March 2011 is over and I am left asking myself where it went? I am not really willing to accept how crazy, busy, wonderful and mostly life changing March really was for me and the girls. I worked so much...which is good and bad. This HollyMommy missed the heck outta my babies and vice-versa. It also provided many conversations with friends whom are not too happy with me right now. Many lessons learned about them and myself this month. Overall there are no complaints. Car purchased--check. Bills paid--check. Dream accomplished--nearly checked. Quality time spent with my babies-- check check. Mama tired--HELL DOUBLE YES CHECK.
Let's see to my busy work month we can add 1 web commercial shoot. 1 infomercial shoot. 1 Canadian TV shoot. 1 reality TV pilot shoot. And 1 short film teaser shoot. That made for a busy month. But mostly what I was working through is the ability to manage my time in a way that made me a productive production mother. Trying to balance the two is not without arguments and hurt feelings. Lesson learned...when your friends say "Of course I understand you are busy and don't have time to hang out. Put them kids first it's important." What they really mean is..."Of course I see how you don't have time for anyone else but me...WHAT? Oh you mean not me either? WTF?"
I must say it has been an overall crap experience. For as close as some of these friends are you would think that they would get that I am still trying to figure out where even 'I' fit into my life as a single mom! So no I am not sure where you fit in just yet. Maybe you don't! I am okay with that! Because I if nothing else know where my babies fit in...FIRST! Despite popular believe it's not to do with production work...it has to do with any mothers work! The job that never ends. Never gets vacation. Never gets old. Never predictable. Never NOT worth it! So why is it that I have gotten so much grief for trying to give them all of my spare time and newly free time? I am not so sure. I know that it is hard, BUT come on folks this is the most work I have had in a year. One month of not being able to take your call or hang out should make you proud of me...not deeming me an unworthy friend. Sucks to vent I know...but I needed to just get it out!
Onwards and upwards I guess. This last month I finally shot the teaser for 'Moving On', which is a short film I wrote years ago about 4 to be exact! I never really intended it to see the light of day...yet HERE WE GO! Making this short film has been a challenge. Mostly because I didn't want to produce it myself. I WROTE IT and I am ACTING IN IT...I wanted someone else to just take the reigns and produce the dang thing! Somehow that is similar to having the kids clean and organize their room and expect it to look like the Pottery Barn catalog you designed it after! Not gonna happen unless you DO IT YOURSELF! By myself I totally mean going back to my roots and doing it with the crew and talent I know I can rely on...my KC boys Ralph and Nick...forever known now as 'Team KC'! It took one phone call to Ralph to say 'Dude I wanna make this film...HELP!' With a response that was 'Aright Super Starr...can I bring Nick!?'. DUH of course. 3 weeks, 2 plane tickets and 3 cameras later they arrived to greet 'Team LA'...we had about 46 hours to shoot it the teaser and the interviews. I had some amazingly talented friends and fellow actors/improvisors come on bored. An amazing friend loan us his house as a shooting location and just did it KC style! We went rogue on Hollywood Blvd then to the ever so popular place to steal shots...Runyon Canyon! I spent 46 hours getting in and out of a wedding dress (mom said I'd only wear it once! HA) dragging a radio flyer wagon (that my awesome friend hunted down and rented) filled with wedding cake (that every dog at Runyon took a bite of), beer bottles (that we drank during prep), and champagne! It was a fun time. I totally remembered why the f*ck I go through this crazy time in this crazy town with my crazy life! In the moments making a film it explains it all to my crazy heart all over again! Never will I be able to express how motivating it was for me to do that!!! And we still have the whole film to shoot! Uber-excited for July! Lots and lots of prep to do...let's hope we can raise enough funds via indiegogo.com to make it every bit of film I know it can be!
On a more fun note...we finally joined the YMCA which I may have mentioned before! But now the girls classes have started and I have met with a personal fitness coach to come up with a bit of a work out plan. If you ever are in need of help at the Hollywood Wilshire YMCA I'll refer you to great Fitness Coach! He super adorable and flirts just enough to keep me coming back for more pain! Yes I was in the US Marine Corps and proudly served. But my ass has not seen a gym in 10 years. I just want to be in shape. I want to know that my body is healthy and maybe get back on track to running that marathon that seemed like a good idea about 2 1/2 years ago...but mostly if cutie would ask me to dinner I could stop with the unnecessary torture! Probably not true...but I am enjoying being boy-crazy teenager(ish) single right now...makes life interesting :)or more like keeping me occupied.
Hollybaby and I have attended quite a few of the Mommy & Me Yoga and Mommy & Me Music....which most days is more like Nanny & Me... but consider I have the most bad-ass Manny on the block whom has also attended when I couldn't I won't give them a hard time...but is a silly reminder that we do live in Hollywood! Baby girl has been enjoying her 1 1/2 - 2 hours in the Clubhouse with other kids her age. Most everyone is regulars and starting to get to know the other parents and EVERYONE that works there. The great people at the Y knew every Hollygirls name after day one and know Tim by name too...no one knows me...lol Except Cutie... hehehe.
The big girls are taking a theatre class,cheerleading, ballet and as of tonight karate. So they are kept busy! Finally out of the house and I am not seeking new entertainment each trip. This is all scheduled and regimented out for them and I am enjoying that...but more so they are thriving on the consistency! Their little brains need to be occupied. Daddy has not been for a visit in awhile because he has had work obligations that keep him away. So being occupied is good for their hearts at this point. Explaining to them why and where daddy is and when he is coming again is getting more and more difficult. I know its just the way the universe is right now...I just wish I could change it for them. At least I hope I am making it easier.
I must say overall keeping us busy at the YMCA has been a blessing for us in many ways. It did hit me when Babygirl and I were in Mommy & Me for the first time just how disconnected her and I had become since we stopped breastfeeding. Her and I were connected at the hip...well technically not the hip...but you know what I mean! She was constantly snuggled in tight and I was her only safe spot in the world. Now her little world has gotten so much bigger...and while I am enjoying every inch she wanders to explore...I am missing that connection we once had. So while we still snuggle and connect in different ways on a daily basis, now we have time set aside just for us! At the end of every class we point at ourselves and say "I"...then stretch our arms out wide and say "LOVE"...then hug the babies and say "YOU". Sounds simple enough...but today a tear started to swell when we were at Trader Joe's grabbing groceries she sat in the cart and looked and me pointing to herself and said "I"...then reached to hug me! Tim and I both stood in Trader Joe's frozen section doing it with her over and over again! It was wonderful. What was even more amazing was when she did it to her big Sister after school. I love watching her learn to express what it is she thinks and feels.
Well it is now really really late. I think I am really tired and really sore from the workout! The first official of the week! Oh dear...more pain. But my BUTT will be back where the Marine Corps put it at 19 and my BOOBS back to where I put those before the girls...and my 30's came to TRY to destroy them :) Oh and I may be able to chase down a purse snatcher without getting winded! Work for me was cancelled in April. Which is a downer and lots of added stress that I don't need, but a blessing in learning to relax and enjoy down time. So newly refocused after the last really busy month...a little heartache...some hard work...and hard times...