Monday, January 9, 2012

I Am Still Writing That Book...Everyday!

My mom

This is my first offical blog post EVER! Its not going so well...I keep erasing and starting over! I don't know where to begin. I mean I am 26 years old, but I have lead a crazy life...and if you don't know what I have been through it is hard to understand why I get all amped up over little shit! I am a former Marine (1997-2000) which means I graduated high school and ran straight to the Corps traveled the world and came home again...sorta. Never actually moved back in with my mother since I left September 7th, 1997. I remember a few tears that night in the recruiter told me to stop my crying and get some rest...from then on I didn't really look back. I look back now, but when I left there wasn't much to look back on. Mom and I didn't get along...we lived in a new house that I didn't grow up in...the only thing I hated was looking into my baby sisters face and hoping she understood that I loved her and I wish I was going to be there to grow up with her. Now when I look back at the same scene I see the tears my mother held back...the fear on her face...and the pain of letting me go. I wish I could go back and hug her one more time before I walked out that door. I called my mom a while back and told her thank you for putting up with me all those years and said I was sorry for not getting on the school bus on time for the entirety of my education. But what I will tell her someday is I am sorry that I insisted on learning my own lessons on my own terms. I took the hard road despite the many times she guided to "easy street". Now I know I get it! Seeing my girls do it their own way on their own terms and watching thier heart break and their trust mistreated by others is going to kill me. But I am better for my experiences no matter what the struggle or disapproval from my mom...better because she was always there watching over me. Just like I will be with Grayce & Ava.
Guess I am amped up on my mom today because she had a hard day in a series of many hard days...and I can't fix it. But through her tough day she took 100 calls from me about wedding stuff and nonsense stuff and just calmed me. She really is coming through for me with wedding planning...dispite her worries over not having a job. (*note to self...kick the ass of some guy named Doug with an!) I can say this about my mom she knows how to agravate ya but she knows even better how to love ya!
Anyhow I don't know the real point of talking this much about my mom to everybody. But I feel better. Hope you all think a little more of your own moms. Next posting I will tell more of myself so you can all get to know me better. I always said I wanted to write a book of my life, but never knew where to begin. Maybe when I bring you all up to date and hash out the things I have been through I can piece it all together and make sense of the tornando that sucked me up and spit me out...cuz so far that is what life feels like. Maybe my story will come together for even me.
<End of my 1st Blog!>

Photo From 2011 :)
-My mother inspires me more and more everyday since 2006. She is strong and genuine. She cares and love (too much sometimes)! I adore her and I am even more thankful for her love and support now in 2012 than I ever thought I could be...

The World Is Yours.

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