I Am Still Writing That Book...Everyday!

SATURDAY, JANUARY 28, 2006

My mom

This is my first offical blog post EVER! Its not going so well...I keep erasing and starting over! I don't know where to begin. I mean I am 26 years old, but I have lead a crazy life...and if you don't know what I have been through it is hard to understand why I get all amped up over little shit! I am a former Marine (1997-2000) which means I graduated high school and ran straight to the Corps traveled the world and came home again...sorta. Never actually moved back in with my mother since I left September 7th, 1997. I remember a few tears that night in the hotel...my recruiter told me to stop my crying and get some rest...from then on I didn't really look back. I look back now, but when I left there wasn't much to look back on. Mom and I didn't get along...we lived in a new house that I didn't grow up in...the only thing I hated was looking into my baby sisters face and hoping she understood that I loved her and I wish I was going to be there to grow up with her. Now when I look back at the same scene I see the tears my mother held back...the fear on her face...and the pain of letting me go. I wish I could go back and hug her one more time before I walked out that door. I called my mom a while back and told her thank you for putting up with me all those years and said I was sorry for not getting on the school bus on time for the entirety of my education. But what I will tell her someday is I am sorry that I insisted on learning my own lessons on my own terms. I took the hard road despite the many times she guided to "easy street". Now I know why...now I get it! Seeing my girls do it their own way on their own terms and watching thier heart break and their trust mistreated by others is going to kill me. But I am better for my experiences no matter what the struggle or disapproval from my mom...better because she was always there watching over me. Just like I will be with Grayce & Ava.

Guess I am amped up on my mom today because she had a hard day in a series of many hard days...and I can't fix it. But through her tough day she took 100 calls from me about wedding stuff and nonsense stuff and just calmed me. She really is coming through for me with wedding planning...dispite her worries over not having a job. (*note to self...kick the ass of some guy named Doug with an itch...lol!) I can say this about my mom she knows how to agravate ya but she knows even better how to love ya!

Anyhow I don't know the real point of talking this much about my mom to everybody. But I feel better. Hope you all think a little more of your own moms. Next posting I will tell more of myself so you can all get to know me better. I always said I wanted to write a book of my life, but never knew where to begin. Maybe when I bring you all up to date and hash out the things I have been through I can piece it all together and make sense of the tornando that sucked me up and spit me out...cuz so far that is what life feels like. Maybe my story will come together for even me.
<End of my 1st Blog!>

Photo From 2011 :)
-My mother inspires me more and more everyday since 2006. She is strong and genuine. She cares and love (too much sometimes)! I adore her and I am even more thankful for her love and support now in 2012 than I ever thought I could be...


The World Is Yours.

Thank You 2011

Sometimes one of the most important things we can do is look back on times we have had, not dwell on the past but simply think back. Some of my most favorite things are in my past. Like time spent with my Grandpa Jones. Times in high school when friends were the most important thing we had and parents were the worst. Funny how looking back I am glad that has changed! Memories of laughter and tears. To remind me that things aren't always as bad as they could be and that all of life is not bad. I love looking back and in December just before Christmas I tend to do it the most.

I like how although my past does not define me, it is the greatest part of who I am today. I am proud of my accomplishments. My time in the Marine Corps. My time in college. My time at home getting back up from big falls.

This year has been the most important year of my life. Romantically, I spent it alone. Parenting, I spent it alone. Financially, I spent it alone. I discovered what took 32 years... ME!

 This year I worked more than ever! Did you guys know that in the film industry there can be 38 hours in ONE day!?! I didn't either. It's like a magic black hole. I worked to learn and to gather knowledge that can help me gain more consistent momentum in my career. I was on some pretty serious sets. I worked with some top talent in my line of work.

I lost a few friendships this year. Some of it was due to working so much. I took advice that some of them gave me...take time for myself. I can't be angry about friendships lost. While my heart aches from time to time I feel overall that if I have to choose between my kids, my self or them. Then they weren't my friend in the first place.

I also gained so many important friendships. While none of them will help me move furniture...they will be there for me in times of tears and fear. Most of them are in the form of First World Problems! While the guys and I as a team had some ups and downs...it was all mostly FANTASTIC! We won an award, nominated for others, performed on the main stage, had some amazing coaching by some talented people and more importantly we are still a TEAM! I can't wait to see what 2012 brings me and the boys!

I also shared the year with so many other friends. Mending friendships this year. Watching the rise, the fall, and the rise again of my best friend. We are crazy drama together...but we laugh and love better than anyone I know.
I learned I have amazing friends who are great mothers. They make my struggles feel normal. And remind me I am doing alright in the most important job in this life "MOMMYHOOD"! Thank you ladies.

I completed my time studying at The Second City. Memories made with people that will forever remain in my heart and mind...and in 'Photos From Last Night'! I felt a sense of accomplishment when we closed our show on the 18th of December. I had lived out part of a childhood dream. Reminding me that dreaming is not silly...with enough focus and determination dreams are realized everyday. Thanks Second City. Thanks Sketchy Bastards. The whole experience was an honor. Makes me know that my NPO is attainable and with this knowledge I can move forward, even if slowly.

I learned the art of simply letting go without hatred or anger. I learned we can still love even if we disagree. Kinda hard to believe, but not everyone is out to get you. Some people just loved you enough once to not hurt or harm you when it fades away.  Finding that love does outweigh hate was the single most amazing experience I have ever had in this lifetime.

I learned forgiveness does not fix everything...but it is the first step in a lifetime of happiness.


Even when I worked 18 hour days for weeks on end I always made time for my beauties. I also took a lot of time off this year. We enjoyed every second of our time together! I have also said that my mom worked a 9-5 job. I love my schedule more than hers. The kids like this better too. Work hard and play harder! The beauties and I enjoyed so many good times this year. From beaches. To Hollywood. To rollercoasters. To drives on the coast. Cuddles. Kisses. School days. It was an amazing time with them. In those moments we all forget how hard mommy works to give them what they have.

I had help this year and am lucky to count Tim as my friend. He has been my left hand this year. He says I could have done it without him...maybe I could have! But glad I didn't have too!

This year was spent with a lot of people around me speaking about things they have no knowledge of in regards to my life. Watching people put the ASS in assumptions makes me smile :)

This was the best year of my life if I look at all the learning I did. I am nothing shy of the awesome my mother always saw in me :) and I am nothing close to perfect! I am just fine being me. I am a me that my girls can be proud of. I am a me that I am proud of. That took a lot of work. A lot of honesty.
From time to time I still forget...but that is why I have such amazing people in my life to remind me of how good these times were. My sisters will never think of me less than famous! My mother knows every failure, but still see's the best in me. My Mama Kim will set me right in an instant. My bro will offer to beat you up just to make me think he's tough. And my Daddy...well he's gonna remind me every time without fail of where I come from and what I stand for...he is the only man that gets to call me out on my bullshit. Because well he does it with love and dirt!

A part of me is ready for a new year...but I loved this one so much there will be a tear shed for 2011's passing on to the year gone by category.

Let's Catch Up...

Okay-Okay-Fine! I promised to be a more frequent blogger...and I have not been! I'll take the heat!

I have been writing...just not posting! I had a few months were I desired some privacy and went back to my original struggle with doing a blog. In the end. I decided there is nothing to hide. I live a great life. I am surrounded by great people and those I love who are not here on a daily basis...this is their way to know about Hollyhome and all its happenings. This blog I wrote a few weeks back. I will post some others soon. I promise :)

Hollyhome has been busy, busy, busy. In my down time I have worked so much...not for the pay but for ALL the experience it can bring me :)

My Conservatory class (aka Sketchy Bastards) at Second City...well the song is complete...which was written not by me...cuz well I am still working on mine-HA! Our show titled "Photos From Last Night" opened to a packed house and has remained packed for our first three shows. I feel that someones are missing from the audience. Like my family...so badly I want to see my mommy holding post-show flowers for me and telling me how amazing I am. Don't get me wrong she has reminded me everyday for my whole life how great I am (minus some teenage days)! I wish my Daddy and Mama K could be here! Esp my Daddy...cuz I learned recently that he dreamed of doing this sort of work...I love learning about my parents. I would love for the 3 key people in raising me to see what it is that keeps me away from 'home'! I had hopes that my HS friend would join me for a closing night show...but we will see! December is a busy and expensive month to travel! The most important part is that I carry my family (ALL of them) and friends (ALL of them)  with me every time I brave the stage. Think I need to look into streaming that sucker live....hmmmm? Then you could all join me :)

Also, during this time my baby sister is planning a wedding and I the Maid of Honor (no won't use Matron...makes me sound old as hell!) have been busy with everything! I am could use a little help picking out my dress. She said I could choose and I have panicked at the thought...I was having a tough enough time choosing a theme for the bridal shower and a strip club for bachelorette party (bwhahahaha)! But I just got done looking at my options again and will proudly call her with my choice tomorrow so she can stop worrying her pretty red head about the matter and move on to enjoying the rest of the planning. I disliked being a bride as the day approached and choices had to be made, money had to be spent, feelings had to be considered, and not feeling fully supported in the planning. FAIL on me. I guess I just am not a great person to have in weddings. I have only ever been in one (and I was the alternate) I have been shunned out of two...lol! I try to lol...but really it still hurts pretty bad. Funny how its the brides day and we can all be there to support, but ultimately we end up hurt. Does NOT make sense! FAIL on me again.

I am so proud of her though! She has grown into the most amazing woman in the last 2 years...she is stronger, more independent and just over all a great WOMAN! She is worrying about making everyone happy for this wedding...my advise to her-- YOU CAN'T! I love you and it will be great! Just breathe and trust me...it all goes smoothly! Our family LOVES weddings and our loving aunts and cousins have made each one of our weddings a day to remember! See you soon my beautiful sister!

Hollygirls are amazing. G joined the volleyball team and got to play in a few games as a 3rd grader! They had an amazing season...nearly made it to the playoffs! Actually they were guaranteed a spot...then got a little screwed over by another team that said they inaccurately counted wins and losses...and our Lady Lions lost their spot :( As the 8th graders cried...G said to me "got 5 more years!" Now she has moved on to Basketball...almost to her first game :) She also has been at The Second City in the youth conservatory. Doing improv has brought her to life...and she has great jokes now! Further theory on children and improv to come later...w

AJ is just being AJ. Diva-licious and fabulous! I let both girls audition for a commercial I worked on...thought it would be fun! And boy they ate it up! AJ memorized the lines...G coached her and they both nailed it in the room! Don't know if they actually could have gotten cast...because the chance was more to curb their curiousity. They do ask to do it again--UH OH!

 I will start publishing all of these...I promise...so many just sitting around!