Friday, February 8, 2013

The Freedom To Catch Up

I honestly don't know where to begin :)

I wrote a few blogs that I never just said SUMMER IS SO AWESOME!

So I guess that is how and why I haven't blogged lately. Life has just been AWESOME! and BUSY! We couldn't be doing too much better...well okay we could. Yet I am not complaining at all.

The beauties have been rockstars and growing so fast. I love documenting it all. Sometimes when I blog I turn into too much of a journal about how I feel in the moment to moment of life and forget to take in the big picture. I also forget to come back to say how things have changed or how I may have been wrong about things that I felt before. I think I have discovered so much about myself, my husband, and the kids over the last few years. Mostly, what I have discovered is that it is all temporary unless you work at it. The bad. The good. The in between. So I have been working on not letting the bad overtake my heart. Allowing the good to flow so fiercely that my fingertips tingle. And finally enjoy the peace of the in between.

It would be nice I guess to catch you all up on the girls playing football. But I am still exhausted from being a football mama. So much time and love went into this past season. I can report...there will be a next season for the beauties. AJ took home a Super Bowl trophy and wants more. Grayce won an academic award and was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Baby Dru was an amazing little cheerleader for her sisters. That Handsome Pilot learned how the game worked. Tim got more of a farmers tan than he ever dreamed he would need. And I...well I just was so proud of the young ladies I am raising. They are forever divas and forever ladies, but no longer carry the fear of the world in front of them. So much was learned about themselves as individuals, about what it means to be on a team, about failure, about success, and most of all about what it means to have 'family' that you weren't born into. Some forever friendships were created for them and for daddy and I too.

School for them has been better than ever this year! But that is a blog of a whole other story. I am just so proud to watch them bloom academically and socially. There have been so many field trips this year, which is a welcomed change. How amazing they are does not surprise me...but it does not stop being a delight.

My job? Well I took some time off last year. Time to focus on the kids and the family...all of the important things. I did a few little things here and there...I just did not actively seek out work. Sometimes when your heart and mind are so intensely rooted with your children...then a pause on everything else is necessary. I allowed myself to not be angry or worried without the constant flow of work. I allowed myself to focus in on the girls individually and as a whole. I allowed myself to evaluate my marriage and work at being a better wife to a man I love deeply. I must say it was good for me, great for the girls and a blessing on my marriage. Now the jobs are slowly coming back and I am once again going to begin to seek them out. I am finding new roads to take and new paths to get lost on in this Hollywood...and the journey is teaching me so much. I may not be perfectly settled into a career, yet I feel that I am in the right place.

I lost my Grandmother last year before the rush of the holidays. I was blessed to have held her fragile little hand before she slipped away into the firm grasp of the God she loved and served all of her life. I am thankful for that time and selfish enough to wish there would be just one more moment to tell her how much she meant to me. I haven't spoken of my grief much since her passing. I don't really want too. I saw her pain and I feel like a tantrumed child for wanting her back anyway. So I whisper a prayer to her from time to time knowing in my heart she is at peace and that she misses me too.

As far as remembering to blog. Well I may never get that right. I may always from here on out be worried about what I share with the world. I will remember that my own words will be changed. They will be twisted. They will be misunderstood. I just hope that everyone remembers that from time to time we all feel things in a simple moment. We don't have to carry them around in anger. I am allowed to feel them, then say them, then let go of them. It is not only a freedom to speak, but a freedom to feel.

I am going to say my prayer,  Lord knows we need too. I am going to post this. Then I am going to sleep. In the morning it will be a fresh day that God granted to me and my family, it will be different from today. Moving forward is the only direction I am headed...the rising of the sun is my reminder. Let it be yours.

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