Fifth.

Busy? Who me?

I think most people have a life that is busy, especially if you are parents and even more if you are working parents. By working that could mean a job or in college or BOTH! Funny thing is being a parent IS a job. If you don't do it then you have to pay someone to do the same job you would if you were home...keep the babies safe and love them! I seek a balance to do both. Work, educate myself, be myself, and raise my beauties. I feel restricted in my options these days in how to make it all work smoothly and with my job it can definitely be difficult. The opportunities I turn down every week could have propelled my career into some AMAZING directions rather quickly. My priorities are not with my career...they are not with my personal dreams and goals. My number one priority is the three beauties that need me, depend on me and look to me for an example. So I stick to the philosophy that SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE!

The film industry is a difficult race. I work on both sides of the camera, or at least I aspire to be on both sides. For now I work in production...what does that mean? Well, it is an umbrella term for making the impossible--possible. I have 'produced' in the broad term that everyone understand--taking something from page to screen-start to finish. Mostly small projects like tv pilots, web shorts, etc. But there are so many types of producers in film and tv. Executive Producers, Creative Producers, Co-Producers, Associate Producers, Line Producers, Production Managers (the last two are close to the same thing) and so many other production jobs that are all in production. These are some of the ones I thought were widely recognized on screen credits. Granted I am not a fancy Hollywood producer...not even close. I am often a Unit Production Manager or Production Coordinator for non-union tv commercials. I haven't done a feature film since Dru was born.

All that was basically NOT a great explanation...but I don't think I could define my job other than saying it is whatever is needed for the sake of getting that project 'in the can' at that moment. Whether that is hiring crew, figuring out lunch for 100 people, booking an actor a plane ticket, talking to the nice Korean lady next door over tea and kissing her butt so she doesn't complain to the film permit office, finding ways to save money, saying no to spending money, creating and taking care of the budget, basically just getting it all figured out so they can roll that camera and I can relax until they need something again.

Anyhow sometimes its fun, sometimes gratifying, and sometimes it's just work. My true love is performing. I love it. Acting is the best creative outlet I have found in my lifetime. Living here is a constant reminder of how much I love it. I am surrounded by people just like me. Which is good and bad. As you watch television you see my peers, colleagues and dearest friends on the television right in front of you. It's not strange to me and never really has been. Thankfully I don't get starstruck or spin out of control when I meet a celeb, because if I did it would have really put a wrench on set with Ashton Kutcher all day. Freaking out at Trader Joe's with a Jonas Brother in line in front of me would be awkward and I would want to drop grapes everywhere. True panic setting in while walking down my neighborhood streets would also make living downstairs from many celeb an exhausting experience.

Instead, I use all of these people I am surrounded with everyday and in every place as a reminder that the things I want are not out of reach. The question is am I reaching in the right direction?

I am definitely at a crossroad in my time here in Hollywood. I really need to make a final push towards my career and the direction I would like to head. I have cracked many doors to take a peek at what is inside. I have jumped on most every opportunity that came my way. I have carried a steady pace through this town. Always giving a vague answer as to what I do and where I want to be. This last bit of time here has been 2 full years now and 2012 marks the FIFTH year since I originally landed. For anyone that doesn't live here just have to TRUST ME 5 years is a landmark. FIVE YEARS is like this magic random numerical value given to the amount of time for you to actually start making a living in this town. Most people I talk to can say amazing things about their 5th year in Hollywood. Granted I took quite a bit of time off and left for a short time...so I am allowing a buffer of time. BUT it's year 5 and it is magical!

As I stand at the crossroad of decisions I am looking in a few directions...STAY? GO? ACT? PRODUCE? STAY ON SAME COURSE? I will tell you all of them seem appealing at different times of the day. I am allowing myself some time to reflect and get through some very personal and challenging times. Who knows? I guess I still have the rest of year 5 to see if the magic will work for me...but let me tell you the MAGIC is only proportional to the amount of work you put into yourself and your goals.

For now The Beauties and I are going to keep calm and carry on...slow but steady.

Ever Changing Prayers Stay The Same

I used to be a woman who welcomed change and adventure. Not saying that I no longer do...but more these days I am a little slower to warm up to change. With all certainty it has been the addition of each beauty that has made me this way. Once you have a full house it is important to have routine and schedule of day to day activities, but somehow you lose all sense of organization! So strange how that works out.

Around our home has been a busy time getting settled in...to a new home and a new schedule! New routes to school, new obstacles out the door, new rules, new new new!

Yet there are MANY things that remain the same in HollyHome! Kids thrive on knowing what to expect (unless it involves ice cream or roller coasters) keeping the little ones in a solid routine great reduces fits, attitude and confusion. In return making happier and healthier children (so said the girls first pediatrician). Taking that advice and applying it has helped me tremendously as a mother. Bed time got easier, potty training was a breeze, dinner time went smoothly and all around makes us happy. The handsome pilot and I have found these tools to be beneficial in our lifestyle. We relocate for work. We both have ever changing work schedules. We can be know to change directions with a shift in weather. We confidently know that our children will easily adapt because the core of what we do and who we are as a family does not change.

Recently, I have seen how these intangible gifts are even ever changing...we can introduce new routines and new traditions without a huge disruption in their lives. WELL ALMOST! Some changes are out of our control and we do not give up our efforts of healing the uneasy parts of life.

In prayer lies the core of our routine. Every night we say prayer. I have mentioned this before in previous posts and when I say EVERY I mean MOST. There have been some spans of time where our routine was so fast paced at bed time that 'prayer' was a God bless you said on the way to the bedroom. Followed by me sneaking in later to make the sign of the cross on their foreheads whispering to them each individual prayers that I wrote after G was born. Other nights we just all pass out watching a movie or having the Sing It Karaoke Championships. The through line is that we don't forget God at bed time no matter how busy we get and no matter what has changed around us in life. Sometimes it's me saying prayer...sometimes it's Daddy...sometimes Tim. On lucky enough summer nights Grandma G is with them and it is a collection of songs to include 'Amazing Grace'...and that is her special gift to them. They love it and look forward to every visit because of that special time.

After our recent move it has been more important than ever to stick to our beloved bed time routine, as extra assurance that this is home!

A few nights ago as I put the beauties to bed to say prayer they all decided that they would be sleeping in the same bed. Dru in her chosen spot crunched up tightly in the middle of her big sisters. All three pillow pets squeezed in a straight line across the top of the twin bed. Two empty beds stripped of stuffed animals and beloved blankets. One mommy moved to tears at the sight of three beautiful faces with eyes closed gently, hands clasped tightly so God could hear them, and gentle whispers of The Lord's Prayer filling the room. I would give anything for a photograph of that moment! Any thought I had of moving them to their own beds after drifting off to sleep were removed and for the first time since we moved I felt completely and sincerely at HOME once again!

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in taking photos of events and fun times that I lose track of the TIME I am having. I forget to be involved in those moments. Don't get me wrong...I took a hiatus from extreme attachment to my camera for that reason...I know it's important to have those photographs. I sometimes wish I had more photographs, but there are so many moments that I am lucky enough to always close my eyes and go back to immediately. Having moments like that make life worth living.

Our family has finally found a rhythm again. We all know what is going to happen. How long it takes to drive to school. Which days we need to pack an extra snack for the car. Most importantly we have learned that while the world CAN and WILL change around us, we will remain the same. I am proud that we as parents never took the word FAMILY lightly. The Lord knows that with separation and time our family could have lost full sight of what we built our home on from the beginning...LOVE and FAITH. Coming back together again has in no way been easy, but it has not been a challenge either.

Amazing what providing consistency can do for children and for a whole family. Being consistent and having a routine does not mean that things never change, it simply means take some things with you when it does. Enjoy every moment you are given in this lifetime. Take photographs of the great moments. Always remember to be a part of the amazing moments. Know your family has faith in all that you choose to be. Most of all say your Prayers and brush your teeth before you go to sleep!

Mother's Day 2012--Asked & Answered

Mother's Day this year was fantastic :) Couldn't have asked for more beautiful weather or more beautiful people to spend it with.

Saturday night my girlfriend and her family were here after a fun filled afternoon at the park. The guys pulled together to make us an amazing steak dinner. Even served it to us while we kept our feet up. Sunday morning I woke up to the beauties whispering, giggling and conspiring. I pretended to be asleep, mostly because laying there just felt nice. Grayce cooked my eggs, AJ prepared yogurt and an orange she peeled all by herself while Dru and Daddy made my steak. I am certain her contribution to it was just sitting there saying 'staaake' over and over again. Then I got my cards, gifts they made at school and breakfast in bed. Such a sweet morning...wish they could all be that sweet :)

I will have to post a picture of the cards I received later, but for now an explanation will have to do.

Grayce drew a lovely picture of her and I ... but the first sentence read something like "I promise I will be better." Followed by some bits about how wonderful I am as her mother. To be honest my heart sank a little bit when I read that...my first thought was "what am I doing as her mother that thinks she is not good enough?" My mind started racing back to recent events in the house...

1. TV and video game suspension until further notice due to too much of it recently. Which was something they had worked so hard to gain back after last year.
2. Bickering amongst the girls had lead to ONE full day of NOT being allowed to play with each other. Which lasted about 3 hours and my mission of showing them how lucky they are to have 'friends God gave them'.
3. Overdose of Grayce's homework meant AJ was having all the fun with the TV and Grayce was getting a bit resentful.
4. Hearing many lectures from mommy about all the above topics, plus how we need to be more grateful for the things that we have and worry less about what we don't have.

As a Mommy to 3 GIRLS I tend to worry about the WOMEN they will become someday. While I want them to be mostly like me...I still have hopes they will be better. That things will come easier. That lessons can be learned along the way early on rather than painful later. I am a mommy. I tend to worry about things most wouldn't bother themselves with worrying about. In the last 2 years I feel I have balanced my worrying out with confidence that I am making good choices for them. I am setting good examples for them. I am at least doing something right if I am able to evaluate the job I am doing and question my own methods from time to time. Sometimes I look at how things are going and take out what is not working, leave what does work, then try something new all together.

For my sweet Grayce I have learned that for all the sweet independence and confidence that she oozes out into this world; there is also this quirky, honest, and unsure girl inside. She needs the most reassurance out of all my girls, yet is the only one that never asks for it on a daily basis. After talking to her later I discovered that the lack of confidence was NOT coming from home or from me or from any of the above mentioned occurrences. And for the first time in a few years I looked at her and saw MYSELF. Everyone always tries to convince me she is just like her daddy with the way she is...I have argued this before and was never quite heard. She heart and soul is just like her mother!

Every bit of what I questioned before I had answered...I know just what she needs!



Being a mommy is rarely easy, yet ALWAYS worth it.

Your Fearful Leader

Well...

April came and went without a published blog. No worries I was still writing and will get them all posted soon enough. I have been busy with some personal things and wading through some professional things.

I feel like my professional life needs a twist. Not sure what that is just yet, but since I finished the conservatory program at The Second City Hollywood in December, I don't know what to do. What I am feeling is NOT a rut...more of a fork in the road. A big piece of me wants to begin writing again. Continue improvising, but let go of acting. Stop production altogether. YET there is another piece of me that wants to do the opposite of each part of that I just said before.

I knocked down walls to create open doors for me and I feel as if though professionally I am still sitting in the waiting room finishing up an article in US Weekly even after my name was called. Knowing that if I don't get up and move then I will miss my chance and have to reschedule my appointment...with destiny. I spent the better part of two years building my resume. Which involved interning, training and ultimately creating a better foundation to build my dreams upon. Now what do I build? The actor? The improvisor? The writer? The producer? --The one thing I can tell you is that constructing all four is wearing me out!

I know I don't want to leave the entertainment world. I know that I have to drive my focus into a solid direction. I have just been such a free spirit when it comes to my career--living the freelance lifestyle and going where the work would take me. Now I feel like I have taken a big chunk out of each part of my creative mind and really know myself better than before. So why is this so difficult? Maybe because I am now ready to move out of the box in which lied so much uncertainty and move on to all the things I worked my ass off to achieve. The fork is difficult. I almost wish there was fear to stop me--because at least my decision would be made already!

Less than 1/2 of the year is behind me and I wish to celebrate 2012 already. As a year I have moved forward with fear always in my back pocket, knowledge in my brain and forgiveness in my heart. I never leave the house without a touch of fear...for fear can drive you to do things you otherwise would never attempt. Fear can lead the way to success if you allow it to do so. Fear is not what I desire to overtake me, but what I allow to fuel me. I tell the beauties everyday 'it is all the things you fear that will be the most worthwhile!'

And with that...I step forward.

"...I took the one less traveled by...and that has made all the difference."

Just Like My Mom...Only Better!

From our Saturday Visit

Finally! A week were no one was sick or tossing cookies away in the toilet or getting their noggin stapled back together! Geez I was really starting to worry my gang was literally falling apart!

We had sometime to spend with each other and to spend with friends. The big girls were out of school on Friday. Saturday was busy busy and Sunday was lazy lazy. Just the way we need it sometimes :)

Thursday we were supposed to meet some friends at Disneyland to celebrate Grayce's staple removal that afternoon. For some very Hollywood reasons they were going to be unable to make it. Although I hadn't told the girls yet I had my heart set and my plans made to go after the doctors visit! That's just what I did...making Thursday quite a full day for this mama. The Handsome Pilot was laughing at me by the time I went to sleep/went into full body and mind failure just like the Sunday previously.

 A not so quick journey.... Thursday morning I was up with the roosters getting dressed and ready to see my adoring fans who awaited Ms. Starr's reading of One Fish Two Fish at the Green Eggs and Ham breakfast for Dr. Seuss's birthday celebration. Followed by a round of reading various books to various classrooms school wide. Interrupted by a plan to go pick up a nice piece of wooden furniture for the baby's new playroom. Back to the school to help clean up (a little) and to enjoy the 8th grade improvised play of The Cat In The Hat. Then off to the doctor...

NOW A SMALL INTERJECTION of how much I do NOT enjoy the girls doctor. We have seen him a few times now and he is just not a fit for us. He is a young doctor and full of one line of opinions. He will probably not stay in pediatrics seeing as though I am not the only parent that feels this way. I will blog more on this experience later! Anyhow he was not in the office that day and we got the pleasure of seeing another doctor at the office. Grayce really enjoyed him, more importantly he seemed to actually like kids and connected with me as a parent.

Then we left the office certain she was fine and that she had lost none of her smarts after the head injury fiasco of NEMO 2012! Headed home made snacks to take with us...seeing as though I was the one that ate my way through DL the first time through. Got some lunch. Packed our bags headed out. The beauties&I rolled into The Happiest Place On Earth 4 deep! WITHOUT A STROLLER. WITHOUT A DADDY. WITHOUT STAPLES. WITHOUT FEAR.

Tearing Into a Turkey Leg...lol

A few times I was offered a ride switch pass. Which if you don't know it is what they give out to people there with kiddos that can't ride. This pass allows one parent to sit with the child that can't ride...THEN they can go on the ride without waiting in the long line. I respectfully declined seeing as though there was no one for me to switch with. BUT a few of those happy Disney workers were persistent...after I expressed that I was the only parent there I got a response of 'YOUR BRAVE'!

HUH? I am not 'brave' I am their MOTHER!

Now we don't have much of a problem on 90% of the rides because they have few height restrictions. On one ride Grayce rode in the plane behind me with a nice Mom who got outed of her own kids plane because she wanted to ride with her cousins. So it all worked out :) Other than that the girls really wanted to go on the Star Tours ride. I didn't know what that entailed so we hopped in line to find out. Baby was too small and after a 30 minute wait I wasn't going to not let them go...thank goodness I did...apparently it is AH-AH-AHHHH-MAZING! The ride is a simulator that takes you on a 3D voyage through Star Wars planets and such. The beauties enjoyed it while baby and I waited so impatiently on the other side with other kiddos not tall enough. Through out the day I got some 'Your Crazy'...'Ohh I'm Sorry'... and a pretty overwhelming number of GASPS. Don't get me started on the 'where's your stroller?' because that is a blog of a different color. I may be crazy. You may be sorry. Yes, I am breathtaking. But really people...you all never imagined I was alone because I was so calmly enjoying myself with my THREE beauties. Laughing, dancing, and chasing Pinocchio. I only TOLD you the scenario because you were inquiring about my vacation while we stood in line together and you felt the need to talk to me while your kid narrowly escaped staples in the head.

I am uncertain if I am lucky to be their mother or if me being a good mother is the cause of such perfection in my girls. I won't say that they never melt down. They do. I won't say that they have never been rude. They have. I won't say being a mother is easy. It is not. I WILL say I am a good one. I am. I can't say though that I am a perfect one. I am NOT. I wouldn't even say anyone else is a bad one. You aren't. We merely catch glimpses into one anothers time as parents. I do try to avoid attempts in judging the parent of a melting down kiddo, Lord knows that has been me before.

What I will say is that their Dad and I knew what kind of children we wanted before they were born. With time patience and the practice of three we slowly figured out how to get our children to handle any given situation that may come up.

Grayce 6mos

Mostly, we wanted happy, healthy, and secure children.  To be independent while still knowing they could depend on us. Wanting to allow them to be children with all the fun and wild that comes with it, but we wanted to be able to take them into public. We didn't want to give up our dinners out, fishing trips, camping, travel, pick up and go, stay home and keep it low...ya know our 'lifestyle'! We wanted those things. So we raised our children in a way we could do all of that. Grayce first went fishing with us when she was 2 months old! AJ was sitting in college classes with me the day after we got out of the hospital from her birth! Dru and I climbed a waterfall in Oregon (600+ feet up) about 9 days after she was born! I have taken road trips alone with them. Daddy has done so as well...nearly all the way across the country. We are blessed with children that 'go with the flow' because they are confident that they have parents that will tend to their every need along the way. I guess it helps we have never forgotten them anywhere--I am looking at you Grandma 'Stones' (The Garage Sale Fiasco of 1982). Hope I haven't spoken to soon...better do a head count before I go to bed!

Most simply put... 

We wanted children like us, but better.

We wanted to be parents like our own, but better.

Granted we have slowed down a bit with the addition of each child...but the girls weren't the main cause of that. Our careers are in a full swing upwards and it makes for a really busy time. Two of them are in school so it makes it harder to just pick up and go. BUT man oh man when it is GO TIME we hit it head on!

Camping Summer 2007

I must admit there was a panic when the Handsome Pilot and I separated for some time and I was a true single mom. A small period of time we stayed very close to home. Not at home...but never too far! I was not sure how I would handle a meltdown from AJ, boredom whining from Grayce and breastfeeding an infant all at the same time! A vision in my head of running topless through Hollywood trying to catch a screaming kindergartener and an emotional 7 year old while forgetting where I set down the baby had crossed my mind. Sounds crazy, but HEY with 3 girls at very different ages of development and temperaments you never know! I give AJ the most credit in the transistion. Up until Dru she was the baby...she was breastfeed longer than Grayce. AJ demanded more attention than Grayce (even true today). AJ was at home with me longer. Just overall Ava Jo was a very different experience than all the laid back that Grayce was and still is. AJ demanded to be held...demanded to sleep with me. Even still sleeps with her sister. Thinking back on her now it was like she was born a middle child. Sometimes she can challenge me to no ends, but the way she loves and needs love is so genuine. I have caught slack for 'spoiling her' from other people. I let that get to me a few times and tried to adjust the way I parented because of that idea. In the end it just didn't feel natural...AJ needs what AJ needs. Attending to those needs has made her more and more confident, secure, and yes...INDEPENDENT! Makes me wish I could take back all that time I tried to force that independence on her. Why would her needy attitude bother someone else? Why would I let that it did bother me? I don't know the answer to either one of those questions. I do in fact know that neither one of those bothered me for long and has helped me with all 3 of the beauties today.

Living and learning I know now is the key to being a better parent.

Besides people I didn't go to Disneyland ALONE...I was there with THREE girls. My crew. My gang. My family. My TEAM! We rolled in 4 deep...we took your parents rolling around strollers with melting down kids and made them look like chumps! As the park closed we rolled out hand in hand...baby in the sling still awake and clingy to the Meme Mouse from the previous trip. We were all a little tired, yet not melted away. We were all happy at the short lines for rides. We were all ready to see Daddy. WE WERE ALL IN A GREAT MOOD!

Sleepy Dru

Oh and don't think it was because I bought them a million things or bribed them with prizes for good behavior. WE DIDN'T SPEND A DIME! AJ came close to one bout of tears. Grayce and I talked her off that calmly and easily. I didn't lecture once. I didn't lose anyone. Mostly, I didn't think anything of it at first. I only think about going 'alone' now because it was mentioned so many times through the day. Their daddy didn't really think much of it either. For me or for himself. I only said I couldn't see him wanting to do it because he would have to skip some of his favorite rides...not because he couldn't handle the kids. Our parents survived us. We certainly will survive these three.

My mother taught me to be unafraid when it came to motherhood. She told me as long as those babies are coming first then everything else will make sense. So between their daddy and me everything is making sense. His mother didn't let kiddos slow her down...she was active and always on the go with kids right next to her. His father traveled with them a lot never questioning if he should be doing that alone. My parents were so young they had such few choices but to tote me and my bro around everywhere. My Mama K often wrangled five of us at a time PLUS our cousins, I can not recall a time that being with ALL of us stressed her out. With all of that watching and learning from our parents we grew into the kind of active parents that they were. Trust me this little story in comparison to what my own parents and my in-laws did with us will make me look like the chump!

What are we doing better than our parents? Probably nothing at all. But we are still their kids...which makes us more right than them! HA

I am in forever debt to our parents for raising us well and always supportive in the raising of ours. I know a parents job is never done. For that I am thankful because my heart breaks a little to think that my beauties would ever not need us to guide them. Even if the guidance comes from a childhood of memories. Watch and learn baby girls. One day you are gonna have to do generations of good parenting...only better!

Someone Call A Mickey Medic...

Wowza! This house has been busy and lazy at the same time. So much to do...so little time...and the stomach flu trying to take over us all! Good things came out of all the down time spent on the couch with a beauty or two on my lap...like snuggles and blogging! I got to be in the kitchen for a few hours with Dru (who luckily never really got sick) and with either big girl well enough to join me :) I made so much Homemade Chicken Noodle that there is still some in the fridge. Not a drop of the Fresh Tomato Soup left though. Having the kids home prolonged some of the half finished projects that I had wanted to tackle last week. Somehow I am okay with that though...it was some time well used in between trips to the bathroom and naps and convincing them that the only way they would have strength to heal is to get a little something in their tummies even if it comes up hours later. AJ was back to school Thursday, but G got to school and had to come back home. By Friday it was almost like it never happened. Which was amazing...considering our plans for the weekend!

For the last several years the Handsome Pilot and I had talked of trips to Disneyland. Considering that when we moved here in 2007 it was about 10 minutes away from our house and every consecutive year we promised ourselves that THIS WOULD BE THE YEAR...but never went. I think that because him and I had NEVER been we always had the experience built up in our heads of what we wanted it to be like the first time. Things like 'what if we only go one time in our lives? are the girls old enough to enjoy it? old enough to remember it? let's do a cruise! let's make a week of it like tourists! let's wait until we have this unmentioned perfect amount of spending money! when will we have the time? we must take the kids together...even if we are not together! '

Party Don't Start Until I Wake Up

Holy cow we had so many reasons to go and not to go...in the end I think that we just wanted it to be a perfect experience for the girls. We had no idea what that 'perfect' was though. We had been invited tons of times by friends that had annual passes and we could not even fathom that idea...go to Disneyland whenever you want after 30+ years of never have been! 2012 though...we were not going to say no! Last summer we decided that come what may we would together take the beauties to Disney...it was time! When Christmas came we had it all set...Spring Break was to be the big time! Handsome Pilot was going to take vacation and away we would go 28 miles down the road to the Happiest Place On Earth!

Well...until we got an invite from a preschool friend of Grayce and Ava's to go at the end of February for his 9th Birthday! Seemed perfect...while we at first did not want our first time to be with another family we could not say no to the two families we would share the day with! The kids all together are amazing. They get along. So well behaved. They are all like my own children and I enjoy each of those three smiles as much as I enjoy seeing my own children happy. Their mothers are my BFF's and well a certain hubs in the bunch will carry heavy stuff! We are blessed to know them and blessed to have shared those days with them all :)

So Saturday morning the beauties thought we would be going to the birthday boy's house... I had pinned fairy wings on their wall and wrote them a note letting them know there was a change in plans for the day...they would need the wings...and follow the pink, red and white confetti down the stairs for more clues. Daddy had perfected cutting out Mickey Mouses (or would it be Mickey Mice?? NO...ok.) and they found gifts like Mickey Mouse watch with a notes that said "Do you know what time it is?" Mickey sunglasses with a note "Your day is looking bright!" Greeted by a trail of MORE Mickey notes that said...'We are going...' 'To the Happiest Place On Earth!' Leading them to Minnie Mouse plates with Mickey shaped toast (because I wasn't going to test their newly recovered tummies with much else). Then I brought out Mickey Mouse shirts...and outfits telling them they would need these where we were going! YOU COULD HEAR CRICKETS....chirp chirp clueless.

New Walking Shoes

I then informed them that we would NOT be going to their friends house...OOPS! There was almost mutiny... I assured them we would be meeting him somewhere else instead! Daddy and I both asked if they knew the hints all over the place...to which AJ yells CHUCK E CHEESE! I then asked when did we ever tell a lie in this house 'NEVER' they replied loudly and with sad and confusion! Ok...when do we keep a secret...'NEVER' .. but that time they replied like I was just asking ridiculous questions to distract from what I wanted to tell them! The Handsome Pilot and I were just staring at each other while they stared at us! We were smothered in EVERYTHING MICKEY! As parents we had disappointed with NOT going to friends house...NOT going to Chuck E Cheese...for sometime they thought I had NOT set out outfits for them...they were NOT hungry and requested that I NOT finish making the Mickey breakfast...they had NOT been able to sleep in due to a teething sister waking everyone up at full screams by 6:30 AM. I tried to whisper it to Dru who knew what I was talking about and she smiled. I gave more clues...I whispered to Dru again and she squealed! BUT GRAYCE OVERHEARD and very confused said it outloud...probably so scared it was something else we would NOT be doing! I laugh now at the thought of how many MORE hints they would have needed...in the moment I just screamed 'WE ARE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!'

Breakfast Diva

Then they were all screaming...Grayce stopped and just stared at Dru who was still so excited and said 'I love her happy screams!' I am tearing up now at that moment and I had tears when it happened. They all cheered...AJ had since begun to bail to put on her new outfit...and Grayce just enjoyed Dru's excitement for a half moment longer. I was showered with hugs and then it hit me 'WE ARE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!' As a family...a WHOLE family. Something the Handsome Pilot and I waited our whole lives to do...and so had they :)

No lie...a bit of madness took place in the preparation to get out of the house. Especially since the plan of me getting up before them to prep had been put aside when baby woke up super early! I thought I would fall to the ground and lose my brains before we even got out the door OR spin in circles and holla from excitement...LOL! Never the less we remembered everything we needed and made it out on time! The best part about our friends is that they make us look like early birds! I will never dislike them for that one reason :)

Let's Do This

Once we found our way to the Happiest Parking Lot On Earth the excitement that nearly kept us from getting out the door had drown down to full on determination to see that big castle. Okay so most of the excitement I talk about was my own...by the time we got there nothing mattered. The plan...how we got there...if any of us had ever been there before...how long the hint giving that morning took...what we were wearing...NOTHING BUT THE EXCITEMENT of enjoying Grayce's birthday coming to a final celebration promise and her friend enjoying his actual birthday surrounded by his friends since preschool and Mickey Mouse! The long wait of getting our passes in order seems long forgotten now as I write.

Happiest Mama On Earth

We fully enjoyed the day until about 6pm when it all went the opposite direction... Gracye whom up until the moment in line for the Finding Nemo ride had never been injured in her lifetime. Yes, she did have her appendix rupture and fought through the surgery. She spent most of her infancy ill and her first Christmas in the ER with trouble breathing. But aside from one or two scrapes from normal kiddo falls she had never been injured so badly she bleed more than a drop of blood. Saturday changed all of that for her making Disneyland an extra memorable experience!

The Handsome Pilot & The Beauties

Grayce had stumbled in an attempt to join every other child at the park in sitting on the railing in line and went right around dropping flat on the back of her head. The ground shook, she jumped up and started to run out of line. I was not in line...so it kinda freaked me out to see Grayce so upset (which is an understatement) and her Daddy looking a bit shocked carrying baby Dru who was pointing at her sister crying saying 'FAW DOWN FAW DOWN'. Daddy looked at me and said calmly 'Uh. She bumped her head.' Alrighty well calm down. I didn't see anything wrong and at that moment of seeing me she calmed for a second. I hugged her tight and Daddy whispered 'she's bleeding.' When I looked just under the hair line Grayce went into a panic and cried and screamed. Sure enough there was a hair full of blood! An ER Doctor actually stepped out of line and looked at her head. I was going to call for the park medic mostly to be able to pull her out of the masses of the park to be looked at in hopes of calming her a bit. I took baby. Daddy took Grayce and stepped aside. The nurse who arrived from the park and the ER doctor said that she appeared to be okay, but suggested Urgent Care or ER for some staples.

How we rode Dumbo

AJ stayed behind with our friends after a quick meeting of the minds. Leaving our concerned friends and happy to stay AJ at the park the 4 of us headed off to see the doctor. Grayce was going between calm and upset on the way out of the park. Daddy even took a quick picture of her in front of the castle as we had to pause our walk out of the park for a passing parade. The story from there was simple. Found the Urgent Care very easily thanks to the list provided by Disneyland. Even got to see other victims of the Mouse House getting patched up from their dangerous journey of Tea Cups and Mountains. Once we got back to be seen Dru explained what happened to the doctor several times...yelled at him for touching her sisters Boo Boo...sang with me to Grayce as her head was stapled and she ended with a long finale of OUCH in tune with Twinkle Twinkle! We were out of there by 8:05pm. Momentarily G said lets go back to the park after I teased we could still make it for the fireworks. Followed by...I want to throw up AND I need to lay in a bed right now!!! Every little bump in the car hurt her head. She fought back the crying like earlier, yet couldn't stop those fat crocodile tears from rolling like rapids down her cheeks.

We knew she was not going to make the short drive back home without getting sick. She knew her friends and sister were still at the park. She knew they were all sleeping at the hotel. I KNEW that this was not supposed to be how this day ended. There was supposed to be Mickey ears! BBQ dinner with friends! A parade! Space Mountain! Fireworks! Another day spent at California Adventure! I don't know what hurt me more right then? Her broken head or her broken heart? Daddy and I didn't know that she would be able to go to the park the next day. While the doctor was certain all the nausea and shakes and dizziness was from a mix of anxiety, shock and adrenaline we still had to watch her very carefully! Neither one of us as parents assumed much sleep would be in our evening plans. Dru had passed out right on time for normal bed time 8:05pm and had her very own long day cutting those 2 year molars. So we checked into the hotel thanks to hotel rewards points we got a great deal where everyone was staying! Daddy rocked Dru back to sleep as she talked about Meme Mouse and fought off sleep for an additional 2.5 minutes. I took Grayce in to the warm bath tub. We washed her hair out. Talked about how much fun we did have even though it ended quickly and that Disneyland would be there probably another 50 years for a return visit! When we got out Dru and Daddy were cuddled up in the chair. I convinced her to let me braid her hair down both sides. Found her the only thing she wanted to eat for dinner OREOS and MILK.

Final Score
The Mouse-1   Grayce-3

She did not make it past one Oreo. She called Tim to tell him what had happened. I called my Mommy and Daddy to let them know what they already knew...G is hard headed like her mother! Then Daddy and I detoxed for a while watching her sleep thinking and talking back on all the times we had been scared as new parents. Also how lucky we are that while Grayce was the one with staples this time she was not often prone to accidents and injuries! Once again thankful for dainty little girls...well for now the teen years are certain to bring us to our knees begging in prayer!

Ava convinced my girlfriend and her grandma to stay and ride Small World with her when all the other kids bailed and headed back to the hotel with the other family that joined us. At one point my girlfriend sent me a text of AJ watching the fireworks and that beautiful expression on awe on her face drew me to tears. She was happy. I love seeing joy on my baby's face. Anyhow, they rolled in just after 11pm. AJ inquired about Grayce wanting to know all the details. Then she just faded away to sleepyland with a smile on her face and a flashy light up necklace around her neck wrapped in the 'same' princess blanket she has had since birth.

By morning Grayce was good to go. We woke her a couple of times in the night and then by 7:30am she sprung out of bed and was ready to go again. When her friends asked her about it she casually said "well it feels like staples in my head. not a big deal ya know." UH OKAY now she's calm. After breakfast and getting 10 people organized, which is actually pretty easy if we can get ONE OF US to pre-iron all of the days outfits before leaving on a trip...UH UMM no names to be mentioned someone :)-

My Gang minus one little man

Spent the next day at California Adventure which is Disneyland, but with more height requirements! Grayce got to ride most of the rides. We DID NOT allow any roller coaster or jerky ride. That was easy because her friends are to scared for the few coasters and the rest of the rides are just that...a ride through a fairytale. We saw shows. We ate. We stopped at some shops. We talked to Minnie Mouse. We had a great time and look forward to going back very soon.

That was kinda it...our last few weeks are summed up to equal this-- I have a few unfinished projects waiting for me, several completed. We are all finally healthy. We made a lifetime of memories. We learned why you can't play in line for rides at themeparks (the hard way). We learned how true our friends really are and how lucky we are to have met.

Most of all we learned that no matter what you think something might be...you might just get more instead :)

*I will add more pics this weekend...seeing as though my computer disagrees with me using a card reader :) These were some of what I had on my phone!

They woke up and asked...When did we get McDonalds??

*I will add more pics this weekend...seeing as though my computer disagrees with me using a card reader :) These were some of what I had on my phone! 

Life's A Dance...

Whew! I have been so tired these days...I don't know if it is the overcast weather that rarely hits LA or if it is the fact that I have been running around like crazy keeping up with the beauties. More likely that fact that this month is the busiest month for HollyHome every year!

The Handsome Pilot & His Birthday Present

In February we celebrate approximately 7 birthdays (that I can remember right now). The Handsome Pilot turned 31 years old this year. Which made me think all the way back to his 21st birthday...Mardi Gras St. Louis. We drove all the way from college (about 4 hours away) only to discover that he had forgotten his ID! We didn't need it anyway, but still silly to think of the irony. Spend 21 years to be able to flash that bad boy and then can't find it the ONE day you want to be carded. Such strange twists and turns life has taken since then. Each one BIG...each one WILD...each one as EXCITING as the next! The first major turn for us happened shortly after we met in NYC where he asked me to live with him...which lead to the next reason February is such a busy month...OUR FIRST LITTLE BEAUTY GRAYCE!

Grayce turned NINE years old this year! I can't hardly believe NINE! It all went so fast...and slow at the same time. I mean it seems like I have ALWAYS been a mother...but really its only been 9 short years and she is still my baby girl...not ready for the real world...still so much to learn...still so much to teach her! Yet at the same time she is half-way out of the house...in another 9 short years she will be leaving for college. My beautiful Grayce-- I cried everyday dropping you off at school until the 2nd grade and not a day goes by that I am not excited to pick you up from school!

G's Chuck E Birthday

We have planned to celebrate her birthday later in the month with her friends. Never fail every year it's hard to plan a birthday party around Valentine's Day. You'd think it was Christmas the way everyone has plans! But that is more like Ava's Birthday! So we were gonna do a low key dinner and a movie...which she changed her mind and wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese! Cool with me...her closest friend (and mine too) met us there! It was a great time. She didn't actually ask for much this year which meant she got everything she asked for at age nine! I am just lucky she provided a list...cuz I had nothing in mind! Bedroom is redecorated...she got her bike for Christmas just 2 months ago...and loves her new place :) Life is content for her...especially now that she got a remote control helicopter, a 'life' saber and pink legos :) OH and clothes for her Ken doll...apparently he needed a new outfit because his old one didn't fit anymore and according to Ava Jo it didn't match Barbies outfits!

Today Grayce and I had a bit of a misunderstanding! OH the joys of having estrogen overload in the house...mixed with a new decorated bathroom...and the clumsiness that runs in our DNA (on both sides)!

In the moments where I have to come down on her my heart breaks in half! She is a great kiddo...she is smart, kind, and more beautiful on the inside than I could every dream! I have always told the girls that I am not their friend--I am their MOM! So many times it is easy to look at how someone else is mothering and think or worse say how you would do it better.  No one can love and care for your child like you can, so you can't start doing it like everyone else would. As their mother you have shared every heart beat with them...you watched as they took their first breath...you loved before they were even a thought in your mind...and you bear the burden of guiding them into full human beings!

Tonight our misunderstanding started when the shower curtian rod did a graceful slide down the shower wall while she was in the bath tub. I tried to fix it when Grayce was in and out of the tub doing I am not sure what...lol! I asked her to stay in or out because the floor would get wet and I didn't want her tangled up in the shower curtain. Two more times she went in and then out...I figured I'd just take the curtian out for the time being and when I reached up to grab it she decided to jump out of the tub again bumping into me I stepped backwards into the metal shampoo holder and let out a very strange sounding 'YELP!' instead of a curse word that I wanted to say! I then turned to G who looked like a guilty puppy...I handed her a towel and began the 'Be Aware Of Your Surroundings Lecture' for the 3rd time this week! Not yelling...but the Mama voice.
After the 2 mins that takes she said 'You scared me! I thought I was in soooo much trouble...'

Those words broke my heart even more than the normal heart break from the trouble they get into!

I said Grayce what scared you...because I yelled?

She said 'No.'

I asked 'because I fell?'

She said 'No.'

Then I knew and asked her...'Because you thought I would be mad?'

Grayce gave me a nod of yes.  'Do I seem mad now? Are you in trouble?'' I asked back to back.

Grayce was so cute with a smile in her response, "No. But you were scared weren't you!"

"UH---YES Grayce!...Mama's big butt could have crushed you into a bug!"

She totally agreed!

I told her this then...but I am telling her again now!

Baby Girl--I want you to know that I could never get mad at you! Never be scared to make me mad! Never be scared to disappoint me! I am your Mama always and always I will love you. Always I am on your side. Always I will hold your hand when the world scares you! I am flattered that you want to never disappoint me...but Grayce Kathleen 'Well behaved women rarely make history, just ask Eleanor Roosevelt! Go make your mistakes...go take your chances...do it now! Because after 9 more years I will have to let you go into a world that will expect perfection from me as a parent to have taught you everything you need to know. Each moment now is a moment I can teach you something! Each moment ALWAYS is a moment you can learn something new!  Tonight we learned 'Don't ask a shower curtain to dance while it is already dancing with someone else...its dangerous!'
Aside from losing skin that used to be on the bottom of my toes...it was a painless and comical experience. Yesterday though Coach had to lecture you about crossing the parking lot because you could have been hit by a car...toys get broken and you get sad because you will step on things rather than pick them up off the floor...you are always walking into people because you spend so much time looking at your feet or up at the sky...I saw a little girl almost get taken from her mother at a store in a news article. My sweet girl I am NOT mad at you! You did nothing wrong...it's not your fault...we are all clumsy girls in this house :) I just want you to learn to always be aware of your surroundings and prevent the things you can...but know how to work through the things you can't. I want you to pause and think, even if for a moment, before you make a choice. This is one of the biggest things I can teach you before you begin to explore the world on your own. Trust me as a girl and someday a woman it will be SO VERY important to be aware of things around you and how your own actions can affect any situation (good or bad)! I love you! --Mama

My sweet girl...I didn't yell at her...I didn't punish her...there was no need to do so! She felt bad though...which is more than I can say for her sisters who laughed their tails off in the doorway! LOL
back at you little buggers! After I finished all that talking she said "NOT SCARED OF YOU...scared you were going to break something and it would be my fault!" OH--I may have read into that a bit much :) That little dance I did with the shower curtain was probably the best thing that could have shown her and our conversation to follow was the most important one we will ever have...well until the day she figures out I have ALWAYS been her best friend!

The Birthday Boy and Girl

Overall, this year has been awesome. I have been home WAY more now that I am not taking classes and doing the internship. I have taken a much needed step back to recoup and make a steady step forward. Spent some much needed time with the beauties and have opportunities knocking and waiting for me to answer. I welcome the busy that the last part of the month will bring. More importantly we are days away from not looking at another box in this place (oh the joys of finding things in storage you haven't seen in years)! We have hit a rhythm and routine that will allow me to step into a job soon and I have even been thinking about jumping onto a feature film. I have enjoyed the short term of commercials and television. Like a crazy woman though I miss the excitement of a feature and welcome the right chance to do one again...the one that makes all that crap work worth it!

G's Birthday Breakfast

So far so good. I'll post pics of the new bathroom soon. Along with all the crafts we have done this year...For now enjoy the new Hipstomatic App I got for foodies!

Photographic Memories

I used to be a woman who welcomed change and adventure. Not saying that I no longer do...but more these days I am a little slower to warm up to change and adventure has a entirely new meaning. With all certainty it has been the addition of each beauty that has made me this way. Once you have a full house of little ones it is important to have routine and schedule of day to day activities, but somehow you lose all sense of organization! So strange how that works out.

Around our home has been a busy time getting settled in...to a new place and a new schedule! New routes to school, new obstacles out the door, new rules, so many things are new new new!


Yet there are MANY things that remain the same in HollyHome! Kids everywhere thrive on knowing what to expect (unless it involves ice cream or Disney anything). Keeping the little ones in a solid routine great reduces fits, attitude and confusion. In return making happier and healthier children (so said the girls first pediatrician). Taking that advice and applying it has helped me tremendously as a mother. Bed time got easier, potty training was a breeze, dinner time went smoothly and all around makes us happy. The handsome pilot and I have found these tools to be beneficial in our lifestyle. We relocate for work. We both have ever changing work schedules. We can be known to change directions with a shift in weather just while driving to dinner. We confidently know that our children will easily adapt because the core of what we do and who we are as a family does not change.


Recently I have seen how these intangible gifts of routine are even ever changing...we can introduce new routines and new traditions without a huge disruption in the girls lives. WELL ALMOST! Some changes are out of our control and we do not give up our efforts of healing the uneasy parts of life.

In prayer lies the core of our routine. Every night and every meal we say prayer. I have mentioned this before in previous posts and when I say EVERY I mean MOST. There have been some spans of time where our routine was so fast paced at bed time that 'prayer' was a God bless you said on the way to the bedroom. Followed by me sneaking in later to make the sign of the cross on their foreheads whispering to them each individual prayers that I wrote after G was born. Other nights we just all pass out watching a movie or having the Sing It Karaoke Championships. The through line is that we don't forget God at bed time or meal time no matter how busy we get and no matter what has changed around us in life. Sometimes it's me saying prayer...sometimes it's Daddy...sometimes Tim. On lucky enough summer nights Grandma G is with them and it is a collection of songs to include 'Amazing Grace'...and that is her special gift to them. They love it and look forward to every visit because of that special time.

After our recent move it has been more important than ever to stick to our beloved bed time routine, as extra assurance that this is home! We also added in a little Shel Silverstein back into the routine, which dates all the way back to the days each of them was brought home from the hospital.

A few nights ago as I put the beauties to bed to say prayer they all decided that they would be sleeping in the same bed. Dru in her chosen spot crunched up tightly in the middle of her big sisters. All three pillow pets squeezed in a straight line across the top of the twin bed. Two empty beds stripped of stuffed animals and beloved blankets. One mommy moved to tears at the sight of three beautiful faces with eyes closed gently, hands clasped so God could hear them, and gentle whispers of The Lord's Prayer filling the room. I would give anything for a photograph of that moment! Any thought I had of moving them to their own beds after drifting off to sleep were removed and for the first time since we moved I felt completely and sincerely at HOME once again!

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in taking photos of events and fun times that I lose track of the TIME I am having. I forget to be involved in those moments. Don't get me wrong...I took a hiatus from extreme attachment to my camera for that reason...I know it's important to have those photographs. I sometimes wish I had more photographs, but there are so many moments that I am lucky enough to always close my eyes and go back to immediately. Having moments like that make life worth living.

Our family has finally found a rhythm again. We all know what is going to happen. How long it takes to drive to school. Which days we need to pack an extra snack for the car. Most importantly we have learned that while the world CAN and WILL change around us, we will remain the same. I am proud that we as parents never took the word FAMILY lightly. The Lord knows that with separation and time our family could have lost full sight of what we built our home on from the beginning...LOVE and FAITH. Coming back together again has in no way been easy, but it has not been a challenge either. When we feel out of touch...not at home...scared of the unknown future...we turn to prayer knowing that it will take us back to HOME where we feel safe and grateful for all we have been blessed to have and know as a family.

For us it's prayer. For Grandma G it's songs. For my Daddy it was morning talks. With Mama K it is coffee and chatter over the table. I am amazed what providing consistency can do for children and for a whole family. Being consistent and having a routine does not mean that things never change, it simply means take some things remain with you as it does and if you don't like what has changed then CHANGE IT BACK to the way it were!

Audree 2010

Grayce and AJ 2007

**To my beauties I would say... Enjoy every moment you are given in this lifetime. Take photographs of the great moments. Always remember to be a part of the amazing moments. Know your family has faith in all that you choose to do and be. Most of all say your Prayers and brush your teeth before you go to sleep...it's the fastest way back 'home' again! --All my love Mommy

A rare photo of bedtime with Grandma G during a visit 'home' in 2010.

Just Like Always...

When I originally started blogging I swore I would better define 'how I do it?' and I guess I haven't really gotten that far yet. What reminded me of this was Super Manny and I were at the Swedish Embassy (aka Ikea) and ran into a young couple that had a measuring tape to a chaise...which I thought was genius because I couldn't remember the name to my Swedish couch. While Tim tested each couch with his rear side I started chatting up the young couple at how smart and prepared they were. She kindly informed me they forgot the measurement of their space at home. So they were still gonna have to wing it! I felt much better about my lack of preparation for my own excursion. -- Back to the great debate of the bubblegum pink couch cover that was on sale...as Tim and I discussed...they over heard my two major arguements...Number 1- We have 3 little girls at home,2 female cats, 1 female dog, plus myself TOTAL of 7 females. Number 2- The handsome pilot while absent for the final voting process had already approved said purchase. (defense of pink couches has ended).

The woman and I began conversing...she too had a child. She was in 'the industry'. Her husband traveled a lot (a handsome musician). AND THEN 'how do you do it?' she said 'I only have one!'

I then had to confess that I worked in the industry as well and had a the handsome pilot who traveled everyday for work. Both of them looked at me like I had 10 eyeballs and I must say in that moment I was almost embarassed. I cheated. I have Super Manny. That is one way. But I have been without him. Watching them look at each other and then back at me at least 5 times I knew they were seeking a secret answer. So I just blabbered it all out. Now I will share with you what I shared with them...

First, I am not a new parent. Their little one was barely a year old and so far their only child. Having one child is hard, because being a new parent is 10 levels past difficult. The chances are that its not second babies that are easier...second time PARENTS are just smarter! Third time parents are just relaxed...and based on watching my own mothers, even more kids will make you God-like with wisdom. The first child has you running to the doctor with EVERYTHING. We knew NOTHING. A nurse told me once to take a rectal temp on my 1st born and I cried...then rushed her to the ER. Yup...it was a 101 temp... which isn't cause for an ER visit by the way. Not for a baby... they tend run high. Just a luke warm bath and some Tylenol. Really?! I stayed awake that ENTIRE night watching my sweet 1st born sleep, but I tell you what after a 6 hour trip to the ER I learned to get over my fear of rectal temp taking! I was just a nervous wreck all the time...constantly thinking about her. Worrying about her health. OH BOY and the allergies to everything and the special diet. Colic. Color of poo. Everything I was obsessed with. I read novels on parenting, magazine articles, online anything. I debated both sides of every piece of advice with the handsome pilot. We tried everything and eventually figured out what worked for us as parents and what worked for Grayce ... meeting in the middle creating a perfect balance. ALL of that was a time consuming lesson...but so worth it by beauty number three!

Secondly, making anything work is about priorities. After AJ came college was a bit tougher. Classes were so hard with two babies. I guess healthy babies that could attend childcare would have been easier, I know that mothers out there do it all the time and much credit is due to them. I was making a 90 minute drive one way 3x's a week to take Grayce to see a specialist, then eventually down to 1 time a month by the time AJ was born. With both of them I never missed a day of classes after giving birth. LOL freaked my fellow students out! I had Tuesday and Thursday classes...so I was just back at it after giving birth on Friday!  After AJ I walked straight into finals...then had winter break. Sadly she had developed RSV and couldn't be around other children for 7 weeks. I tried daycare with both of them and both times major problems to include physical harm and neglect! So the handsome pilot and I arranged our classes at opposite times...one of us was always with the kids. I took a job working nights. Slept when the babies slept. Daddy was a stay at home daddy for a few months. By the time AJ was a few months old we had our first live in nanny. She was awesome. I got sleep and studying done. I also got my wedding planned. She moved away with her boyfriend after 2 months and then Tim filled the position about a month after she moved.  Living in a small town daycare options were limited, besides I am a fan of having them at home! I knew eventually they would go to school and have activities finding a million ways to get out of the house in the years to come. I would just prefer that when not doing those things they are HOME. It was important to both the handsome pilot and myself as their parents...remains just as important today. During college I was trying to find a career...something that would make me feel like I wasn't 'working' my life a way. I did just that. Eventually, I was offered a job in film and came to LA leaving college behind. A choice I don't regret at all.

Finally, organization...communication...and the occasional desperation! When we came to LA back in 2007 there were 3 adults vs. 2 little beauties! Tim took on less of the full-time Nanny role. He worked and stayed busy. We had another friend that is in the 'industry'. The handsome pilot was flight instructing and flying private planes. Together all of us made a family. Before I went to work I organized school uniforms by day of the week down to the socks. Funday Sunday was our collective day to clean the house. All school paperwork waited for me at the end of the night to sign and review. Daddy took care of rides to and from preschool and kinder. On NO school days a grown up was there. When I went on location (which was EVERY show in the beginning) Daddy took less work and balanced the schedule with Tim. Family dinners every night to talk about the days happenings and the next days schedule. I worked from home. Daddy worked 5 minutes away and was home several times a day... if even for an hour at various times. He took work out of town or out of country and I would adapt to be home. I had a more accurate calendar in those days....writing down everything! Keeping track of everyone. I did all the grocery shopping, bills, and the guys did the garbage, yard and pool. Flying by the seat of our pants was not an option. Whenever we ran into a desperate situation we got creative! Work with Daddy days. Work with Mommy days. Work from home days. I was forced to be more organized than ever before...still today it takes the well oiled machine to run the brood. I am just less neurotic about it all now. Tim would probably argue not much less.

With all that said. I guess the most honest answer is...'we always have'. That's how I do it everyday. The same way we always have. With the same people we always have. Tim always gets the Super Manny award, but really he is and always has been Super Family. The handsome pilot and I made choices many years ago and never strayed. We knew what we wanted for our girls and made them top priority. HOME our whole lives revolve around it! We knew it would mean sacrifice from time to time. As long as the girls were never the ones sacrificing. The pilot and I both have an office view we would not like to give up. Tim has the chance to write and be in LA. We are extremely well oiled. Extremely close. We are family. This is Home... in Hollywood.

I am certain that this set up won't last forever, but as my new Ikea friend and I discussed the beauty of the 'industry' is that we can choose to NOT take work. We can be at home with our kids for how ever long we choose. We are not committed to the same job all the time. Both a beauty and a burden of freelance. That wonderful couple was doing everything perfectly, they were doing what was right for them I just know that as new parents...they deserved to hear it from someone that already came up through the ranks! Right now I have been home with the beauties for a month...it has been so nice and I don't forget to take advantage of every moment with them. Whether I have 1 baby or 500 babies...this life is managed the same way. Just now my worry and fear have been replaced with knowledge and experience! To sound cliche 'if there's a will, there's a way'. My way wouldn't work for everyone...but everyone can make it work for them. I am a firm believer that if we hadn't figured this out...we would have figured something out that we were comfortable with as parents and happy with as a family.

Right now my creative side...the side that has to always stay engaged and busy is totally fueled by getting settled into a new place,writing,painting,cooking and laughing. Tim has read two novels and caught up on video games with his free time. Us grown folks are prepping for preschool at home and looking forward to Dru being old enough in a few short months to start attending more playdates and activities. Working on little human potty training for the third time. We are constructing an indoor treehouse in the weeks to come. Life is beautiful. My life is beautiful. The film industry is beautiful.

The road to success is paved with those who gave up.

What Did You Just Call Me?

So I am up later than normal. Not sure if it was that cup of coffee that I was craving, but knew I shouldn't drink and did anyway. Stress? Not feeling well? Creative mind at work? Thinking of all the house stuff left to do? Unfinished shopping list? OR if it is that awkward back to work goodbye that I had with the handsome pilot before he went back to work.

Part of me wants to check FlightAware to see how he is doing...BUT I did that once and it didn't go to well. Actually that last sentence is a HELL of an understatement and deserves a short story.

For those of you that don't know FlightAware is an site online where you (anyone) can check the status of a flight. If you know the tail number to the aircraft or the flight number if its commercial. Well one late night a few years ago (I was pregger with Audree), the handsome pilot took a week of work moving a small plane across the country with another guy. They flew out to the east coast and picked up a plane to bring back to Long Beach. They called and said that the weather had gotten bad and that he was diverting to visit his dad near Bozeman,MT for the night. Told me to track him on FlightAware and that he would call when he landed. I had never done this before...BUT what the heck. SO after a few hours I logged on entered all the information. Saw that he had taken off...followed the dashes...and BAM the plane icon fell out of the sky! Showing that it had CRASHED! NOT the page loading...not a malfunction of the website. A DOWNED AIRCRAFT! WTF and HFS and OMG! I freaked out. I called his dad who didn't answer! I called him who didn't answer! I started calling the FBO's in MT no answer! I called the 1-800 to FlightAware! I finally got ahold of some nice old man at the Bozeman airport (which was so small the calls actually went to his house)! I woke him up in what I thought was a calm concerned woman voice asking if this particular tail number had landed...which got a response of "young lady I would have to be at the airport to know that!"
I cried for about 30 minutes trying to catch my breath! Had all my worries been justified?...would his dad be showing up at the house to tell me that they were searching for wreckage?...what would I tell my children?...should I call his mom?...OK maybe I entered in the info wrong...I tried again and again...for more than an HOUR...same results! Called local hospitals of the 'crash site'...
When FINALLY I got my man on the phone he was fine. JUST FINE! Alive and not anything near a crash! Apparently the smaller planes don't always get updated as often as the commercial planes on FlightAware! Well hell...that could have been mentioned!

See on my wedding day someone asked me if I was ready to be a Pilot's Wife and I nearly laughed at the label...as I stood in a 9,000 sq foot historic airplane hangar that was decorated for our huge reception...with pink iced airplane shaped cookies...walked in as the new Mr&Mrs to the Top Gun theme song...watched planes land all night as we shared the night with our family AND I said no I am not ready to be a pilots wife, but I am going to love being his wife.

Goodness gracious what was I thinking! Guess I was thinking like any other independent woman that would be doomed in a relationship with a man who's career was actually a way of life. See pilots always have 'another love'... the sky...the plane...the office view. They also have high divorce rates! So it's no wonder our marriage has had so many 'take-offs and landings'...because my industry has high divorce rates too! For me it's rarely a factor of the 'other love' as much as it is the risk he takes.

Maybe I meet him so soon after 9/11 or that there are always plane crashes on the news or that I met him while he was still in college before he was even 21 and thought this love would fade (with the planes)! I don't know for sure. I have always been a risk vs. reward type of person and to me a job like that just was not worth the risk! Prior to marrying a pilot I was scared to death of flying...still am...except in his right seat! I have always had this strange gut fear of losing him. Even during our separation he would let me know when he was on the ground safely...after some time I stopped worrying so much. Here I am exactly 11 years after I met him still telling him to be careful every night. And finally figured out why pilots wives are labeled. Just like a cop wife or a Marine wife or all the other wives that have ever not slept with worry. BECAUSE WE F*ING EARNED IT! We are proud of our husbands. We worry for them. We love them. They have jobs with more risk than most. (PS mad props to the cop wives...I would have never even gone on a first date...that's too much stress for me:)

It took some time for me. It took finding out that there are other pilots wives (who have great blogs btw) and that I am not alone. I guess most of all it took time for me to understand that there is a handsome pilot out there who is doing what he loves and always dreamed to be...I can respect that. I can understand that and I love that. Shall the day come he wants to make me a baker's wife or a preacher's wife or a stay-at-home dad's wife...I will love any of those even more :) While being away from your spouse for work is common, it wasn't what the first 6 years of our relationship was and took some time to get used to for us both. So used to being glued at the hip for so many years and loving every minute of it...having all that time away disconnected us from who 'we' were meant to be. I think though we have seen better and we have seen worse...now we just get to enjoy the stuff in between until the new work schedule comes out or he has enough hours for an upgrade!

I may not have this whole Pilot's Wife thing figured out. I know that the love (of the planes) is not fading anytime soon and I did figure out that one of the many things I was great at this whole time was being a wife to a Handsome Pilot. Call me what you will...

And right on schedule the text of safety comes in...and a beautiful nap awaits me...good night clouds he shall meet you again tomorrow :)


(Photo is from 2008--My First & Only Flight Lesson! He waited years to get me to do that! Made him happy :)

Memories ... It's Whats For Dinner!

One of the many talents I am known for is FEEDING EVERYONE! All the time. You'll pretty much offend me if you don't eat!

Cooking is love. If you think back to mom,dad, grandma, aunts, and all the special memories from a lifetime there is always a kitchen or a grill nearby. Breakfast,Lunch,Dinner and everything in between usually happened in the kitchen. It's were my bro and I always took our greatest arguements (cuz our referee was in there), it's where I did my homework (so mom could see us and dad could answer questions wondering back and forth from the grill), it's where we all played 'Mouse Trap' (biggest table in the house), where I had my 1st cup of coffee (with my mama K), where we cured J Girl's 1st heartbreak (there was ice cream)!

So many memories--so much LOVE at every table.

Granted I give my mother the hardest time for not always being a whiz in the kitchen when I was younger. She actually burned fish sticks on the OUTSIDE, but they were still frozen on the INSIDE! Now there are so many things that she can do in that kitchen. In all fairness when my brother and I were younger she was hardly home to cook dinner, but always there to eat it with us. When I got old enough it was me who cooked the sides and my Dad (step-dad) grilled something. EVERY NIGHT except Friday...we ate out! Always the grill...summer,winter,fall and spring. Digging his way through rain, snow, or leaves out to the Weber and lighting charcoal...never fail with charcoal. The greatest gift we ever got my Daddy (my dad dad!) was a propane grill. My sister and I went in on it together and proudly presented it to him years ago. He still uses it and still makes the best pork steaks you will ever eat (my bro is a close second)! I love sitting out there at the grill while he cooks and fights fire. We've talked,laughed,argued and resolved out on that back deck. My Dad's were the Kings of the kitchen at our houses!


Every holiday is my Aunt B feeding everyone...all the aunts actually...but at Aunt B's house. The summer I was pregnant with Audree she spent so much time teaching me recipes. Small reminders of the times I spend with my Gma J in her kitchen as a child (mostly in time out w/a cousin or two...so Gma could keep an eye on us)! Gpa J bringing in fresh anything from his garden. The extra stove Gpa put in the garage for her as to not heat up the house in the summer time. All the mason jars down yonder dwindling down and the time spent watching my Grandparents work together to replenish what we enjoyed. Time in my teens at my Aunt V's house making ice cream,monkey bread and memories! Tears stream down my face now as I think about the turmoil my Aunts are in arguing with one another. Not my business, but I would give anything to be back in Gma's kitchen (Aunt V's kitchen now :) chasing my cousins-tattletelling-stealing Gpa's juciy fruit gum-laughing-and LEARNING. I learned everything I needed to know about being a mother from that room without knowing it. My Mama K's (my step mom) family taught me so much as well...mostly that no house is too small to host a family dinner! And that EVERYONE is family! If you showed up and at least 2 redheads could vouch for you...dinner was yours :)

My house has always been the same. My first husband was kinda like my very own lab rat sent to me by Betty Crocker herself. We were Marines...stomachs of steel back then. Thank goodness cuz I had to feed us both on about $50 a month. The Chaplin gave me a cookbook for a wedding gift...I no longer have that cookbook BUT my famous lasagna remains! I was stationed in Okinawa as a newlywed. My dinner time was my mothers middle of the night...3am call from your tearful daughter trying to figure out meatloaf...what mother wouldn't value that an emergency? Her response was 3 words: ketchup. crackers. hamburger. Then a dial tone. (I am laughing thinking about this...but I was crying at the time). There was not really internet like there is now. I couldn't just hop on and find a zillion blogs with answers; I was in Japan I couldn't pop over to the neighbors and ask. My husband wanted meatloaf and I wanted to make it...I did. He ate it. Yes, he is still alive. Living happy in SoCal with a beautiful wife (who I pray can cook like a champ...he earned it)!

Lesson learned. My cooking no matter how awful wouldn't come close to killing anyone (if you don't count the time the glass pan exploded and we ate the chicken anyway...we all suffer from an unrational fear of knock-off Pyrex)! So I couldn't stop cooking people had to eat. That year in Okinawa I single handedly cooked a Christmas meal for about 70 Marines. We rented tables and chairs. If 2 Marines could vouch for ya...you had dinner! Somehow with all the Christmas memories I possess from a lifetime that is my fave! Easter that following year was just as amazing. We were Marines. We only had each other. We were brothers and sisters in arms. Amazing memories.

By the time I met and married the handsome pilot my cooking skills had improved. Not greatly. But his life was not in as much danger as the Marine. There is only one meal he can make fun of me for. FILET OF BEEF with Avocado! (ummm.I have no defense for this meal.It was like warmed up beef jerky with melted green goo.) Also, don't get Filet Mignon from WalMart. Lesson learned. No one died.

One thing hubs and I have always done was sit down and eat. TOGETHER. Even when his work day sat him down for dinner at 11pm I sit with him. We end our day at the table. The way a family should. Even during our separation he would request meals that he missed or arrive and share some new ones he learned. We sat down for a meal each night he was here. Never letting go of the family table we originally created. Intentionally. With purpose. One that worked! Our plan was for our table to always bring us together and unite us. It has. It does. We are all the better for having valued the importance of praying and eating as a family.

We always had friends over. Ribs and Crab Legs were an epic college meal (rare BUT amazing)! Taco Night. My BFF lived across the hall in mine and hubs 1st apartment. We ate together. Rock Paper Scissors who would do sides and who would do meat. My greatest friend Mary Carol lived below me. She was nearly 70 years old at the time and also taught me about being a mother and about cast iron skillets. From the time I was pregnant with Grayce. She was who I turned to with my Mama's so far away. Amazing times. Amazing meals. Amazing people.

When the beauties came along none of that changed. Family sits at the table. Whether you are 2 days, 2 years, or 29 years (like me now ;) )! Prayers ALWAYS. We have our fave family prayer printed and framed to hang in our dining room because we needed a cheat sheet learning new ones. AJ was our toughest little one. Always a fight at the dinner table. Pickiest eater. Never eating. Grayce was allergic to everything under the sun. Audree perfection. 3rd times the charm I guess.

So many of my friends come to me for advice on all of the issues I went through/go through with the beauties and eating. My family teases me about my Hollywood all (okay mostly) organic diet for the girls. How do I do it? How do I afford it? Why? Isn't that a lot of work? Don't you let them have any fun? No candy? Your not a fun mom!
WAIT A MINUTE on the last one :) I was so anal about their diet...I get that. I have let up over time. We have special days. They finally got to try Chef Boyardee from a can...and loved it! (gagging a little in my mouth right now). The day after someones birthday we eat leftover birthday cake for breakfast. Once a year we eat ice cream for dinner (well they think it's dinner, careful planning of actually           healthy meal earlier than normal has to be accomplished...I know its dessert,but let them think it's dinner)! They are allowed Sprite or Root Beer when we are not at home (eating out,birthday parties,etc)! Every now and again I bake monkey bread (see Aunt V's house)! There are plenty of times to 'cheat' on our organic diets. There are so many ways to make what we are baking,cooking and sharing with the ones we love healthier than the original.

Most of all I finally have something close to my dream kitchen (work in progress)! It sits in the middle of the house. No walls. Everyone can find me. Everyone can join me.
I believe wholeheartedly that we have all gotten so disconnected from our food. Precooked. Frozen. Fast. In the car. On the couch. Grab and Go.
The best way to teach them is to show them. My girls rarely get kicked out of my kitchen. The last one was too small and cramped so sometimes they had too, it just wasn't practical!
Taking them to shop for food with you is the start. Farmer's Market is our fave place. We touch. We smell. We ask questions. We taste.

Then we go home. I chop. They touch. Mix. Create. MAKE A MESS. Cook. Bake. ENJOY!

What I am actually creating is a relationship. A healthy relationship with food. Where it comes from. What we can do with it. How we can create a taste to be enjoyed by mixing it together. A respect for our bodies, what we put into it, and why it is important. Somewhere in all of that we have made a memory and strengthened our relationship with one another. Someday I hope they will share these same experiences with their own children (way way way long time from now).

You can't get family tradition out of a can!

Now that is not to say that after all the activities and days we are running behind that I don't keep some box mac and cheese in my cabinet (but there is NO JUNK allowed in our cabinets. NO fruit snacks, chips, candy...I don't even waste my money cuz we won't eat it). Or that Tim doesn't always have a standby quick meal plan/idea in his back pocket or at the very least some McNuggets on the way home. We do those things too. Lately with the move and the hectic that is basketball season it seems as if though our family table has transformed for a moment. But we share, love, and enjoy all the same. Tonight we even had our first guest for dinner in quite sometime...1 kid and 1 cat vouched for him...so he got dinner. The same plate of dinner waited for the pilot. We wrapped up my day and began his. We adapt and overcome while still meeting our goals. Tim cooked...I ran passing drills with Grayce in prep for her game tomorrow. Together we shared our days missed with an old friend. We laughed. We had a toddler trying to bail from the table. Simply perfect.

Mama's come a long way from Ramen in a Cup.




Kitchens...also GREAT for bathing baby.
*NOTE to Dad's must remove baby before washing dishes.
Doing both at the same time is NOT multi-tasking.
But I like that your thinking :)

Audree and Grayce 2010
(Our 1st HollyHome)