Thursday, May 10, 2012

Your Fearful Leader


April came and went without a published blog. No worries I was still writing and will get them all posted soon enough. I have been busy with some personal things and wading through some professional things.

I feel like my professional life needs a twist. Not sure what that is just yet, but since I finished the conservatory program at The Second City Hollywood in December, I don't know what to do. What I am feeling is NOT a rut...more of a fork in the road. A big piece of me wants to begin writing again. Continue improvising, but let go of acting. Stop production altogether. YET there is another piece of me that wants to do the opposite of each part of that I just said before.

I knocked down walls to create open doors for me and I feel as if though professionally I am still sitting in the waiting room finishing up an article in US Weekly even after my name was called. Knowing that if I don't get up and move then I will miss my chance and have to reschedule my appointment...with destiny. I spent the better part of two years building my resume. Which involved interning, training and ultimately creating a better foundation to build my dreams upon. Now what do I build? The actor? The improvisor? The writer? The producer? --The one thing I can tell you is that constructing all four is wearing me out!

I know I don't want to leave the entertainment world. I know that I have to drive my focus into a solid direction. I have just been such a free spirit when it comes to my career--living the freelance lifestyle and going where the work would take me. Now I feel like I have taken a big chunk out of each part of my creative mind and really know myself better than before. So why is this so difficult? Maybe because I am now ready to move out of the box in which lied so much uncertainty and move on to all the things I worked my ass off to achieve. The fork is difficult. I almost wish there was fear to stop me--because at least my decision would be made already!

Less than 1/2 of the year is behind me and I wish to celebrate 2012 already. As a year I have moved forward with fear always in my back pocket, knowledge in my brain and forgiveness in my heart. I never leave the house without a touch of fear...for fear can drive you to do things you otherwise would never attempt. Fear can lead the way to success if you allow it to do so. Fear is not what I desire to overtake me, but what I allow to fuel me. I tell the beauties everyday 'it is all the things you fear that will be the most worthwhile!'

And with that...I step forward.

"...I took the one less traveled by...and that has made all the difference."

1 comment:

  1. Love this post! Can't wait to see what the future holds for you :) It all seems very exciting!