WOWZA! I just read my last blog...so many grammar and punctuation errors! I decided that if it bothers you...ALL WELL! Not that I don't know how to proofread my own work or really should have some one do it for me before I put them up live. I just don't have time. My brain rarely functions with all cylinders firing anyway...then add the stress of working, mothering, and living the punctuation/grammar situation gets worse! So I must immediately be forgiven as soon as you find such a mistake and you will have to trust that a month later when I finally get to read through it and see all the mistakes I will be again too tired and unwilling to fix the errors. Also, don't discount that I could also just not have picked up on said errors at all. High school was a very long time ago and I didn't pay too much attention in college :)-
What a different month for me April has been. SLOW! No work. Not uber-happy about that financially, but I am trying to enjoy the down time with the kiddos. I just deleted a bunch of bitching...YOU'RE WELCOME FRIENDS :)
Shouldn't bitch about much. Life ain't half bad. Well most of it anyway. I live in the stress looking for work as a freelancer and dream of a permanent position at a busy production office, but until then I am gonna hold my head up and save my bitching for God's ears (well most of it anyway)!
I have filled my time wisely though! Lots of time with the Hollybabies. Volunteering at the school and thanks to one principal getting launched into the cat-fight of a PTG (Parent-Teacher Group) meeting. Parents who have been there for a long time doing things one way VS New parents who want things the right way...broadcast in ESPANOL! So basically I drank cold coffee and ate too many donuts! I had no idea this was all going on, I thought all was cool and I could just enjoy coffee while I waited to go to Mass with my special girl whom had her First Reconciliation that morning. These things made extra difficult with wiggly toddler in my arms! Meanwhile, SuperManny got to spend the day with the Pre-K thru 1st Grade on a field trip to the fire station! Trust me he had WAY more fun than I did that day.
Other than that I am planning and working on the agenda for a one week theatre/improv camp at the school that will end with a great performance by the kiddos.
We are all still enjoying our time at the YMCA. The HollyGirls LOVE karate! The excitement for them is almost funny. Now a certain 5 year old is waiting for someone to try to rob her on Hollywood Blvd so she can 'karate' them! LOL I love that they love it so much. I love that they know that all this exercise is keeping them fit and healthy. I despise the fact that all this working out is reminding me of how damn OLD I am these days. I am certain that a certain Marine from long ago would be disappointed in this crickety old woman crying from Mr. Adorable showing her how to USE the machines! Not even from a workout! Speaking of Cutie...he came right up to the stairclimber I was on today daydreaming of dates...what do I do? NOT look him in the eye and increase the rate of my steps to a pace that nearly killed me!!! I was barely holding on with AC/DC pushing me through. Tim had come over to talk to me and watched all of this take place...I love his even tone to just keep a straight face...and a secret! By the time Mr. Adorable said 'Hi. I didn't even notice it was you.' I was out of breath and dizzy...thinking...then WTH did I just do for the last 10 minutes if he didn't notice! I am just thankful I didn't pass out! Tim asked what my obsession is...I said it's just a crush and it's fun! BUT I am thinking this may make me stronger...or KILL ME! Is that not the saying?
Not too much is really going on at this moment. It's Spring Break for the girls! There is a lot I want to do with them during this time...today was LAZY day! Well aside from this evenings work out and classes. I think I am going to take some classes for cardio and to just get my ass off this couch. I have some editing I need to learn how to do...gotta figure out where my sound is for some of these interviews and need to get everything up on indiegogo.com ASAP! July is coming WAY faster than I could imagine! We are still on our winning streak at the student-cage matches...going for Sweet Sixteen this Friday.
I have so much more to write. But this post has been sitting around for days...so UP it goes. I will get better and more consistent at writing these. Miss you all.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Y oh Y
Well---
March 2011 is over and I am left asking myself where it went? I am not really willing to accept how crazy, busy, wonderful and mostly life changing March really was for me and the girls. I worked so much...which is good and bad. This HollyMommy missed the heck outta my babies and vice-versa. It also provided many conversations with friends whom are not too happy with me right now. Many lessons learned about them and myself this month. Overall there are no complaints. Car purchased--check. Bills paid--check. Dream accomplished--nearly checked. Quality time spent with my babies-- check check. Mama tired--HELL DOUBLE YES CHECK.
Let's see to my busy work month we can add 1 web commercial shoot. 1 infomercial shoot. 1 Canadian TV shoot. 1 reality TV pilot shoot. And 1 short film teaser shoot. That made for a busy month. But mostly what I was working through is the ability to manage my time in a way that made me a productive production mother. Trying to balance the two is not without arguments and hurt feelings. Lesson learned...when your friends say "Of course I understand you are busy and don't have time to hang out. Put them kids first it's important." What they really mean is..."Of course I see how you don't have time for anyone else but me...WHAT? Oh you mean not me either? WTF?"
I must say it has been an overall crap experience. For as close as some of these friends are you would think that they would get that I am still trying to figure out where even 'I' fit into my life as a single mom! So no I am not sure where you fit in just yet. Maybe you don't! I am okay with that! Because I if nothing else know where my babies fit in...FIRST! Despite popular believe it's not to do with production work...it has to do with any mothers work! The job that never ends. Never gets vacation. Never gets old. Never predictable. Never NOT worth it! So why is it that I have gotten so much grief for trying to give them all of my spare time and newly free time? I am not so sure. I know that it is hard, BUT come on folks this is the most work I have had in a year. One month of not being able to take your call or hang out should make you proud of me...not deeming me an unworthy friend. Sucks to vent I know...but I needed to just get it out!
Onwards and upwards I guess. This last month I finally shot the teaser for 'Moving On', which is a short film I wrote years ago about 4 to be exact! I never really intended it to see the light of day...yet HERE WE GO! Making this short film has been a challenge. Mostly because I didn't want to produce it myself. I WROTE IT and I am ACTING IN IT...I wanted someone else to just take the reigns and produce the dang thing! Somehow that is similar to having the kids clean and organize their room and expect it to look like the Pottery Barn catalog you designed it after! Not gonna happen unless you DO IT YOURSELF! By myself I totally mean going back to my roots and doing it with the crew and talent I know I can rely on...my KC boys Ralph and Nick...forever known now as 'Team KC'! It took one phone call to Ralph to say 'Dude I wanna make this film...HELP!' With a response that was 'Aright Super Starr...can I bring Nick!?'. DUH of course. 3 weeks, 2 plane tickets and 3 cameras later they arrived to greet 'Team LA'...we had about 46 hours to shoot it the teaser and the interviews. I had some amazingly talented friends and fellow actors/improvisors come on bored. An amazing friend loan us his house as a shooting location and just did it KC style! We went rogue on Hollywood Blvd then to the ever so popular place to steal shots...Runyon Canyon! I spent 46 hours getting in and out of a wedding dress (mom said I'd only wear it once! HA) dragging a radio flyer wagon (that my awesome friend hunted down and rented) filled with wedding cake (that every dog at Runyon took a bite of), beer bottles (that we drank during prep), and champagne! It was a fun time. I totally remembered why the f*ck I go through this crazy time in this crazy town with my crazy life! In the moments making a film it explains it all to my crazy heart all over again! Never will I be able to express how motivating it was for me to do that!!! And we still have the whole film to shoot! Uber-excited for July! Lots and lots of prep to do...let's hope we can raise enough funds via indiegogo.com to make it every bit of film I know it can be!
On a more fun note...we finally joined the YMCA which I may have mentioned before! But now the girls classes have started and I have met with a personal fitness coach to come up with a bit of a work out plan. If you ever are in need of help at the Hollywood Wilshire YMCA I'll refer you to great Fitness Coach! He super adorable and flirts just enough to keep me coming back for more pain! Yes I was in the US Marine Corps and proudly served. But my ass has not seen a gym in 10 years. I just want to be in shape. I want to know that my body is healthy and maybe get back on track to running that marathon that seemed like a good idea about 2 1/2 years ago...but mostly if cutie would ask me to dinner I could stop with the unnecessary torture! Probably not true...but I am enjoying being boy-crazy teenager(ish) single right now...makes life interesting :)or more like keeping me occupied.
Hollybaby and I have attended quite a few of the Mommy & Me Yoga and Mommy & Me Music....which most days is more like Nanny & Me... but consider I have the most bad-ass Manny on the block whom has also attended when I couldn't I won't give them a hard time...but is a silly reminder that we do live in Hollywood! Baby girl has been enjoying her 1 1/2 - 2 hours in the Clubhouse with other kids her age. Most everyone is regulars and starting to get to know the other parents and EVERYONE that works there. The great people at the Y knew every Hollygirls name after day one and know Tim by name too...no one knows me...lol Except Cutie... hehehe.
The big girls are taking a theatre class,cheerleading, ballet and as of tonight karate. So they are kept busy! Finally out of the house and I am not seeking new entertainment each trip. This is all scheduled and regimented out for them and I am enjoying that...but more so they are thriving on the consistency! Their little brains need to be occupied. Daddy has not been for a visit in awhile because he has had work obligations that keep him away. So being occupied is good for their hearts at this point. Explaining to them why and where daddy is and when he is coming again is getting more and more difficult. I know its just the way the universe is right now...I just wish I could change it for them. At least I hope I am making it easier.
I must say overall keeping us busy at the YMCA has been a blessing for us in many ways. It did hit me when Babygirl and I were in Mommy & Me for the first time just how disconnected her and I had become since we stopped breastfeeding. Her and I were connected at the hip...well technically not the hip...but you know what I mean! She was constantly snuggled in tight and I was her only safe spot in the world. Now her little world has gotten so much bigger...and while I am enjoying every inch she wanders to explore...I am missing that connection we once had. So while we still snuggle and connect in different ways on a daily basis, now we have time set aside just for us! At the end of every class we point at ourselves and say "I"...then stretch our arms out wide and say "LOVE"...then hug the babies and say "YOU". Sounds simple enough...but today a tear started to swell when we were at Trader Joe's grabbing groceries she sat in the cart and looked and me pointing to herself and said "I"...then reached to hug me! Tim and I both stood in Trader Joe's frozen section doing it with her over and over again! It was wonderful. What was even more amazing was when she did it to her big Sister after school. I love watching her learn to express what it is she thinks and feels.
Well it is now really really late. I think I am really tired and really sore from the workout! The first official of the week! Oh dear...more pain. But my BUTT will be back where the Marine Corps put it at 19 and my BOOBS back to where I put those before the girls...and my 30's came to TRY to destroy them :) Oh and I may be able to chase down a purse snatcher without getting winded! Work for me was cancelled in April. Which is a downer and lots of added stress that I don't need, but a blessing in learning to relax and enjoy down time. So newly refocused after the last really busy month...a little heartache...some hard work...and hard times...
March 2011 is over and I am left asking myself where it went? I am not really willing to accept how crazy, busy, wonderful and mostly life changing March really was for me and the girls. I worked so much...which is good and bad. This HollyMommy missed the heck outta my babies and vice-versa. It also provided many conversations with friends whom are not too happy with me right now. Many lessons learned about them and myself this month. Overall there are no complaints. Car purchased--check. Bills paid--check. Dream accomplished--nearly checked. Quality time spent with my babies-- check check. Mama tired--HELL DOUBLE YES CHECK.
Let's see to my busy work month we can add 1 web commercial shoot. 1 infomercial shoot. 1 Canadian TV shoot. 1 reality TV pilot shoot. And 1 short film teaser shoot. That made for a busy month. But mostly what I was working through is the ability to manage my time in a way that made me a productive production mother. Trying to balance the two is not without arguments and hurt feelings. Lesson learned...when your friends say "Of course I understand you are busy and don't have time to hang out. Put them kids first it's important." What they really mean is..."Of course I see how you don't have time for anyone else but me...WHAT? Oh you mean not me either? WTF?"
I must say it has been an overall crap experience. For as close as some of these friends are you would think that they would get that I am still trying to figure out where even 'I' fit into my life as a single mom! So no I am not sure where you fit in just yet. Maybe you don't! I am okay with that! Because I if nothing else know where my babies fit in...FIRST! Despite popular believe it's not to do with production work...it has to do with any mothers work! The job that never ends. Never gets vacation. Never gets old. Never predictable. Never NOT worth it! So why is it that I have gotten so much grief for trying to give them all of my spare time and newly free time? I am not so sure. I know that it is hard, BUT come on folks this is the most work I have had in a year. One month of not being able to take your call or hang out should make you proud of me...not deeming me an unworthy friend. Sucks to vent I know...but I needed to just get it out!
Onwards and upwards I guess. This last month I finally shot the teaser for 'Moving On', which is a short film I wrote years ago about 4 to be exact! I never really intended it to see the light of day...yet HERE WE GO! Making this short film has been a challenge. Mostly because I didn't want to produce it myself. I WROTE IT and I am ACTING IN IT...I wanted someone else to just take the reigns and produce the dang thing! Somehow that is similar to having the kids clean and organize their room and expect it to look like the Pottery Barn catalog you designed it after! Not gonna happen unless you DO IT YOURSELF! By myself I totally mean going back to my roots and doing it with the crew and talent I know I can rely on...my KC boys Ralph and Nick...forever known now as 'Team KC'! It took one phone call to Ralph to say 'Dude I wanna make this film...HELP!' With a response that was 'Aright Super Starr...can I bring Nick!?'. DUH of course. 3 weeks, 2 plane tickets and 3 cameras later they arrived to greet 'Team LA'...we had about 46 hours to shoot it the teaser and the interviews. I had some amazingly talented friends and fellow actors/improvisors come on bored. An amazing friend loan us his house as a shooting location and just did it KC style! We went rogue on Hollywood Blvd then to the ever so popular place to steal shots...Runyon Canyon! I spent 46 hours getting in and out of a wedding dress (mom said I'd only wear it once! HA) dragging a radio flyer wagon (that my awesome friend hunted down and rented) filled with wedding cake (that every dog at Runyon took a bite of), beer bottles (that we drank during prep), and champagne! It was a fun time. I totally remembered why the f*ck I go through this crazy time in this crazy town with my crazy life! In the moments making a film it explains it all to my crazy heart all over again! Never will I be able to express how motivating it was for me to do that!!! And we still have the whole film to shoot! Uber-excited for July! Lots and lots of prep to do...let's hope we can raise enough funds via indiegogo.com to make it every bit of film I know it can be!
On a more fun note...we finally joined the YMCA which I may have mentioned before! But now the girls classes have started and I have met with a personal fitness coach to come up with a bit of a work out plan. If you ever are in need of help at the Hollywood Wilshire YMCA I'll refer you to great Fitness Coach! He super adorable and flirts just enough to keep me coming back for more pain! Yes I was in the US Marine Corps and proudly served. But my ass has not seen a gym in 10 years. I just want to be in shape. I want to know that my body is healthy and maybe get back on track to running that marathon that seemed like a good idea about 2 1/2 years ago...but mostly if cutie would ask me to dinner I could stop with the unnecessary torture! Probably not true...but I am enjoying being boy-crazy teenager(ish) single right now...makes life interesting :)or more like keeping me occupied.
Hollybaby and I have attended quite a few of the Mommy & Me Yoga and Mommy & Me Music....which most days is more like Nanny & Me... but consider I have the most bad-ass Manny on the block whom has also attended when I couldn't I won't give them a hard time...but is a silly reminder that we do live in Hollywood! Baby girl has been enjoying her 1 1/2 - 2 hours in the Clubhouse with other kids her age. Most everyone is regulars and starting to get to know the other parents and EVERYONE that works there. The great people at the Y knew every Hollygirls name after day one and know Tim by name too...no one knows me...lol Except Cutie... hehehe.
The big girls are taking a theatre class,cheerleading, ballet and as of tonight karate. So they are kept busy! Finally out of the house and I am not seeking new entertainment each trip. This is all scheduled and regimented out for them and I am enjoying that...but more so they are thriving on the consistency! Their little brains need to be occupied. Daddy has not been for a visit in awhile because he has had work obligations that keep him away. So being occupied is good for their hearts at this point. Explaining to them why and where daddy is and when he is coming again is getting more and more difficult. I know its just the way the universe is right now...I just wish I could change it for them. At least I hope I am making it easier.
I must say overall keeping us busy at the YMCA has been a blessing for us in many ways. It did hit me when Babygirl and I were in Mommy & Me for the first time just how disconnected her and I had become since we stopped breastfeeding. Her and I were connected at the hip...well technically not the hip...but you know what I mean! She was constantly snuggled in tight and I was her only safe spot in the world. Now her little world has gotten so much bigger...and while I am enjoying every inch she wanders to explore...I am missing that connection we once had. So while we still snuggle and connect in different ways on a daily basis, now we have time set aside just for us! At the end of every class we point at ourselves and say "I"...then stretch our arms out wide and say "LOVE"...then hug the babies and say "YOU". Sounds simple enough...but today a tear started to swell when we were at Trader Joe's grabbing groceries she sat in the cart and looked and me pointing to herself and said "I"...then reached to hug me! Tim and I both stood in Trader Joe's frozen section doing it with her over and over again! It was wonderful. What was even more amazing was when she did it to her big Sister after school. I love watching her learn to express what it is she thinks and feels.
Well it is now really really late. I think I am really tired and really sore from the workout! The first official of the week! Oh dear...more pain. But my BUTT will be back where the Marine Corps put it at 19 and my BOOBS back to where I put those before the girls...and my 30's came to TRY to destroy them :) Oh and I may be able to chase down a purse snatcher without getting winded! Work for me was cancelled in April. Which is a downer and lots of added stress that I don't need, but a blessing in learning to relax and enjoy down time. So newly refocused after the last really busy month...a little heartache...some hard work...and hard times...
Monday, March 21, 2011
Time Flies...
So another 2 Hollyweeks have gone by...seems just like yesterday I blogged. I have been working quite a bit...GO ME! Most of the time my job is just a bit nerve wracking and not really hard. It's not like I bust rocks or load trucks. I make calls and do what I am told...sometimes I just do what I want...but it all works out the same. JOB WELL DONE! I have been lucky enough to work with a great friend of mine for the last month. We are a wonder team! I know that we ROCK as individuals....but.....we RULE as a team. I am so thankful for him and for the opportunity to work with him again!!
To add to the stressors of prepping for another show with our GANGSTA team...I am prepping to shoot my teaser/indiegogo video for my own short film titled 'Moving On'! For those of you that don't know I wrote a short screenplay almost 4 years ago. I had never made an attempt to write any of my ideas down before and it was very scary. As time went by and people heard about my endeavor and they wanted to read it! OMG I didn't think about that...if you write it...SOMEONE will WANT to read it! After nervousness of sharing my first attempt at writing I sent it out. Some of the notes back I heard were so very hard to take initially...but all were supportive and loved my ability to write witty dialogue. Probably because there are a thousand characters in my head from over the years! Close to multiple personalities...but my characters all have their own dressing room. There have been many times I have wanted to make this film...but like raising children...you want to do it right because you really only have one shot! Nobody makes a crappy film and then turns around and say "OH SHIT lets do it over!!" Just does not work that way! Once a crap film is crap...well that's just what it is forever! You will make other movies if you are passionate enough and you learned enough...BUT that film will never be done again. So with that said This is my baby and I want to raise it right! Which leads me right into why we are making a teaser and putting it up on Indiegogo.com before we shoot the entire film. Indiegogo.com is a site in which you can post your independent projects and accept donations to fund them. Every film costs money even the ones that 'don't' TOTALLY DO! So we are off and running to raise a little bit of money to help with my cause. The script has gone through some changes, mostly because I have gone through some changes. (Everything happens in its own time!) But that means I have some cleaning up and fixing to do to that awesome dialogue that was mentioned before. So many versions of the script tend to cause that problem! Only a 15 minute film and I can't stop tweeking...I may never write a feature at this rate of progress :)
Mostly I am looking forward to acting in this film and make use of all those college years and my improv classes :) But mostly I want it for me...I want it for these girlies. That ability to not only create something...but the desire and drive to see it through! Certainly it will be submitted to festivals (which cost money) and certainly there will be a screening (which costs money). It will make an awesome calling card for me and the others involved (with money to do it right the first time)! Secretly though...I wouldn't be so sad if it was just complete and on my shelf! Accomplishment. Follow Through. Not Failing. Not Quitting. Commitment to MYSELF (for once)! The girls seem mostly unaware as to how far we have come on the project. But they are feeding off of mommy's get it done attitude and carrying it forward with them (small, but still)!
All the Hollybabies are well. We have joined the YMCA and I am totally excited for Mommy and Me Music tomorrow morning (after a production meeting...a casting meeting BUT before running to the prop house for fake mace that fires)! 1015-1045! Big girls start dance and drama next week. I think I am going to sign them up for a few more classes just to get my money's worth...and to see the cutie personal trainer more often. (WHAT?!?! Might as well enjoy the perks!) Somebody...won't name a name...has a crush on a boy at school who OMG goes to the Y with his mommy! Sunday was an amazing time taking the kiddos for the first time. They were out of their minds excited and I was excited for them! I am told celebrities frequent the Y...UH OH who will the Hollygirls bump into this time and cause a ruckus! Only time will tell...and ya'll be the first to know :)
Mostly that is what is up for now. Probably something I am forgetting...OH YEAH! This Hollymama got us all a car! It's a 1996 Land Rover that some guy bought and started to fix up, but his fiance wanted it gone! So now it's mine :) I really am enjoying driving in ALL this dang rain...but parking was a pain this month. They wanted me to pay the whole months parking...for 1/2 the month! WTF--UH NO! I got it registered and inspected all by myself! Totally proud...but was missing a husband to do it for me on that day...I was over that quickly as it turned out to actually be okay. Guess I was in good company! OH and made like 10 calls home to Daddy! I have talked to my Daddy a lot this week. Even HollyStarr needs Daddy sometimes. He is a calm in my storm from time to time...if I bring myself to call him. He amazes me with his wisdom now. I don't know if it is because I am older OR because he is. Either way I appreciate Daddy's words now more than ever in my lifetime (sentiments over). I also did an 2 improv shows...one at IO West and one with my class at Second City! I was awful crabby for that last performance. Hopefully my class will forgive me and love me again : ! I also did a friends sketch at IO West to help them out! It was superfun and provided a great excuse to wear a slutty outfit for 3 minutes and relive my college years (well the pre-motherhood ones...also 3 minutes)! I even found time to proposition the HOT neighbor again...FAIL! We survived the LA Marathon road closures...we are so far surviving Idol and DWTS shutting us down from time to time...and looking forward to DisneyLand at Spring Break (girls don't know yet...hoping work won't get in the way of that plan)!
Thanks to everyone who has been reading. I hope you are getting a little insight and not falling asleep. Love you all. Miss you home.
MORAL OF THE BLOG-- I will be coming after you ALL for money and/or support very soon...so stay tuned...or stay away!!! BWHAHAHA
Go to Facebook and LIKE Moving On at www.facebook.com/movingonfilm
To add to the stressors of prepping for another show with our GANGSTA team...I am prepping to shoot my teaser/indiegogo video for my own short film titled 'Moving On'! For those of you that don't know I wrote a short screenplay almost 4 years ago. I had never made an attempt to write any of my ideas down before and it was very scary. As time went by and people heard about my endeavor and they wanted to read it! OMG I didn't think about that...if you write it...SOMEONE will WANT to read it! After nervousness of sharing my first attempt at writing I sent it out. Some of the notes back I heard were so very hard to take initially...but all were supportive and loved my ability to write witty dialogue. Probably because there are a thousand characters in my head from over the years! Close to multiple personalities...but my characters all have their own dressing room. There have been many times I have wanted to make this film...but like raising children...you want to do it right because you really only have one shot! Nobody makes a crappy film and then turns around and say "OH SHIT lets do it over!!" Just does not work that way! Once a crap film is crap...well that's just what it is forever! You will make other movies if you are passionate enough and you learned enough...BUT that film will never be done again. So with that said This is my baby and I want to raise it right! Which leads me right into why we are making a teaser and putting it up on Indiegogo.com before we shoot the entire film. Indiegogo.com is a site in which you can post your independent projects and accept donations to fund them. Every film costs money even the ones that 'don't' TOTALLY DO! So we are off and running to raise a little bit of money to help with my cause. The script has gone through some changes, mostly because I have gone through some changes. (Everything happens in its own time!) But that means I have some cleaning up and fixing to do to that awesome dialogue that was mentioned before. So many versions of the script tend to cause that problem! Only a 15 minute film and I can't stop tweeking...I may never write a feature at this rate of progress :)
Mostly I am looking forward to acting in this film and make use of all those college years and my improv classes :) But mostly I want it for me...I want it for these girlies. That ability to not only create something...but the desire and drive to see it through! Certainly it will be submitted to festivals (which cost money) and certainly there will be a screening (which costs money). It will make an awesome calling card for me and the others involved (with money to do it right the first time)! Secretly though...I wouldn't be so sad if it was just complete and on my shelf! Accomplishment. Follow Through. Not Failing. Not Quitting. Commitment to MYSELF (for once)! The girls seem mostly unaware as to how far we have come on the project. But they are feeding off of mommy's get it done attitude and carrying it forward with them (small, but still)!
All the Hollybabies are well. We have joined the YMCA and I am totally excited for Mommy and Me Music tomorrow morning (after a production meeting...a casting meeting BUT before running to the prop house for fake mace that fires)! 1015-1045! Big girls start dance and drama next week. I think I am going to sign them up for a few more classes just to get my money's worth...and to see the cutie personal trainer more often. (WHAT?!?! Might as well enjoy the perks!) Somebody...won't name a name...has a crush on a boy at school who OMG goes to the Y with his mommy! Sunday was an amazing time taking the kiddos for the first time. They were out of their minds excited and I was excited for them! I am told celebrities frequent the Y...UH OH who will the Hollygirls bump into this time and cause a ruckus! Only time will tell...and ya'll be the first to know :)
Mostly that is what is up for now. Probably something I am forgetting...OH YEAH! This Hollymama got us all a car! It's a 1996 Land Rover that some guy bought and started to fix up, but his fiance wanted it gone! So now it's mine :) I really am enjoying driving in ALL this dang rain...but parking was a pain this month. They wanted me to pay the whole months parking...for 1/2 the month! WTF--UH NO! I got it registered and inspected all by myself! Totally proud...but was missing a husband to do it for me on that day...I was over that quickly as it turned out to actually be okay. Guess I was in good company! OH and made like 10 calls home to Daddy! I have talked to my Daddy a lot this week. Even HollyStarr needs Daddy sometimes. He is a calm in my storm from time to time...if I bring myself to call him. He amazes me with his wisdom now. I don't know if it is because I am older OR because he is. Either way I appreciate Daddy's words now more than ever in my lifetime (sentiments over). I also did an 2 improv shows...one at IO West and one with my class at Second City! I was awful crabby for that last performance. Hopefully my class will forgive me and love me again : ! I also did a friends sketch at IO West to help them out! It was superfun and provided a great excuse to wear a slutty outfit for 3 minutes and relive my college years (well the pre-motherhood ones...also 3 minutes)! I even found time to proposition the HOT neighbor again...FAIL! We survived the LA Marathon road closures...we are so far surviving Idol and DWTS shutting us down from time to time...and looking forward to DisneyLand at Spring Break (girls don't know yet...hoping work won't get in the way of that plan)!
Thanks to everyone who has been reading. I hope you are getting a little insight and not falling asleep. Love you all. Miss you home.
MORAL OF THE BLOG-- I will be coming after you ALL for money and/or support very soon...so stay tuned...or stay away!!! BWHAHAHA
Go to Facebook and LIKE Moving On at www.facebook.com/movingonfilm
Monday, March 7, 2011
Won't You Be My Neighbor....
BOY OH BOY. This last few days have been fun filled and interesting! The girls have been fully entertaining and quite little comedians. Work for me has picked up and slowed down to even out at a pretty sweet pace...one that I can manage right now. I have been car hunting/begging. Why I have to beg people to NOT sell at DOUBLE Kelly Blue Book is totally beyond me. More later on the car. I learned that I am immune to most of the Hollywood that surrounds me...more immune than I even thought! Kinda missing 'movie magic'. Probably because in a lot of ways Hollywood is not that much different than small town America.
I know you guys aren't buying Hollyhood as small town, but really it's all very similar. Everybody knows everybody in this town. Even if you don't there are enough posers here saying they do that it still counts. There are few times I walk into my local Trader Joe's and don't see someone I know...same thing at Pla-Boy Liqour next door. The economy took a big bite out of this town too! Putting quite a few of mom and pop film industry places out of business! Trust me if you do something dumb or illegal in this town....EVERYBODY is gonna know (big thanks to the paparazzi for that one)! Hollywood is not glamorous AT ALL! It is run down and slightly ghetto. Even 5 years ago pictures from my block looked like Bosnia! Big ups to neighborhood rehabilitation :) It's just an over-priced...over-exposed version of any other small town. Trust me major stars would never live here! It smells like pee! BUT it's HOME. For us. For now. It's what we know. We know the neighborhood. We know our neighbors. We like them. We have BBQ's (ok ok so here we have COFFEE), it's all the same concept.
My immunity to it all is no fun. I was talking with my neighbor who has an unmentioned young hollywood celebrity friend. In this discussion we talked about the pitfalls of having a friend that becomes famous rather quickly. Myself. Well most of my celeb friends are not new to Hollywood and are not young and hot right now, so it is different from my experience. Anyhow. We decided it is way easier to get laid with this type of friend...BUT the amount of girls at throw themselves at the friend and then settle for you kinda sucks. Also decided that f*ing with the paparazzi may be totally fun when you are drunk...but totally annoying when you are not! Making me also decide that I am good not being famous to that extent...and making me feel better that none of my friends hit it big...kinda hoping you guys don't...lol! In that conversation of trying to wonder what the obsession is with people on TV I learned that NOT being excited...as I am not...is actually not fun! Maybe I should get excited to meet someone whom has been successful and is living the dream of doing what you always imagined. I probably never will at this point...met too many that I adore and love...only to learn...EH not so hot once they speak lines not written for them. I would love to meet my neighbors friend. Not so much for the fame aspect...but cuz they are friends and I hear funny stories about them and it would be good to 'put a face' to the person. Even though my DVR fully allows that...and yours probably does too! Not only that my neighbor is totally HOT in his own right ... so I am good. PS I hope he doesn't read my blog...cuz that would totally embarrass the hell out of me. Although I think there may have one drunken proposition that ended with..."Goodnight. Um. Yeah. See you in the morning. Sorry to hear your single." So thank you friendly neighbor for not taking advantage of the MILF next door! (if your reading)
So on to actual excerpts from actual boring conversations and work emails this week....
Me--"I am 5'7"
Some Other Person--"We need to find a throne for Tracey Ullman. She's 5'5""
"Tracey Ullman is 5'5" she appeared so much taller in 'Robin Hood-Men In Tights'...hmmm. Okay. I can slouch."
"Just standing on a ladder waiting for Matt Damon to hurry up so I can do my job. Thought I would call and say hi while I waited."
"Oh. Hi! That's fun. I am looking through pages of really HOT male models to pay $300 a day for their services."
"I bet Santa watched the Oscars when it was on...and I bet he knew who would win cuz he's MAGIC."
"Sorry but court is running behind because Charlie Sheen is here in Family Court trying to get custody of his kids back...and he has the same judge as you we think."
"That William and Kate lifetime movie is making my job way harder than it has to be right now."
**please note I para-phrased as to not recount ENTIRE conversations, because they were your boring same ole' same ole' everyday no excitement here kinda stuff!
It really hit me last Friday how normal it all is to me and how not normal it is to other people. Guess I am in the right business then.
I have been hunting for a car on CL. Actors even sell their cars on CL and they don't budge on prices even with all their money. DANG IT! lol What a nerve wracking experience! Suddenly this town does not seem so small...there are a million cars and thousands of scams. I have been looking at SUV's because often times as part of my job I need one ... where else would I fit camera equipment so that you can have TV commercials and the late night bad indie flick :) Plus, Hollyhome has three darling Hollybabies and two car seats...Honda Civic...YUP won't work for us! Although with rising gas prices I certainly wish I could talk myself into one! Although if someone handed me a Kia Rio right now I would make it work! BUT in the mean time I am trying to talk a guy down on the price of a Range Rover...mostly because he put a ton of work into it and now doesn't need it...and he likes me I hope. Not in a met me and I am cool way. But in a Single Mom with three kids and needs a good car at a great price kinda way! I just hope that what I offered he is able to do. Won't be the first time in the last few weeks that CL car shopping didn't work out for me. I am like the only person that NEVER wins the CL lotto with a good deal. My email or call always starts with "just sold it 10 mins ago...so sorry!" Yeah yeah you are not sorry...
So far the Land Rovers are in plenty out here and seem to last long and hold their value. My difference between that and a Civic in car insurance is only $5...and even though a gas guzzler I am lucky that some jobs pay me to drive to them...I am now a semi-pro at public transpo so I know now I don't have to RELY on a car to get where I am going...GO ME! So this could work...if I can find one. If not I have looked at other types. It is so hard to find a working SUV or Mini Van in LA for $3000 or less...that can pass smog...or is not WAY outta date on registration (leaving new owner to pay old registration fines)! I was telling my dad tonight that some ads I saw are people that would RATHER sell their perfectly working cars than stand in line at the DMV to register it...WTF! Okay...well if I get your cheap car and a day of nothing but Angry Birds and crabby state workers...GO ME again!
All in all this Hollyweek is going good, but it's only Monday! I wanted to make sure I blogged tonight because I will be on set Wednesday and Friday. Not as exciting as it sounds...cuz to me it sounds tiring! I will love it once I am there by 0630 with a cup of fresh brewed craft service coffee in my sleepy hands...having already been awake for 2 hours and another 13 hours to go! Whoo-hoo! I <3 my job!
Wouldn't trade Hollyhome for the world right now :)
ps...please bear with me until i find the right color for this darn layout! lol
I know you guys aren't buying Hollyhood as small town, but really it's all very similar. Everybody knows everybody in this town. Even if you don't there are enough posers here saying they do that it still counts. There are few times I walk into my local Trader Joe's and don't see someone I know...same thing at Pla-Boy Liqour next door. The economy took a big bite out of this town too! Putting quite a few of mom and pop film industry places out of business! Trust me if you do something dumb or illegal in this town....EVERYBODY is gonna know (big thanks to the paparazzi for that one)! Hollywood is not glamorous AT ALL! It is run down and slightly ghetto. Even 5 years ago pictures from my block looked like Bosnia! Big ups to neighborhood rehabilitation :) It's just an over-priced...over-exposed version of any other small town. Trust me major stars would never live here! It smells like pee! BUT it's HOME. For us. For now. It's what we know. We know the neighborhood. We know our neighbors. We like them. We have BBQ's (ok ok so here we have COFFEE), it's all the same concept.
My immunity to it all is no fun. I was talking with my neighbor who has an unmentioned young hollywood celebrity friend. In this discussion we talked about the pitfalls of having a friend that becomes famous rather quickly. Myself. Well most of my celeb friends are not new to Hollywood and are not young and hot right now, so it is different from my experience. Anyhow. We decided it is way easier to get laid with this type of friend...BUT the amount of girls at throw themselves at the friend and then settle for you kinda sucks. Also decided that f*ing with the paparazzi may be totally fun when you are drunk...but totally annoying when you are not! Making me also decide that I am good not being famous to that extent...and making me feel better that none of my friends hit it big...kinda hoping you guys don't...lol! In that conversation of trying to wonder what the obsession is with people on TV I learned that NOT being excited...as I am not...is actually not fun! Maybe I should get excited to meet someone whom has been successful and is living the dream of doing what you always imagined. I probably never will at this point...met too many that I adore and love...only to learn...EH not so hot once they speak lines not written for them. I would love to meet my neighbors friend. Not so much for the fame aspect...but cuz they are friends and I hear funny stories about them and it would be good to 'put a face' to the person. Even though my DVR fully allows that...and yours probably does too! Not only that my neighbor is totally HOT in his own right ... so I am good. PS I hope he doesn't read my blog...cuz that would totally embarrass the hell out of me. Although I think there may have one drunken proposition that ended with..."Goodnight. Um. Yeah. See you in the morning. Sorry to hear your single." So thank you friendly neighbor for not taking advantage of the MILF next door! (if your reading)
So on to actual excerpts from actual boring conversations and work emails this week....
Me--"I am 5'7"
Some Other Person--"We need to find a throne for Tracey Ullman. She's 5'5""
"Tracey Ullman is 5'5" she appeared so much taller in 'Robin Hood-Men In Tights'...hmmm. Okay. I can slouch."
"Just standing on a ladder waiting for Matt Damon to hurry up so I can do my job. Thought I would call and say hi while I waited."
"Oh. Hi! That's fun. I am looking through pages of really HOT male models to pay $300 a day for their services."
"I bet Santa watched the Oscars when it was on...and I bet he knew who would win cuz he's MAGIC."
"Sorry but court is running behind because Charlie Sheen is here in Family Court trying to get custody of his kids back...and he has the same judge as you we think."
"That William and Kate lifetime movie is making my job way harder than it has to be right now."
**please note I para-phrased as to not recount ENTIRE conversations, because they were your boring same ole' same ole' everyday no excitement here kinda stuff!
It really hit me last Friday how normal it all is to me and how not normal it is to other people. Guess I am in the right business then.
I have been hunting for a car on CL. Actors even sell their cars on CL and they don't budge on prices even with all their money. DANG IT! lol What a nerve wracking experience! Suddenly this town does not seem so small...there are a million cars and thousands of scams. I have been looking at SUV's because often times as part of my job I need one ... where else would I fit camera equipment so that you can have TV commercials and the late night bad indie flick :) Plus, Hollyhome has three darling Hollybabies and two car seats...Honda Civic...YUP won't work for us! Although with rising gas prices I certainly wish I could talk myself into one! Although if someone handed me a Kia Rio right now I would make it work! BUT in the mean time I am trying to talk a guy down on the price of a Range Rover...mostly because he put a ton of work into it and now doesn't need it...and he likes me I hope. Not in a met me and I am cool way. But in a Single Mom with three kids and needs a good car at a great price kinda way! I just hope that what I offered he is able to do. Won't be the first time in the last few weeks that CL car shopping didn't work out for me. I am like the only person that NEVER wins the CL lotto with a good deal. My email or call always starts with "just sold it 10 mins ago...so sorry!" Yeah yeah you are not sorry...
So far the Land Rovers are in plenty out here and seem to last long and hold their value. My difference between that and a Civic in car insurance is only $5...and even though a gas guzzler I am lucky that some jobs pay me to drive to them...I am now a semi-pro at public transpo so I know now I don't have to RELY on a car to get where I am going...GO ME! So this could work...if I can find one. If not I have looked at other types. It is so hard to find a working SUV or Mini Van in LA for $3000 or less...that can pass smog...or is not WAY outta date on registration (leaving new owner to pay old registration fines)! I was telling my dad tonight that some ads I saw are people that would RATHER sell their perfectly working cars than stand in line at the DMV to register it...WTF! Okay...well if I get your cheap car and a day of nothing but Angry Birds and crabby state workers...GO ME again!
All in all this Hollyweek is going good, but it's only Monday! I wanted to make sure I blogged tonight because I will be on set Wednesday and Friday. Not as exciting as it sounds...cuz to me it sounds tiring! I will love it once I am there by 0630 with a cup of fresh brewed craft service coffee in my sleepy hands...having already been awake for 2 hours and another 13 hours to go! Whoo-hoo! I <3 my job!
Wouldn't trade Hollyhome for the world right now :)
ps...please bear with me until i find the right color for this darn layout! lol
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Honey I Lost The Kids!
Well things change in an instant in this town. I must say the last week has been a whirlwind of an adventure. For those of you that don't know or understand what it is I do for work I will try my best to help you understand. I work in production, which means a lot of things and is a broad explanation of what my job entails. Mostly because it changes hour to hour, day to day, and job to job. I have produced some projects which meant I was overseeing the entire project and ensuring that it if nothing else got through filming. I have been a Line Producer, which basically means I am doing the budget and telling people NO on spending money for more paperclips. I have been an Unit Production Manager, which is keeping an actual budget as we shoot and managing the crew and production. A Production Coordinator, well that is just doing what the UPM tells you to do. I have been a Production Accountant and a Production Assistant (PA) and that means carrying shit and getting coffee!!! Trust me I have had MOST other roles there are too. But those are the main ones I do that pay me!
When I first came to LA in December of 2007 I had a job already. NO ONE moves to this town with a job. It is near impossible. I had done such a good job on my first film I got paid to do, that was an ultra low budget indie horror flick shot in Warrensburg,MO and in Springfield,MO area. One of the Co-Producers on that said that if I moved to LA he would give me a job. So I moved and in my first 12 hours 'off the boat' I was on the Paramount lot getting my ID and signing my confidentiality agreement to work on JJ Abraham's new Star Trek...right at the beginning of the writers strike and in the midst of a downward economy. I was so excited that I wanted to pee my pants. I was floored when I met and had a 20 minute conversation with Tom Cruise and baby Suri just a few weeks later! My in-laws were very skeptical of my new job and even asked if I had moved here to be a porno star. I laugh now at the thought, but it totally crushed me knowing that was a possibility to them. Whatever! I was better than that and smarter than they will EVER give me credit for. Sometimes I wonder who it is they 'know' because the way they believe me to be is NOT even a close reflection of who I really am...as a person...a mother...a wife...or a Christian. Anyhow that's off topic....
Point is when I got here work came easy. I worked a lot. I learned a lot. I couldn't get enough of productions. BUT when my personal life fell apart so did work and we eventually went back home to Missouri for the summer of 2009. Then up north to Portland,OR for my (almost) ex- husbands new job, by September of the same year. When I finally got back here...work was NOT coming so easily. I felt for sometime that I made the wrong choice in coming here to live the dream. Then it hit me...HOLY CRAP...it's not just a 'dream'....this is my life. Production and filmmaking is my career! OH SHIT...all I have on my resume is production (insert title here) and more production there. AW GEEZ I can't do anything else! (Trust me I tried! I totally could!) But no one saw the value of my qualifications and job experience except film productions. I tried and am still desperately wanting to work for a production company full time. Sadly, those are jobs that are few and far between. Hopefully someday....hopefully soon!
As of now I work freelance. Job to job. Relying on friends to hire me and people I worked with long ago (in Hollywood time) to remember to hire me. When you are working out here it is easy to find work, but lag for even a moment and it's start from scratch! Trust me it is a hard road when babies need you to feed them and put a roof over their tiny heads. Resumes go out everyday for all kinds of work....production and non-production. I am hoping something sticks. Lucky for me my close friend and one of my fave producers to work for is keeping me in a little bit of work now. I intern at The Second City in order to pay for my Improv classes (which keep me sane and are like my family here). I volunteer at the girls school when I can and when they need me. I did the drama club last semester...it was a blast!
This month I have been lucky. The first month of REAL work coming through. I am praying and hope you pray too for more work to come my way and this to keep up at a good pace. I will have had four jobs within the first half of this month. That is great for me. Esp with the 'work breeds more work' theory.
Working this much has people floored on jobs. Just last Saturday I was sitting at lunch freezing my ass off in an old warehouse with some grip and electric boys that asked "Where are your kids?" "Do they live with you? I mean you work in production"! I would get offended or laugh, but they have honest concerns and I get asked this ALL the time. Sometimes I tell them that I have them waiting out in the car for me. Once I told an actress that I dropped them off at the fire station...I think she believed me and I never set her straight! Yes, the question gets old. Do you ask your bank teller where her kids are when you see the pictures hanging up in her teller station? NOPE. I mean you don't ask people that. Production days are long when you are on set especially. I am not on set EVERYDAY for my part of the job. I don't work 5 days a week. I can work for a month then take a month off. I can work from home. In the last two weeks I went on a field trip with both the girls, I spent Dr. Suess's Birthday at the school, I read in the classroom for no reason other than just to read, I went shopping with the baby and hung out with my friend in the middle of the day. OH and I may be going on another field trip tomorrow... bet they didn't see their kids as much as I saw mine. OH yes, some days are hard because I get only an hour or two before bed, but those days are so rarely weeks and just rare all together!
ALL RIGHT...ALL RIGHT...where are the kids? Well, from October to January it was just me and the three girls. We didn't have anyone. I was getting by on the FEW people I had trusted and my sister helped me get the baby home to my mom for two weeks so I could work! That was the hardest thing I had ever done. I missed her SO much! The big girls went with a mom from the school whom I have known for a year now. That time was hectic and nerve wracking. I didn't get many breaks because all my babysitters were used up for necessary help. They were all happy to chip in when they could. I know that everyone tried. But they couldn't always be there when I needed them. One trusted friend stole food from me every time she was over and would take bottles of cooking sake and wine home with her and never asked. GONE. Another friend of mine was just so random and eventually decided that drugs and sex was more important than friendship and the privilege of being a part of this family. GONE. Help from my ex-boyfriends family. GONE. That was difficult for me. My own strength and character amazes me only now after the fact. OH my car. GONE. TOTALED right before Thanksgiving.
My only option was to call in reinforcements. Call the one person that the girls knew. The one person whom I could trust to be here when I am not, knowing that things are done (mostly) as I would do them. One person that could cramp in this tiny ass apartment with us and not kill each other before finding a new place! Someone who started out as a classmate in college, turned into an acquaintance, turned into a live-in Nanny when my 5 year old was 9 months, turned into a friend, and now my VERY BEST FRIEND. He! YUP totally Hollywood...we have a Manny! He has been a part of their lives and lived with us for a long time. Up until we left LA and even for a bit when I came back. He is the person we can not talk to for some time...but pick up where we left off. He has been around the baby since she was about 6 months old. He is great with them. A part of the family. A very very LOW paid part of the family. He quit his job and moved back to Hollywood to help me out. I have loved all the help! More importantly I love all the work it has allowed me to accept. There are benefits for him as well. He likes LA and wants to be here. He loves the girls and being a part of this family. Right now he has the time to do some writing and do some creative things for himself. So its not all crazy to have him here. We never said how long he would stay. Just that he would be here until we didn't need him anymore. I owe him so much. Without him here I don't know that I could do this. It's been exactly 8 weeks and 1 day since he arrived...and so much has happened for the better!
How do I do it? I have the World's Best Manny! I have the support of my family at home! I have beautiful faces that smile and need mommy to make a career out of the only qualifications she has on her resume! I have God in my corner again (thanks to our field trip to San Juan Mission)! I love my job. I love being in production. I have luxuries that mothers would kill for...I am living my dream--Mother and I am making a career--Production. Love and support all around are making that possible.
I feel like I have to catch some of you up on what it is that goes on here in general. Soon this blog will only be stories about the woman who pee'd in the street right outside my window...and stories of how people stop and run after us just to say 'you have the most beautiful children I have ever seen'. And how I learned today that I am 2 inches shorter than Tracy Ullman. Oh and how commercials pay sooo much better than films...but films are better because they last longer and are more steady income! Oh and I have an Improv Show this Friday at Improv Olympics with a team I have never played with before and I am so totally excited for the experience. Also, Happy Birthday to my Mom Kim!
Well I am off to work on something. Oh like my short film that I wrote and am FINALLY producing...Lots going on in Hollyhome! We are all doing it together...except for cleaning...the Hollybabies want nothing to do with that!
Monday, February 28, 2011
For Your Consideration...
It's Oscar night here in Hollywood and what kind of Hollymommy would not blog about it!?! I have to be honest this mommy was not feeling so hot today, could have been a long cold day on set yesterday or just the fact my health seems on a down slope these days. But I woke up on time to watch most of the show and enjoy some of the fun.
Our Hollyhome is about 4 blocks from the Kodak theatre and the Academy Awards have been affecting our lives all week! The metro station at Hollywood/Highland has been shut down since Thursday which is not so bothersome for me, but it also means that everyone is exiting at MY stop (the one before) at Hollywood/Vine. Now Hollywood Blvd at Hollywood/Highland has been shut down for more than a week in prep for the big show. All those red carpets and tents and interview stations are all in the middle of the street and won't be cleared out fully until late this week. So that in turn pushes traffic our direction! Okay that is all under control...BUT they go nuts shutting down streets and taking our already VERY limited parking in Hollywood. That is probably the single most annoying thing about living here...it tops price, dirt, crime, and smell! PARKING is awful! Well they decide to shut down about 10 surrounding blocks to the Kodak and not allow parking on the streets from 6am-10pm...lesson learned as the girls dad had his rental car towed first thing this morning. The upstairs neighbor said the tow trucks were lined up ready to go at 5am waiting for the clock to turn and tow all of those cars! $340 later the rental car is back and safely in an overnight overpriced parking lot and Daddy got to stay for an extra day due to missing his flight back home. Kids stoked...Daddy not so much!
I always enjoy watching the Academy Awards. It is such a magical night of gowns and tuxes and beauty. Such an overdone affair...but highly glamourous and about the only glamour left in this town. Despite the misgivings of living so close I must say it truly is a reminder of how dreamy and shiny this place can be. Dreams are shattered here everyday! Confidence is beaten out of you! Never good enough is an easy feeling to find. BUT a few times a year...like tonight you are reminded that those dreaming hard enough are rewarded and validated by acceptance and votes from peers, colleagues and fellow dreamers. An honor that I would say I would love to be given one day, but not on my daily list of things I strive for in life. It seems like it would be amazing just to be noticed for hard work and love of a craft that drives everything you do in life. I could do without one, but I would do so much with one...like design a baby nursery around the little bald man!
The girls were informed that right after Best Motion Picture it was straight to bed (only in Hollyhome)! They were happy to stay away, but they were not paying attention to what was happening on the show. Except AJ whom has decided at 17 she wants to borrow my clothes. My Diva was fascinated with the gowns and beauty. I told her that I have no doubts that if she wanted to go one day that she would be invited. She blushed and batted her eyes stating "yeah I know." Well AJ I am excited for you...don't forget to thank your mother!
Best part of the night by the way was the young filmmaker, Luke Matheny, who just won an Academy Award with his college final. A film entitled "God Of Love", which I am going to watch asap. I am so excited for him. What an amazing way to start a path to a film career. His thank you speech was great and I am so happy the Producers didn't start to play him off. I personally would just f*ing panic (in the words of Michelle Leo) if they started playing music over my speech. He didn't have to deal with that. Luke did express regret about not getting a hair cut, thanked his crew, his school, and his mother for doing craft services. The young filmmaker also had time to include a big thanks to his girlfriend and love of his life. It was just a nice moment to watch! But made me think about who on earth would I thank if that were me. I mean I talk A LOT...I talk way to much for only 15 seconds of fame!
My crew and fellow filmmakers are the obvious. The producers and directors and lighting guys for making me look good....blah blah blah! Everyone knows those people are amazing and get a big props...but I know whom I would totally thank. My parents of course! All of them...they are amazing! Believing in me was not an easy task...but they have not failed me yet. I have said before I know what my parents would say if I said "Hey guys I am moving to the moon!". My mother would say "How are you getting there?" My father would say "Oh I found her a ride" followed up with a joint answer of "Let's get you packed and out the door. Please don't talk to strangers. Take pictures. Call when you get there and HAVE FUN!". That would be my parents...never worried about me and never telling me that I couldn't do something. Neither one of them flinched as they signed papers for their first born child and daughter to join the US Marine Corps at the age of 17. I couldn't stir trouble after any tattoo. No one screamed at me for piercing my tongue or face. Not one lecture about having babies before marriage or college degree. YUP there have been a few offers for them to pay for the gas for me to come home and cash in the chips here! I know that both my mothers and my father have had sleepless nights worrying about how this was all gonna pan out! But their faith in me and the strength they gifted me has been my driving force to not give up. My entire family is proud of me. My sisters brag about me. My brother looks up to me. In all honesty though it is them that I look to as great great people. Everyone of us is strong when the other is not. My sister has loved me and supported me and lifted me up in my weakest moments. My brother has reminded me that everybody can go f*ck themselves...they can't control me anymore than I allow. These are all things that I couldn't be without in my Hollyhome. My family ALL of them! Every single cousin, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, daughter, parent, in-law, ex-husbands and friend adopted along the way...everyone of them is a comforting face and familiar voice of love....FAMILY! Without my them and my children and friends who love me I would be such a different woman. Thanks for who I am today. I love you all.
To the real though. I would HAVE to thank only two people.
Those who ALWAYS believed in me and those who NEVER did!
Both gave me fuel to my passion and are pushing me towards who I will become. And without both we all would have little to work for. Proving people wrong is fuel for so many people...the many people that become great! Let's see how right I am gonna be :)
So now I never need to win an Oscar...you all know who I would thank. Guess I better spend my time helping AJ pick out a gown, a date, and a winning role!
All in all it was a great night here in Hollywood and just down the road the party has just started for some. I think I am going to be happy to crawl into bed. The Hollybabies are asleep. The bathroom is clean. Uniforms are ready for morning. Now if I can just find a time to watch all of the films that took home an award. I will only have time to watch the shorts I am afraid. This Hollymommy has work next week :) So excited for that! Now I must sleep. I really am nervous blogging...I am usually running low on sleep, patience, and punctuation skills.
Our Hollyhome is about 4 blocks from the Kodak theatre and the Academy Awards have been affecting our lives all week! The metro station at Hollywood/Highland has been shut down since Thursday which is not so bothersome for me, but it also means that everyone is exiting at MY stop (the one before) at Hollywood/Vine. Now Hollywood Blvd at Hollywood/Highland has been shut down for more than a week in prep for the big show. All those red carpets and tents and interview stations are all in the middle of the street and won't be cleared out fully until late this week. So that in turn pushes traffic our direction! Okay that is all under control...BUT they go nuts shutting down streets and taking our already VERY limited parking in Hollywood. That is probably the single most annoying thing about living here...it tops price, dirt, crime, and smell! PARKING is awful! Well they decide to shut down about 10 surrounding blocks to the Kodak and not allow parking on the streets from 6am-10pm...lesson learned as the girls dad had his rental car towed first thing this morning. The upstairs neighbor said the tow trucks were lined up ready to go at 5am waiting for the clock to turn and tow all of those cars! $340 later the rental car is back and safely in an overnight overpriced parking lot and Daddy got to stay for an extra day due to missing his flight back home. Kids stoked...Daddy not so much!
I always enjoy watching the Academy Awards. It is such a magical night of gowns and tuxes and beauty. Such an overdone affair...but highly glamourous and about the only glamour left in this town. Despite the misgivings of living so close I must say it truly is a reminder of how dreamy and shiny this place can be. Dreams are shattered here everyday! Confidence is beaten out of you! Never good enough is an easy feeling to find. BUT a few times a year...like tonight you are reminded that those dreaming hard enough are rewarded and validated by acceptance and votes from peers, colleagues and fellow dreamers. An honor that I would say I would love to be given one day, but not on my daily list of things I strive for in life. It seems like it would be amazing just to be noticed for hard work and love of a craft that drives everything you do in life. I could do without one, but I would do so much with one...like design a baby nursery around the little bald man!
The girls were informed that right after Best Motion Picture it was straight to bed (only in Hollyhome)! They were happy to stay away, but they were not paying attention to what was happening on the show. Except AJ whom has decided at 17 she wants to borrow my clothes. My Diva was fascinated with the gowns and beauty. I told her that I have no doubts that if she wanted to go one day that she would be invited. She blushed and batted her eyes stating "yeah I know." Well AJ I am excited for you...don't forget to thank your mother!
Best part of the night by the way was the young filmmaker, Luke Matheny, who just won an Academy Award with his college final. A film entitled "God Of Love", which I am going to watch asap. I am so excited for him. What an amazing way to start a path to a film career. His thank you speech was great and I am so happy the Producers didn't start to play him off. I personally would just f*ing panic (in the words of Michelle Leo) if they started playing music over my speech. He didn't have to deal with that. Luke did express regret about not getting a hair cut, thanked his crew, his school, and his mother for doing craft services. The young filmmaker also had time to include a big thanks to his girlfriend and love of his life. It was just a nice moment to watch! But made me think about who on earth would I thank if that were me. I mean I talk A LOT...I talk way to much for only 15 seconds of fame!
My crew and fellow filmmakers are the obvious. The producers and directors and lighting guys for making me look good....blah blah blah! Everyone knows those people are amazing and get a big props...but I know whom I would totally thank. My parents of course! All of them...they are amazing! Believing in me was not an easy task...but they have not failed me yet. I have said before I know what my parents would say if I said "Hey guys I am moving to the moon!". My mother would say "How are you getting there?" My father would say "Oh I found her a ride" followed up with a joint answer of "Let's get you packed and out the door. Please don't talk to strangers. Take pictures. Call when you get there and HAVE FUN!". That would be my parents...never worried about me and never telling me that I couldn't do something. Neither one of them flinched as they signed papers for their first born child and daughter to join the US Marine Corps at the age of 17. I couldn't stir trouble after any tattoo. No one screamed at me for piercing my tongue or face. Not one lecture about having babies before marriage or college degree. YUP there have been a few offers for them to pay for the gas for me to come home and cash in the chips here! I know that both my mothers and my father have had sleepless nights worrying about how this was all gonna pan out! But their faith in me and the strength they gifted me has been my driving force to not give up. My entire family is proud of me. My sisters brag about me. My brother looks up to me. In all honesty though it is them that I look to as great great people. Everyone of us is strong when the other is not. My sister has loved me and supported me and lifted me up in my weakest moments. My brother has reminded me that everybody can go f*ck themselves...they can't control me anymore than I allow. These are all things that I couldn't be without in my Hollyhome. My family ALL of them! Every single cousin, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, daughter, parent, in-law, ex-husbands and friend adopted along the way...everyone of them is a comforting face and familiar voice of love....FAMILY! Without my them and my children and friends who love me I would be such a different woman. Thanks for who I am today. I love you all.
To the real though. I would HAVE to thank only two people.
Those who ALWAYS believed in me and those who NEVER did!
Both gave me fuel to my passion and are pushing me towards who I will become. And without both we all would have little to work for. Proving people wrong is fuel for so many people...the many people that become great! Let's see how right I am gonna be :)
So now I never need to win an Oscar...you all know who I would thank. Guess I better spend my time helping AJ pick out a gown, a date, and a winning role!
All in all it was a great night here in Hollywood and just down the road the party has just started for some. I think I am going to be happy to crawl into bed. The Hollybabies are asleep. The bathroom is clean. Uniforms are ready for morning. Now if I can just find a time to watch all of the films that took home an award. I will only have time to watch the shorts I am afraid. This Hollymommy has work next week :) So excited for that! Now I must sleep. I really am nervous blogging...I am usually running low on sleep, patience, and punctuation skills.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Home Sweet Hollywood
I am always asked "How do you do it?"---shrugging my shoulders and giving the "I dunno" isn't working anymore...so let me tell you or show you all over the next year!
First...
In no world could I have ever imagined this to be my life or the circumstances in which I would find myself in...ever! But here I am single mother and learning to love it. Living in Hollywood,CA with my three beautiful girls and EVERY care in the world! I wanted to blog about my ONE year that I was to live in Hollywood with my beauties as a single mother just to keep track of it all. Well, that idea was almost EXACTLY one year ago. How did I get so lost again? Well. Huh? Okay. I will admit it. LOVE!
Love. I loved so many things and not loved so many things. I was frustrated and confused. I was not unlike any other married 'single' mother out there. My ex-husband was self-involved. Loved his full-time job and part-time family. I tried so hard to be 'that' amazing wife and mother that sat quietly feeling unloved knowing that a life of passion and dreams was meant for me...somewhere. Many days and nights I was explaining to the girls how much daddy loved them and how much he loved me. Over and over again I would remind them of all the dinners he did have with us and that we would maybe do that again someday. I was explaining that daddy did come come every single night and kiss them softly before he left in the morning. I love them. I don't want to intentionally hurt them, and yes I struggle knowing the amount of lies I have told just to save them from a drop of pain that I felt from the same man. Don't get me completely wrong. I was not in some troubled crazy marriage that could not have been saved. My marriage was just not being saved no matter how much I had tried and I was the only one trying. He was just mearly surviving and that was hearbreaking to watch. Our home had been built on love and lies. A foundation that was now quickly deterioating. The more I scrambled to fix it the futher and faster it fell. No matter the friendship we had created over the last 10 years. Friendship was not enough...for either of us.
We had just brought our third baby girl home. I had agreed to stay in an attempt to NOT do it alone. Another lie? Or a was really honest attempt on his part to 'do the right thing' whatever that was at the time I am not sure. All I know is that everyone and everything I had loved and fought for was being pulled apart with no hope that it could or would ever come back together again. I had never felt so alone surrounded by so many people before and it scared me to pieces. My husband was reaching out...I should too right?! Maybe not, but I only know that now. Thinking now I don't know why being alone scared me so much? Maybe because everyone who loved me told me it should! So I allowed it to! And I reached out to the only man who had ever passionatly loved me and who had taught me once before how to love myself. Maybe just talking with him and clearing up the past could settle some of these emotions stirring within me?
Well, for the sake of getting back on topic. I called him. I visited LA again. The first time since my ex up and moved me from LA with little warning or a chance to say goodbye. As I came back I fell into the arms of Hollywood and everything LA without even giving myself a warning. I tasted it and I wanted it all back. I wanted me back! I wanted to not just own the night...but own my whole life.
While I am sure we will revist the topic of that person stated above. It is just not the time to get it all in now. I loved strongly and tried to change a million things. None of those changes where sucessful in getting me to a place where I wanted taht new relationship to go. Mostly because I fought it kicking a screaming. Trying to be alone...with someone. It made my adventure here in Hollywood so confusing. I myself was not even sure why I came. So badly I wanted it to be not because of, or for someone new. But I am afraid it was. So here I am finally a...oh dare I say... a ... ummm... A SINGLE MOTHER of 3! There I said it. I am single. I am a mother. I have 3 beautiful Hollybabies! My life could not be more complex or complete!
So here I sit one full year later. Ready to blog. SO very many people are in shock to find out I have babies. Even more shocked when they find out that I am a great mommy so involved, over-bearing, all organic feed, field trip chaparoning, audition attending, film producing, improv classes, interning, working, Hollywood Hustle Mommy! "How do you do it?" "OMG where are your kids?" "That sounds so hard, I couldn't do it!" "NO YOU AREN'T" "YOU have 3 kids?"....
That's my favorite...the last question. Yes, I do...and these tits...they are real too! Yes, it's hard. But every single mommy has it difficult, I am not really different. We also had our life set up before I was this alone. We are in a crazy groove...we are working it out! I love my job. I see my babies a lot more than my mom saw us growing up. She worked from 8am-6pm everyday and sometimes on Saturday. The most time I spent with her was two week long stays at the hospital as a child and the one week a year we went to FL to visit my grandparents. Me...well I bust my butt for weeks on end...then home for weeks (umm.months sometimes) on end. I make use of most moments I have with them. I am not just a weekend mommy and I am sure my own mommy would have liked to have traded me then. Things are harder for me now that I must share them with daddy. But again we are all mostly comfortable. The Hollygirls are LOVING it here in a way that is strange. They cheer on mommy as mommy does them. Everything in life we are doing together!
And that's the backstory! Not my best writing...but there was so much to say and this first post has taken me over a year to figure out. Now it's sat here for one solid month...and it's just going up. TMI and all.
SO HERE WE GO! One more year at HollyHome! Hollygirls are taking the town! Doing the damn thing in the most fabulous Hollyway possible...so sit, down, shut up, grab the diaper bag....and let's ride this town together. Hollymommy is gonna let you in behind the scenes. You will see how simply complex this complete life really is.
Home Sweet HollyHome!
First...
In no world could I have ever imagined this to be my life or the circumstances in which I would find myself in...ever! But here I am single mother and learning to love it. Living in Hollywood,CA with my three beautiful girls and EVERY care in the world! I wanted to blog about my ONE year that I was to live in Hollywood with my beauties as a single mother just to keep track of it all. Well, that idea was almost EXACTLY one year ago. How did I get so lost again? Well. Huh? Okay. I will admit it. LOVE!
Love. I loved so many things and not loved so many things. I was frustrated and confused. I was not unlike any other married 'single' mother out there. My ex-husband was self-involved. Loved his full-time job and part-time family. I tried so hard to be 'that' amazing wife and mother that sat quietly feeling unloved knowing that a life of passion and dreams was meant for me...somewhere. Many days and nights I was explaining to the girls how much daddy loved them and how much he loved me. Over and over again I would remind them of all the dinners he did have with us and that we would maybe do that again someday. I was explaining that daddy did come come every single night and kiss them softly before he left in the morning. I love them. I don't want to intentionally hurt them, and yes I struggle knowing the amount of lies I have told just to save them from a drop of pain that I felt from the same man. Don't get me completely wrong. I was not in some troubled crazy marriage that could not have been saved. My marriage was just not being saved no matter how much I had tried and I was the only one trying. He was just mearly surviving and that was hearbreaking to watch. Our home had been built on love and lies. A foundation that was now quickly deterioating. The more I scrambled to fix it the futher and faster it fell. No matter the friendship we had created over the last 10 years. Friendship was not enough...for either of us.
We had just brought our third baby girl home. I had agreed to stay in an attempt to NOT do it alone. Another lie? Or a was really honest attempt on his part to 'do the right thing' whatever that was at the time I am not sure. All I know is that everyone and everything I had loved and fought for was being pulled apart with no hope that it could or would ever come back together again. I had never felt so alone surrounded by so many people before and it scared me to pieces. My husband was reaching out...I should too right?! Maybe not, but I only know that now. Thinking now I don't know why being alone scared me so much? Maybe because everyone who loved me told me it should! So I allowed it to! And I reached out to the only man who had ever passionatly loved me and who had taught me once before how to love myself. Maybe just talking with him and clearing up the past could settle some of these emotions stirring within me?
Well, for the sake of getting back on topic. I called him. I visited LA again. The first time since my ex up and moved me from LA with little warning or a chance to say goodbye. As I came back I fell into the arms of Hollywood and everything LA without even giving myself a warning. I tasted it and I wanted it all back. I wanted me back! I wanted to not just own the night...but own my whole life.
While I am sure we will revist the topic of that person stated above. It is just not the time to get it all in now. I loved strongly and tried to change a million things. None of those changes where sucessful in getting me to a place where I wanted taht new relationship to go. Mostly because I fought it kicking a screaming. Trying to be alone...with someone. It made my adventure here in Hollywood so confusing. I myself was not even sure why I came. So badly I wanted it to be not because of, or for someone new. But I am afraid it was. So here I am finally a...oh dare I say... a ... ummm... A SINGLE MOTHER of 3! There I said it. I am single. I am a mother. I have 3 beautiful Hollybabies! My life could not be more complex or complete!
So here I sit one full year later. Ready to blog. SO very many people are in shock to find out I have babies. Even more shocked when they find out that I am a great mommy so involved, over-bearing, all organic feed, field trip chaparoning, audition attending, film producing, improv classes, interning, working, Hollywood Hustle Mommy! "How do you do it?" "OMG where are your kids?" "That sounds so hard, I couldn't do it!" "NO YOU AREN'T" "YOU have 3 kids?"....
That's my favorite...the last question. Yes, I do...and these tits...they are real too! Yes, it's hard. But every single mommy has it difficult, I am not really different. We also had our life set up before I was this alone. We are in a crazy groove...we are working it out! I love my job. I see my babies a lot more than my mom saw us growing up. She worked from 8am-6pm everyday and sometimes on Saturday. The most time I spent with her was two week long stays at the hospital as a child and the one week a year we went to FL to visit my grandparents. Me...well I bust my butt for weeks on end...then home for weeks (umm.months sometimes) on end. I make use of most moments I have with them. I am not just a weekend mommy and I am sure my own mommy would have liked to have traded me then. Things are harder for me now that I must share them with daddy. But again we are all mostly comfortable. The Hollygirls are LOVING it here in a way that is strange. They cheer on mommy as mommy does them. Everything in life we are doing together!
And that's the backstory! Not my best writing...but there was so much to say and this first post has taken me over a year to figure out. Now it's sat here for one solid month...and it's just going up. TMI and all.
SO HERE WE GO! One more year at HollyHome! Hollygirls are taking the town! Doing the damn thing in the most fabulous Hollyway possible...so sit, down, shut up, grab the diaper bag....and let's ride this town together. Hollymommy is gonna let you in behind the scenes. You will see how simply complex this complete life really is.
Home Sweet HollyHome!
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