Thank You 2011

Sometimes one of the most important things we can do is look back on times we have had, not dwell on the past but simply think back. Some of my most favorite things are in my past. Like time spent with my Grandpa Jones. Times in high school when friends were the most important thing we had and parents were the worst. Funny how looking back I am glad that has changed! Memories of laughter and tears. To remind me that things aren't always as bad as they could be and that all of life is not bad. I love looking back and in December just before Christmas I tend to do it the most.

I like how although my past does not define me, it is the greatest part of who I am today. I am proud of my accomplishments. My time in the Marine Corps. My time in college. My time at home getting back up from big falls.

This year has been the most important year of my life. Romantically, I spent it alone. Parenting, I spent it alone. Financially, I spent it alone. I discovered what took 32 years... ME!

 This year I worked more than ever! Did you guys know that in the film industry there can be 38 hours in ONE day!?! I didn't either. It's like a magic black hole. I worked to learn and to gather knowledge that can help me gain more consistent momentum in my career. I was on some pretty serious sets. I worked with some top talent in my line of work.

I lost a few friendships this year. Some of it was due to working so much. I took advice that some of them gave me...take time for myself. I can't be angry about friendships lost. While my heart aches from time to time I feel overall that if I have to choose between my kids, my self or them. Then they weren't my friend in the first place.

I also gained so many important friendships. While none of them will help me move furniture...they will be there for me in times of tears and fear. Most of them are in the form of First World Problems! While the guys and I as a team had some ups and downs...it was all mostly FANTASTIC! We won an award, nominated for others, performed on the main stage, had some amazing coaching by some talented people and more importantly we are still a TEAM! I can't wait to see what 2012 brings me and the boys!

I also shared the year with so many other friends. Mending friendships this year. Watching the rise, the fall, and the rise again of my best friend. We are crazy drama together...but we laugh and love better than anyone I know.
I learned I have amazing friends who are great mothers. They make my struggles feel normal. And remind me I am doing alright in the most important job in this life "MOMMYHOOD"! Thank you ladies.

I completed my time studying at The Second City. Memories made with people that will forever remain in my heart and mind...and in 'Photos From Last Night'! I felt a sense of accomplishment when we closed our show on the 18th of December. I had lived out part of a childhood dream. Reminding me that dreaming is not silly...with enough focus and determination dreams are realized everyday. Thanks Second City. Thanks Sketchy Bastards. The whole experience was an honor. Makes me know that my NPO is attainable and with this knowledge I can move forward, even if slowly.

I learned the art of simply letting go without hatred or anger. I learned we can still love even if we disagree. Kinda hard to believe, but not everyone is out to get you. Some people just loved you enough once to not hurt or harm you when it fades away.  Finding that love does outweigh hate was the single most amazing experience I have ever had in this lifetime.

I learned forgiveness does not fix everything...but it is the first step in a lifetime of happiness.


Even when I worked 18 hour days for weeks on end I always made time for my beauties. I also took a lot of time off this year. We enjoyed every second of our time together! I have also said that my mom worked a 9-5 job. I love my schedule more than hers. The kids like this better too. Work hard and play harder! The beauties and I enjoyed so many good times this year. From beaches. To Hollywood. To rollercoasters. To drives on the coast. Cuddles. Kisses. School days. It was an amazing time with them. In those moments we all forget how hard mommy works to give them what they have.

I had help this year and am lucky to count Tim as my friend. He has been my left hand this year. He says I could have done it without him...maybe I could have! But glad I didn't have too!

This year was spent with a lot of people around me speaking about things they have no knowledge of in regards to my life. Watching people put the ASS in assumptions makes me smile :)

This was the best year of my life if I look at all the learning I did. I am nothing shy of the awesome my mother always saw in me :) and I am nothing close to perfect! I am just fine being me. I am a me that my girls can be proud of. I am a me that I am proud of. That took a lot of work. A lot of honesty.
From time to time I still forget...but that is why I have such amazing people in my life to remind me of how good these times were. My sisters will never think of me less than famous! My mother knows every failure, but still see's the best in me. My Mama Kim will set me right in an instant. My bro will offer to beat you up just to make me think he's tough. And my Daddy...well he's gonna remind me every time without fail of where I come from and what I stand for...he is the only man that gets to call me out on my bullshit. Because well he does it with love and dirt!

A part of me is ready for a new year...but I loved this one so much there will be a tear shed for 2011's passing on to the year gone by category.

Not Quite Finished

So much to blog about. I have been without the internet for 2 weeks now and for the most part I am okay with it. I can surf on my phone and still have facebook access and public televison is actually a nice change of pace for us. The girls have been enjoying old reruns of He-Man, She-Ra and Bravestar! Tim is not complaining about it...he digs those old shoes and enjoys sharing them with the ladies. The girls enjoy asking us questions about our childhood, and I honestly love talking about it...so its a win win! This summer break probably could have been more fun and defiantly much longer. Overall though it was not a total loss, some good times were had and a few more are in store.

OH DEAR--I am the worst blogger EVER. The above was written about a month ago...I have had some issues with Time Warner...then was gonna switch to AT&T...then thought about Clear! Then I got uber frustrated with the whole issue of internet all together. Final decision...back to Time Warner the scamming scammers! LOL Back to where we started!

SOOOO what has been happening in Hollyhome in all this crazy busy time? Well...SUMMER of course. Like I said it wasn't as FULL as I had hoped...BUT it's always summer for the Hollybabies so no time wasted! Things came to a stand still when this mama wrecked her ride in a 5 car accident...I was happy little car number 4. In accidents like that you end up with the insurance deciding that everyone is responsible for their own car...and since I had liability I was screwed. So I sold the car back to they guy I bought it from and called us even stevens. I didn't want to deal with it...couldn't afford to get it fixed...even if I could I didn't want to dump anymore money into it...and here in Hollyhood we pay to park and I wasn't paying $160 a month to park a car I couldn't drive! So that's that and back to the bus and train I happily go :) For now! Thank God for friends with cars and friends willing to go out of their way to help me out when I have work that comes up.

Speaking of friends. I have been a crappy one for sometime. This I am aware of and have been aware of since I decided it was time to be less about everyone else and more about me. Some of my truest friends remained...and stuck by me even if it was just every now and again I made time for them. Some of them may still be there and I wouldn't know it. The rest are just on with live happy and maybe oblivious to what, why and where I ran off too. I guess my response to that would have to be...I went to that place you all always told me to go. The place where I only worried about me and the beauties. A place where I could be happy. YES of course that place includes ALL of my friends and people I have loved for so long...sadly getting to that place was a more lonesome path. Like driving through the desert in the dark...while kids are sleeping...and then hitting city traffic at day break...while kids are screaming! Both of those times are not times where you want to be talking to other people LOL. Doing so left me lonely when I started to come out the other side, yet it left me a clearer picture of true friendship. The kind of friend that I am able to be at this stage and the kind of friend I need as well.
I have started to learn what making new friends entails--apparently you have to court them like dates. That I never knew. Every friend I had was an instant BAM we were glued at the hip...not so much when you are older and have lives, jobs, and kids. Never knew. I also learned that having girlfriends is SO important--missing my girls from my younger years and so jealous they all see each other and have play dates, margaritas (not at the same time...well I don't think :)- All in all I have figured out that I am ready to be a friend to someone again. A true friend with a new meaning. Something where I am not giving so much and never making time for myself. I used to wrap myself up in my friends 'things' with the intention of avoiding dealing with my own. I think I understand the balance now.

On to some great friends...First World Problems. We all have them. BUT I have 9 of them. I improv with them. Drink beers with them. Laugh with them. Banter with them. Rap with them. Complain with them. Sometimes even BBQ with them. Can I get a what what for beer can chicken !?!
I have figured out so much this summer. About myself. About my life. About my kids. About relationships. It feels great to just be more knowledgeable than the year before.

This has taken weeks to write. Its not quite done. But I want you all to know that I am well. The beauties are well. School started today. I am working. I busy. I am loving life :)

...more to come :)