. Then off to the doctor...

NOW A SMALL INTERJECTION of how much I do NOT enjoy the girls doctor. We have seen him a few times now and he is just not a fit for us. He is a young doctor and full of one line of opinions. He will probably not stay in pediatrics seeing as though I am not the only parent that feels this way. I will blog more on this experience later! Anyhow he was not in the office that day and we got the pleasure of seeing another doctor at the office. Grayce really enjoyed him, more importantly he seemed to actually like kids and connected with me as a parent.

Then we left the office certain she was fine and that she had lost none of her smarts after the head injury fiasco of NEMO 2012! Headed home made snacks to take with us...seeing as though I was the one that ate my way through DL the first time through. Got some lunch. Packed our bags headed out. The beauties&I rolled into The Happiest Place On Earth 4 deep! WITHOUT A STROLLER. WITHOUT A DADDY. WITHOUT STAPLES. WITHOUT FEAR.

Tearing Into a Turkey Leg...lol

A few times I was offered a ride switch pass. Which if you don't know it is what they give out to people there with kiddos that can't ride. This pass allows one parent to sit with the child that can't ride...THEN they can go on the ride without waiting in the long line. I respectfully declined seeing as though there was no one for me to switch with. BUT a few of those happy Disney workers were persistent...after I expressed that I was the only parent there I got a response of 'YOUR BRAVE'!

HUH? I am not 'brave' I am their MOTHER!

Now we don't have much of a problem on 90% of the rides because they have few height restrictions. On one ride Grayce rode in the plane behind me with a nice Mom who got outed of her own kids plane because she wanted to ride with her cousins. So it all worked out :) Other than that the girls really wanted to go on the Star Tours ride. I didn't know what that entailed so we hopped in line to find out. Baby was too small and after a 30 minute wait I wasn't going to not let them go...thank goodness I did...apparently it is AH-AH-AHHHH-MAZING! The ride is a simulator that takes you on a 3D voyage through Star Wars planets and such. The beauties enjoyed it while baby and I waited so impatiently on the other side with other kiddos not tall enough. Through out the day I got some 'Your Crazy'...'Ohh I'm Sorry'... and a pretty overwhelming number of GASPS. Don't get me started on the 'where's your stroller?' because that is a blog of a different color. I may be crazy. You may be sorry. Yes, I am breathtaking. But really people...you all never imagined I was alone because I was so calmly enjoying myself with my THREE beauties. Laughing, dancing, and chasing Pinocchio. I only TOLD you the scenario because you were inquiring about my vacation while we stood in line together and you felt the need to talk to me while your kid narrowly escaped staples in the head.

I am uncertain if I am lucky to be their mother or if me being a good mother is the cause of such perfection in my girls. I won't say that they never melt down. They do. I won't say that they have never been rude. They have. I won't say being a mother is easy. It is not. I WILL say I am a good one. I am. I can't say though that I am a perfect one. I am NOT. I wouldn't even say anyone else is a bad one. You aren't. We merely catch glimpses into one anothers time as parents. I do try to avoid attempts in judging the parent of a melting down kiddo, Lord knows that has been me before.

What I will say is that their Dad and I knew what kind of children we wanted before they were born. With time patience and the practice of three we slowly figured out how to get our children to handle any given situation that may come up.

Grayce 6mos

Mostly, we wanted happy, healthy, and secure children.  To be independent while still knowing they could depend on us. Wanting to allow them to be children with all the fun and wild that comes with it, but we wanted to be able to take them into public. We didn't want to give up our dinners out, fishing trips, camping, travel, pick up and go, stay home and keep it low...ya know our 'lifestyle'! We wanted those things. So we raised our children in a way we could do all of that. Grayce first went fishing with us when she was 2 months old! AJ was sitting in college classes with me the day after we got out of the hospital from her birth! Dru and I climbed a waterfall in Oregon (600+ feet up) about 9 days after she was born! I have taken road trips alone with them. Daddy has done so as well...nearly all the way across the country. We are blessed with children that 'go with the flow' because they are confident that they have parents that will tend to their every need along the way. I guess it helps we have never forgotten them anywhere--I am looking at you Grandma 'Stones' (The Garage Sale Fiasco of 1982). Hope I haven't spoken to soon...better do a head count before I go to bed!

Most simply put... 

We wanted children like us, but better.

We wanted to be parents like our own, but better.

Granted we have slowed down a bit with the addition of each child...but the girls weren't the main cause of that. Our careers are in a full swing upwards and it makes for a really busy time. Two of them are in school so it makes it harder to just pick up and go. BUT man oh man when it is GO TIME we hit it head on!

Camping Summer 2007

I must admit there was a panic when the Handsome Pilot and I separated for some time and I was a true single mom. A small period of time we stayed very close to home. Not at home...but never too far! I was not sure how I would handle a meltdown from AJ, boredom whining from Grayce and breastfeeding an infant all at the same time! A vision in my head of running topless through Hollywood trying to catch a screaming kindergartener and an emotional 7 year old while forgetting where I set down the baby had crossed my mind. Sounds crazy, but HEY with 3 girls at very different ages of development and temperaments you never know! I give AJ the most credit in the transistion. Up until Dru she was the baby...she was breastfeed longer than Grayce. AJ demanded more attention than Grayce (even true today). AJ was at home with me longer. Just overall Ava Jo was a very different experience than all the laid back that Grayce was and still is. AJ demanded to be held...demanded to sleep with me. Even still sleeps with her sister. Thinking back on her now it was like she was born a middle child. Sometimes she can challenge me to no ends, but the way she loves and needs love is so genuine. I have caught slack for 'spoiling her' from other people. I let that get to me a few times and tried to adjust the way I parented because of that idea. In the end it just didn't feel natural...AJ needs what AJ needs. Attending to those needs has made her more and more confident, secure, and yes...INDEPENDENT! Makes me wish I could take back all that time I tried to force that independence on her. Why would her needy attitude bother someone else? Why would I let that it did bother me? I don't know the answer to either one of those questions. I do in fact know that neither one of those bothered me for long and has helped me with all 3 of the beauties today.

Living and learning I know now is the key to being a better parent.

Besides people I didn't go to Disneyland ALONE...I was there with THREE girls. My crew. My gang. My family. My TEAM! We rolled in 4 deep...we took your parents rolling around strollers with melting down kids and made them look like chumps! As the park closed we rolled out hand in hand...baby in the sling still awake and clingy to the Meme Mouse from the previous trip. We were all a little tired, yet not melted away. We were all happy at the short lines for rides. We were all ready to see Daddy. WE WERE ALL IN A GREAT MOOD!

Sleepy Dru

Oh and don't think it was because I bought them a million things or bribed them with prizes for good behavior. WE DIDN'T SPEND A DIME! AJ came close to one bout of tears. Grayce and I talked her off that calmly and easily. I didn't lecture once. I didn't lose anyone. Mostly, I didn't think anything of it at first. I only think about going 'alone' now because it was mentioned so many times through the day. Their daddy didn't really think much of it either. For me or for himself. I only said I couldn't see him wanting to do it because he would have to skip some of his favorite rides...not because he couldn't handle the kids. Our parents survived us. We certainly will survive these three.

My mother taught me to be unafraid when it came to motherhood. She told me as long as those babies are coming first then everything else will make sense. So between their daddy and me everything is making sense. His mother didn't let kiddos slow her down...she was active and always on the go with kids right next to her. His father traveled with them a lot never questioning if he should be doing that alone. My parents were so young they had such few choices but to tote me and my bro around everywhere. My Mama K often wrangled five of us at a time PLUS our cousins, I can not recall a time that being with ALL of us stressed her out. With all of that watching and learning from our parents we grew into the kind of active parents that they were. Trust me this little story in comparison to what my own parents and my in-laws did with us will make me look like the chump!

What are we doing better than our parents? Probably nothing at all. But we are still their kids...which makes us more right than them! HA

I am in forever debt to our parents for raising us well and always supportive in the raising of ours. I know a parents job is never done. For that I am thankful because my heart breaks a little to think that my beauties would ever not need us to guide them. Even if the guidance comes from a childhood of memories. Watch and learn baby girls. One day you are gonna have to do generations of good parenting...only better!

Life's A Dance...

Whew! I have been so tired these days...I don't know if it is the overcast weather that rarely hits LA or if it is the fact that I have been running around like crazy keeping up with the beauties. More likely that fact that this month is the busiest month for HollyHome every year!

The Handsome Pilot & His Birthday Present

In February we celebrate approximately 7 birthdays (that I can remember right now). The Handsome Pilot turned 31 years old this year. Which made me think all the way back to his 21st birthday...Mardi Gras St. Louis. We drove all the way from college (about 4 hours away) only to discover that he had forgotten his ID! We didn't need it anyway, but still silly to think of the irony. Spend 21 years to be able to flash that bad boy and then can't find it the ONE day you want to be carded. Such strange twists and turns life has taken since then. Each one BIG...each one WILD...each one as EXCITING as the next! The first major turn for us happened shortly after we met in NYC where he asked me to live with him...which lead to the next reason February is such a busy month...OUR FIRST LITTLE BEAUTY GRAYCE!

Grayce turned NINE years old this year! I can't hardly believe NINE! It all went so fast...and slow at the same time. I mean it seems like I have ALWAYS been a mother...but really its only been 9 short years and she is still my baby girl...not ready for the real world...still so much to learn...still so much to teach her! Yet at the same time she is half-way out of the house...in another 9 short years she will be leaving for college. My beautiful Grayce-- I cried everyday dropping you off at school until the 2nd grade and not a day goes by that I am not excited to pick you up from school!

G's Chuck E Birthday

We have planned to celebrate her birthday later in the month with her friends. Never fail every year it's hard to plan a birthday party around Valentine's Day. You'd think it was Christmas the way everyone has plans! But that is more like Ava's Birthday! So we were gonna do a low key dinner and a movie...which she changed her mind and wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese! Cool with me...her closest friend (and mine too) met us there! It was a great time. She didn't actually ask for much this year which meant she got everything she asked for at age nine! I am just lucky she provided a list...cuz I had nothing in mind! Bedroom is redecorated...she got her bike for Christmas just 2 months ago...and loves her new place :) Life is content for her...especially now that she got a remote control helicopter, a 'life' saber and pink legos :) OH and clothes for her Ken doll...apparently he needed a new outfit because his old one didn't fit anymore and according to Ava Jo it didn't match Barbies outfits!

Today Grayce and I had a bit of a misunderstanding! OH the joys of having estrogen overload in the house...mixed with a new decorated bathroom...and the clumsiness that runs in our DNA (on both sides)!

In the moments where I have to come down on her my heart breaks in half! She is a great kiddo...she is smart, kind, and more beautiful on the inside than I could every dream! I have always told the girls that I am not their friend--I am their MOM! So many times it is easy to look at how someone else is mothering and think or worse say how you would do it better.  No one can love and care for your child like you can, so you can't start doing it like everyone else would. As their mother you have shared every heart beat with them...you watched as they took their first breath...you loved before they were even a thought in your mind...and you bear the burden of guiding them into full human beings!

Tonight our misunderstanding started when the shower curtian rod did a graceful slide down the shower wall while she was in the bath tub. I tried to fix it when Grayce was in and out of the tub doing I am not sure what...lol! I asked her to stay in or out because the floor would get wet and I didn't want her tangled up in the shower curtain. Two more times she went in and then out...I figured I'd just take the curtian out for the time being and when I reached up to grab it she decided to jump out of the tub again bumping into me I stepped backwards into the metal shampoo holder and let out a very strange sounding 'YELP!' instead of a curse word that I wanted to say! I then turned to G who looked like a guilty puppy...I handed her a towel and began the 'Be Aware Of Your Surroundings Lecture' for the 3rd time this week! Not yelling...but the Mama voice.
After the 2 mins that takes she said 'You scared me! I thought I was in soooo much trouble...'

Those words broke my heart even more than the normal heart break from the trouble they get into!

I said Grayce what scared you...because I yelled?

She said 'No.'

I asked 'because I fell?'

She said 'No.'

Then I knew and asked her...'Because you thought I would be mad?'

Grayce gave me a nod of yes.  'Do I seem mad now? Are you in trouble?'' I asked back to back.

Grayce was so cute with a smile in her response, "No. But you were scared weren't you!"

"UH---YES Grayce!...Mama's big butt could have crushed you into a bug!"

She totally agreed!

I told her this then...but I am telling her again now!

Baby Girl--I want you to know that I could never get mad at you! Never be scared to make me mad! Never be scared to disappoint me! I am your Mama always and always I will love you. Always I am on your side. Always I will hold your hand when the world scares you! I am flattered that you want to never disappoint me...but Grayce Kathleen 'Well behaved women rarely make history, just ask Eleanor Roosevelt! Go make your mistakes...go take your chances...do it now! Because after 9 more years I will have to let you go into a world that will expect perfection from me as a parent to have taught you everything you need to know. Each moment now is a moment I can teach you something! Each moment ALWAYS is a moment you can learn something new!  Tonight we learned 'Don't ask a shower curtain to dance while it is already dancing with someone else...its dangerous!'
Aside from losing skin that used to be on the bottom of my toes...it was a painless and comical experience. Yesterday though Coach had to lecture you about crossing the parking lot because you could have been hit by a car...toys get broken and you get sad because you will step on things rather than pick them up off the floor...you are always walking into people because you spend so much time looking at your feet or up at the sky...I saw a little girl almost get taken from her mother at a store in a news article. My sweet girl I am NOT mad at you! You did nothing wrong...it's not your fault...we are all clumsy girls in this house :) I just want you to learn to always be aware of your surroundings and prevent the things you can...but know how to work through the things you can't. I want you to pause and think, even if for a moment, before you make a choice. This is one of the biggest things I can teach you before you begin to explore the world on your own. Trust me as a girl and someday a woman it will be SO VERY important to be aware of things around you and how your own actions can affect any situation (good or bad)! I love you! --Mama

My sweet girl...I didn't yell at her...I didn't punish her...there was no need to do so! She felt bad though...which is more than I can say for her sisters who laughed their tails off in the doorway! LOL
back at you little buggers! After I finished all that talking she said "NOT SCARED OF YOU...scared you were going to break something and it would be my fault!" OH--I may have read into that a bit much :) That little dance I did with the shower curtain was probably the best thing that could have shown her and our conversation to follow was the most important one we will ever have...well until the day she figures out I have ALWAYS been her best friend!

The Birthday Boy and Girl

Overall, this year has been awesome. I have been home WAY more now that I am not taking classes and doing the internship. I have taken a much needed step back to recoup and make a steady step forward. Spent some much needed time with the beauties and have opportunities knocking and waiting for me to answer. I welcome the busy that the last part of the month will bring. More importantly we are days away from not looking at another box in this place (oh the joys of finding things in storage you haven't seen in years)! We have hit a rhythm and routine that will allow me to step into a job soon and I have even been thinking about jumping onto a feature film. I have enjoyed the short term of commercials and television. Like a crazy woman though I miss the excitement of a feature and welcome the right chance to do one again...the one that makes all that crap work worth it!

G's Birthday Breakfast

So far so good. I'll post pics of the new bathroom soon. Along with all the crafts we have done this year...For now enjoy the new Hipstomatic App I got for foodies!

Photographic Memories

I used to be a woman who welcomed change and adventure. Not saying that I no longer do...but more these days I am a little slower to warm up to change and adventure has a entirely new meaning. With all certainty it has been the addition of each beauty that has made me this way. Once you have a full house of little ones it is important to have routine and schedule of day to day activities, but somehow you lose all sense of organization! So strange how that works out.

Around our home has been a busy time getting settled in...to a new place and a new schedule! New routes to school, new obstacles out the door, new rules, so many things are new new new!


Yet there are MANY things that remain the same in HollyHome! Kids everywhere thrive on knowing what to expect (unless it involves ice cream or Disney anything). Keeping the little ones in a solid routine great reduces fits, attitude and confusion. In return making happier and healthier children (so said the girls first pediatrician). Taking that advice and applying it has helped me tremendously as a mother. Bed time got easier, potty training was a breeze, dinner time went smoothly and all around makes us happy. The handsome pilot and I have found these tools to be beneficial in our lifestyle. We relocate for work. We both have ever changing work schedules. We can be known to change directions with a shift in weather just while driving to dinner. We confidently know that our children will easily adapt because the core of what we do and who we are as a family does not change.


Recently I have seen how these intangible gifts of routine are even ever changing...we can introduce new routines and new traditions without a huge disruption in the girls lives. WELL ALMOST! Some changes are out of our control and we do not give up our efforts of healing the uneasy parts of life.

In prayer lies the core of our routine. Every night and every meal we say prayer. I have mentioned this before in previous posts and when I say EVERY I mean MOST. There have been some spans of time where our routine was so fast paced at bed time that 'prayer' was a God bless you said on the way to the bedroom. Followed by me sneaking in later to make the sign of the cross on their foreheads whispering to them each individual prayers that I wrote after G was born. Other nights we just all pass out watching a movie or having the Sing It Karaoke Championships. The through line is that we don't forget God at bed time or meal time no matter how busy we get and no matter what has changed around us in life. Sometimes it's me saying prayer...sometimes it's Daddy...sometimes Tim. On lucky enough summer nights Grandma G is with them and it is a collection of songs to include 'Amazing Grace'...and that is her special gift to them. They love it and look forward to every visit because of that special time.

After our recent move it has been more important than ever to stick to our beloved bed time routine, as extra assurance that this is home! We also added in a little Shel Silverstein back into the routine, which dates all the way back to the days each of them was brought home from the hospital.

A few nights ago as I put the beauties to bed to say prayer they all decided that they would be sleeping in the same bed. Dru in her chosen spot crunched up tightly in the middle of her big sisters. All three pillow pets squeezed in a straight line across the top of the twin bed. Two empty beds stripped of stuffed animals and beloved blankets. One mommy moved to tears at the sight of three beautiful faces with eyes closed gently, hands clasped so God could hear them, and gentle whispers of The Lord's Prayer filling the room. I would give anything for a photograph of that moment! Any thought I had of moving them to their own beds after drifting off to sleep were removed and for the first time since we moved I felt completely and sincerely at HOME once again!

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in taking photos of events and fun times that I lose track of the TIME I am having. I forget to be involved in those moments. Don't get me wrong...I took a hiatus from extreme attachment to my camera for that reason...I know it's important to have those photographs. I sometimes wish I had more photographs, but there are so many moments that I am lucky enough to always close my eyes and go back to immediately. Having moments like that make life worth living.

Our family has finally found a rhythm again. We all know what is going to happen. How long it takes to drive to school. Which days we need to pack an extra snack for the car. Most importantly we have learned that while the world CAN and WILL change around us, we will remain the same. I am proud that we as parents never took the word FAMILY lightly. The Lord knows that with separation and time our family could have lost full sight of what we built our home on from the beginning...LOVE and FAITH. Coming back together again has in no way been easy, but it has not been a challenge either. When we feel out of touch...not at home...scared of the unknown future...we turn to prayer knowing that it will take us back to HOME where we feel safe and grateful for all we have been blessed to have and know as a family.

For us it's prayer. For Grandma G it's songs. For my Daddy it was morning talks. With Mama K it is coffee and chatter over the table. I am amazed what providing consistency can do for children and for a whole family. Being consistent and having a routine does not mean that things never change, it simply means take some things remain with you as it does and if you don't like what has changed then CHANGE IT BACK to the way it were!

Audree 2010

Grayce and AJ 2007

**To my beauties I would say... Enjoy every moment you are given in this lifetime. Take photographs of the great moments. Always remember to be a part of the amazing moments. Know your family has faith in all that you choose to do and be. Most of all say your Prayers and brush your teeth before you go to sleep...it's the fastest way back 'home' again! --All my love Mommy

A rare photo of bedtime with Grandma G during a visit 'home' in 2010.

Just Like Always...

When I originally started blogging I swore I would better define 'how I do it?' and I guess I haven't really gotten that far yet. What reminded me of this was Super Manny and I were at the Swedish Embassy (aka Ikea) and ran into a young couple that had a measuring tape to a chaise...which I thought was genius because I couldn't remember the name to my Swedish couch. While Tim tested each couch with his rear side I started chatting up the young couple at how smart and prepared they were. She kindly informed me they forgot the measurement of their space at home. So they were still gonna have to wing it! I felt much better about my lack of preparation for my own excursion. -- Back to the great debate of the bubblegum pink couch cover that was on sale...as Tim and I discussed...they over heard my two major arguements...Number 1- We have 3 little girls at home,2 female cats, 1 female dog, plus myself TOTAL of 7 females. Number 2- The handsome pilot while absent for the final voting process had already approved said purchase. (defense of pink couches has ended).

The woman and I began conversing...she too had a child. She was in 'the industry'. Her husband traveled a lot (a handsome musician). AND THEN 'how do you do it?' she said 'I only have one!'

I then had to confess that I worked in the industry as well and had a the handsome pilot who traveled everyday for work. Both of them looked at me like I had 10 eyeballs and I must say in that moment I was almost embarassed. I cheated. I have Super Manny. That is one way. But I have been without him. Watching them look at each other and then back at me at least 5 times I knew they were seeking a secret answer. So I just blabbered it all out. Now I will share with you what I shared with them...

First, I am not a new parent. Their little one was barely a year old and so far their only child. Having one child is hard, because being a new parent is 10 levels past difficult. The chances are that its not second babies that are easier...second time PARENTS are just smarter! Third time parents are just relaxed...and based on watching my own mothers, even more kids will make you God-like with wisdom. The first child has you running to the doctor with EVERYTHING. We knew NOTHING. A nurse told me once to take a rectal temp on my 1st born and I cried...then rushed her to the ER. Yup...it was a 101 temp... which isn't cause for an ER visit by the way. Not for a baby... they tend run high. Just a luke warm bath and some Tylenol. Really?! I stayed awake that ENTIRE night watching my sweet 1st born sleep, but I tell you what after a 6 hour trip to the ER I learned to get over my fear of rectal temp taking! I was just a nervous wreck all the time...constantly thinking about her. Worrying about her health. OH BOY and the allergies to everything and the special diet. Colic. Color of poo. Everything I was obsessed with. I read novels on parenting, magazine articles, online anything. I debated both sides of every piece of advice with the handsome pilot. We tried everything and eventually figured out what worked for us as parents and what worked for Grayce ... meeting in the middle creating a perfect balance. ALL of that was a time consuming lesson...but so worth it by beauty number three!

Secondly, making anything work is about priorities. After AJ came college was a bit tougher. Classes were so hard with two babies. I guess healthy babies that could attend childcare would have been easier, I know that mothers out there do it all the time and much credit is due to them. I was making a 90 minute drive one way 3x's a week to take Grayce to see a specialist, then eventually down to 1 time a month by the time AJ was born. With both of them I never missed a day of classes after giving birth. LOL freaked my fellow students out! I had Tuesday and Thursday classes...so I was just back at it after giving birth on Friday!  After AJ I walked straight into finals...then had winter break. Sadly she had developed RSV and couldn't be around other children for 7 weeks. I tried daycare with both of them and both times major problems to include physical harm and neglect! So the handsome pilot and I arranged our classes at opposite times...one of us was always with the kids. I took a job working nights. Slept when the babies slept. Daddy was a stay at home daddy for a few months. By the time AJ was a few months old we had our first live in nanny. She was awesome. I got sleep and studying done. I also got my wedding planned. She moved away with her boyfriend after 2 months and then Tim filled the position about a month after she moved.  Living in a small town daycare options were limited, besides I am a fan of having them at home! I knew eventually they would go to school and have activities finding a million ways to get out of the house in the years to come. I would just prefer that when not doing those things they are HOME. It was important to both the handsome pilot and myself as their parents...remains just as important today. During college I was trying to find a career...something that would make me feel like I wasn't 'working' my life a way. I did just that. Eventually, I was offered a job in film and came to LA leaving college behind. A choice I don't regret at all.

Finally, organization...communication...and the occasional desperation! When we came to LA back in 2007 there were 3 adults vs. 2 little beauties! Tim took on less of the full-time Nanny role. He worked and stayed busy. We had another friend that is in the 'industry'. The handsome pilot was flight instructing and flying private planes. Together all of us made a family. Before I went to work I organized school uniforms by day of the week down to the socks. Funday Sunday was our collective day to clean the house. All school paperwork waited for me at the end of the night to sign and review. Daddy took care of rides to and from preschool and kinder. On NO school days a grown up was there. When I went on location (which was EVERY show in the beginning) Daddy took less work and balanced the schedule with Tim. Family dinners every night to talk about the days happenings and the next days schedule. I worked from home. Daddy worked 5 minutes away and was home several times a day... if even for an hour at various times. He took work out of town or out of country and I would adapt to be home. I had a more accurate calendar in those days....writing down everything! Keeping track of everyone. I did all the grocery shopping, bills, and the guys did the garbage, yard and pool. Flying by the seat of our pants was not an option. Whenever we ran into a desperate situation we got creative! Work with Daddy days. Work with Mommy days. Work from home days. I was forced to be more organized than ever before...still today it takes the well oiled machine to run the brood. I am just less neurotic about it all now. Tim would probably argue not much less.

With all that said. I guess the most honest answer is...'we always have'. That's how I do it everyday. The same way we always have. With the same people we always have. Tim always gets the Super Manny award, but really he is and always has been Super Family. The handsome pilot and I made choices many years ago and never strayed. We knew what we wanted for our girls and made them top priority. HOME our whole lives revolve around it! We knew it would mean sacrifice from time to time. As long as the girls were never the ones sacrificing. The pilot and I both have an office view we would not like to give up. Tim has the chance to write and be in LA. We are extremely well oiled. Extremely close. We are family. This is Home... in Hollywood.

I am certain that this set up won't last forever, but as my new Ikea friend and I discussed the beauty of the 'industry' is that we can choose to NOT take work. We can be at home with our kids for how ever long we choose. We are not committed to the same job all the time. Both a beauty and a burden of freelance. That wonderful couple was doing everything perfectly, they were doing what was right for them I just know that as new parents...they deserved to hear it from someone that already came up through the ranks! Right now I have been home with the beauties for a month...it has been so nice and I don't forget to take advantage of every moment with them. Whether I have 1 baby or 500 babies...this life is managed the same way. Just now my worry and fear have been replaced with knowledge and experience! To sound cliche 'if there's a will, there's a way'. My way wouldn't work for everyone...but everyone can make it work for them. I am a firm believer that if we hadn't figured this out...we would have figured something out that we were comfortable with as parents and happy with as a family.

Right now my creative side...the side that has to always stay engaged and busy is totally fueled by getting settled into a new place,writing,painting,cooking and laughing. Tim has read two novels and caught up on video games with his free time. Us grown folks are prepping for preschool at home and looking forward to Dru being old enough in a few short months to start attending more playdates and activities. Working on little human potty training for the third time. We are constructing an indoor treehouse in the weeks to come. Life is beautiful. My life is beautiful. The film industry is beautiful.

The road to success is paved with those who gave up.

Not Quite Finished

So much to blog about. I have been without the internet for 2 weeks now and for the most part I am okay with it. I can surf on my phone and still have facebook access and public televison is actually a nice change of pace for us. The girls have been enjoying old reruns of He-Man, She-Ra and Bravestar! Tim is not complaining about it...he digs those old shoes and enjoys sharing them with the ladies. The girls enjoy asking us questions about our childhood, and I honestly love talking about it...so its a win win! This summer break probably could have been more fun and defiantly much longer. Overall though it was not a total loss, some good times were had and a few more are in store.

OH DEAR--I am the worst blogger EVER. The above was written about a month ago...I have had some issues with Time Warner...then was gonna switch to AT&T...then thought about Clear! Then I got uber frustrated with the whole issue of internet all together. Final decision...back to Time Warner the scamming scammers! LOL Back to where we started!

SOOOO what has been happening in Hollyhome in all this crazy busy time? Well...SUMMER of course. Like I said it wasn't as FULL as I had hoped...BUT it's always summer for the Hollybabies so no time wasted! Things came to a stand still when this mama wrecked her ride in a 5 car accident...I was happy little car number 4. In accidents like that you end up with the insurance deciding that everyone is responsible for their own car...and since I had liability I was screwed. So I sold the car back to they guy I bought it from and called us even stevens. I didn't want to deal with it...couldn't afford to get it fixed...even if I could I didn't want to dump anymore money into it...and here in Hollyhood we pay to park and I wasn't paying $160 a month to park a car I couldn't drive! So that's that and back to the bus and train I happily go :) For now! Thank God for friends with cars and friends willing to go out of their way to help me out when I have work that comes up.

Speaking of friends. I have been a crappy one for sometime. This I am aware of and have been aware of since I decided it was time to be less about everyone else and more about me. Some of my truest friends remained...and stuck by me even if it was just every now and again I made time for them. Some of them may still be there and I wouldn't know it. The rest are just on with live happy and maybe oblivious to what, why and where I ran off too. I guess my response to that would have to be...I went to that place you all always told me to go. The place where I only worried about me and the beauties. A place where I could be happy. YES of course that place includes ALL of my friends and people I have loved for so long...sadly getting to that place was a more lonesome path. Like driving through the desert in the dark...while kids are sleeping...and then hitting city traffic at day break...while kids are screaming! Both of those times are not times where you want to be talking to other people LOL. Doing so left me lonely when I started to come out the other side, yet it left me a clearer picture of true friendship. The kind of friend that I am able to be at this stage and the kind of friend I need as well.
I have started to learn what making new friends entails--apparently you have to court them like dates. That I never knew. Every friend I had was an instant BAM we were glued at the hip...not so much when you are older and have lives, jobs, and kids. Never knew. I also learned that having girlfriends is SO important--missing my girls from my younger years and so jealous they all see each other and have play dates, margaritas (not at the same time...well I don't think :)- All in all I have figured out that I am ready to be a friend to someone again. A true friend with a new meaning. Something where I am not giving so much and never making time for myself. I used to wrap myself up in my friends 'things' with the intention of avoiding dealing with my own. I think I understand the balance now.

On to some great friends...First World Problems. We all have them. BUT I have 9 of them. I improv with them. Drink beers with them. Laugh with them. Banter with them. Rap with them. Complain with them. Sometimes even BBQ with them. Can I get a what what for beer can chicken !?!
I have figured out so much this summer. About myself. About my life. About my kids. About relationships. It feels great to just be more knowledgeable than the year before.

This has taken weeks to write. Its not quite done. But I want you all to know that I am well. The beauties are well. School started today. I am working. I busy. I am loving life :)

...more to come :)