Busy? Who me?
I think most people have a life that is busy, especially if you are parents and even more if you are working parents. By working that could mean a job or in college or BOTH! Funny thing is being a parent IS a job. If you don't do it then you have to pay someone to do the same job you would if you were home...keep the babies safe and love them! I seek a balance to do both. Work, educate myself, be myself, and raise my beauties. I feel restricted in my options these days in how to make it all work smoothly and with my job it can definitely be difficult. The opportunities I turn down every week could have propelled my career into some AMAZING directions rather quickly. My priorities are not with my career...they are not with my personal dreams and goals. My number one priority is the three beauties that need me, depend on me and look to me for an example. So I stick to the philosophy that SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE!
The film industry is a difficult race. I work on both sides of the camera, or at least I aspire to be on both sides. For now I work in production...what does that mean? Well, it is an umbrella term for making the impossible--possible. I have 'produced' in the broad term that everyone understand--taking something from page to screen-start to finish. Mostly small projects like tv pilots, web shorts, etc. But there are so many types of producers in film and tv. Executive Producers, Creative Producers, Co-Producers, Associate Producers, Line Producers, Production Managers (the last two are close to the same thing) and so many other production jobs that are all in production. These are some of the ones I thought were widely recognized on screen credits. Granted I am not a fancy Hollywood producer...not even close. I am often a Unit Production Manager or Production Coordinator for non-union tv commercials. I haven't done a feature film since Dru was born.
All that was basically NOT a great explanation...but I don't think I could define my job other than saying it is whatever is needed for the sake of getting that project 'in the can' at that moment. Whether that is hiring crew, figuring out lunch for 100 people, booking an actor a plane ticket, talking to the nice Korean lady next door over tea and kissing her butt so she doesn't complain to the film permit office, finding ways to save money, saying no to spending money, creating and taking care of the budget, basically just getting it all figured out so they can roll that camera and I can relax until they need something again.
Anyhow sometimes its fun, sometimes gratifying, and sometimes it's just work. My true love is performing. I love it. Acting is the best creative outlet I have found in my lifetime. Living here is a constant reminder of how much I love it. I am surrounded by people just like me. Which is good and bad. As you watch television you see my peers, colleagues and dearest friends on the television right in front of you. It's not strange to me and never really has been. Thankfully I don't get starstruck or spin out of control when I meet a celeb, because if I did it would have really put a wrench on set with Ashton Kutcher all day. Freaking out at Trader Joe's with a Jonas Brother in line in front of me would be awkward and I would want to drop grapes everywhere. True panic setting in while walking down my neighborhood streets would also make living downstairs from many celeb an exhausting experience.
Instead, I use all of these people I am surrounded with everyday and in every place as a reminder that the things I want are not out of reach. The question is am I reaching in the right direction?
I am definitely at a crossroad in my time here in Hollywood. I really need to make a final push towards my career and the direction I would like to head. I have cracked many doors to take a peek at what is inside. I have jumped on most every opportunity that came my way. I have carried a steady pace through this town. Always giving a vague answer as to what I do and where I want to be. This last bit of time here has been 2 full years now and 2012 marks the FIFTH year since I originally landed. For anyone that doesn't live here just have to TRUST ME 5 years is a landmark. FIVE YEARS is like this magic random numerical value given to the amount of time for you to actually start making a living in this town. Most people I talk to can say amazing things about their 5th year in Hollywood. Granted I took quite a bit of time off and left for a short time...so I am allowing a buffer of time. BUT it's year 5 and it is magical!
As I stand at the crossroad of decisions I am looking in a few directions...STAY? GO? ACT? PRODUCE? STAY ON SAME COURSE? I will tell you all of them seem appealing at different times of the day. I am allowing myself some time to reflect and get through some very personal and challenging times. Who knows? I guess I still have the rest of year 5 to see if the magic will work for me...but let me tell you the MAGIC is only proportional to the amount of work you put into yourself and your goals.
For now The Beauties and I are going to keep calm and carry on...slow but steady.